No guests for RH | Imamother

amother

Babypink

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 7:37 pm

I used to enjoy having guests/being invited out but now in our early 40s, I don't feel like making huge feasts or entertaining guests. Over the years, we have become less sociable, which I am quite content with (I don't feel too guilty because our kids are constantly having friends over so at least they're not copying our antisocialness Confused

)

I was just sitting here wondering if we're the only ones not cooking up a storm, exchanging recipes, freezing desserts and inviting 100 guests. How many people are there out there like us? Or are we to be considered weirdos? LOL

amother

cornflower

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 7:43 pm

My parents usually host every other YT, except on RH. They don't consider it a "partying type" YT as the atmosphere is more serious. My mom makes very plain meals too.

If someone needs a place to eat, I wouldn't deny them if I am up to it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to invite people.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 7:44 pm

We're not having guests.

For one thing I'm in my 8th month and I have a full time job. We also had plans to go away for YT which don't seem to be materializing so we didn't even start meal planning yet. I'm planning to serve a very basic menu, no over-the-top desserts or millions of salads and side dishes. Whatever I manage to cook that's what we'll eat.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 8:02 pm

Hachnassas orchim is a beautiful thing; that said, gemilut chassadim is something that has no measure. iow, no one can tell you you must do this much or that much. If having orchim will spoil your YT, turn sweet embraceable you into the wicked witch of the West Side, or deprive your family of desperately-needed private time together, don't have guests. there are 50-something other Shabbosim in a year to do your hachnassas orchid.

My own outlook is that if someone is in a bind and asks to join us for a meal, I'm happy to do so because the person really needs it. In general I don't have guests on YT because there are several shuls and they all get out at different times, with a range of something like three hours. Shabbos I can deal with because most shuls have a consistent sked and we know that Cong. Ohev Sheinah gets out at 11, Moshav Leitzim ends at 11.30, and Ateres Gesundheit at 11.45. But on Yomtovim who knows? On YT I can't write it down and by the time YT is over I've forgotten what time we got out, so I don't know what time to tell people to show up. Wouldn't want them to show up and we're not home yet.

ETA: Dratted autocorrect! Hachnassas orchid is a nice idea but I prefer carnations.

little_mage

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 8:28 pm

If you don't want guests, that's fine. We had guests for Rosh Hashannah one year, and my husband said, "never again." We didn't eat until 2, and that just doesn't work for us. This is the first year we'll have our own sukkah, and so we'll probably try to invite some people over, both because we know how hard it is to be without, and also to reciprocate for some meals over the years. On the other hand, we've moved out to the fringes of our community, so we might actually do some Chol Hamoed meals instead of YT meals (so that people can drive instead of walk to us), which seems like such a shocking idea to people. My husband is fairly introverted, so past Sukkots have been hard for him because we've gone out so much.

imasinger

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 8:31 pm

We are having guests for only two meals of RH this year. One family of 4, and the other, just one couple.

We do tend to fill up our sukkah, because we want everyone to have one to eat in, plus we have friends that it's nice to share a seudah with.

jflower

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 10:13 pm

amother wrote:

Burgundy amother, thanks so much for your list of shuls. I think I'd like to try Moshav Leitzim!

amother

Silver

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 11:02 pm

I replied "no" but let me explain why - because I'm the type who could easily go for "yes".

We used to live for years in a totally not frum area and we felt very strongly about having people over week after week - every shabbos, every yom tov - to introduce them to yiddishkeit. I loved it; it was really meaningful for our family.

Recently we relocated to a frum neighborhood and so there is no need for this and no need for me to go through such trouble entertaining, entertaining, entertaining when really I am such a home-body who loves the quiet and serenity of just being with my husband and kids BUT I go ahead and do it anyway because I feel it adds so much more excitement and energy to our meals and overall yom tov feeling for our kids. I do it for them.

lfab

Tue, Sep 27 2016, 9:50 am

We almost never have guest on Y"T. With multiple little kids it's hard for us to go out for meals and much easier to deal with them at home. Besides the day meals are all so late, and night meals we like to just eat quickly because we're tired. When my husband had a single sister who lived about an hour away she came to us a couple of times for Y"T, and when we were first married my husband would sometimes have single guys over for some of the meals. Now, my in laws come for part of succos and that's pretty much it in terms of guests. I still cook way to much, simply because I enjoy it, but I feel no pressure to be fancy or whatnot as it's just for us.

BrachaC

Tue, Sep 27 2016, 12:59 pm

As long as it works for both you and your husband (seems like the kids are pretty independent) then it is fine. The cooking, cleaning, setting, clearing is exhausting and as other people said- there is a lot of work to do on Rosh Hashana- in shul. My husband has a much higher degree of need for socializing than I do. He is a real extravert and work is not social for him at all, so he needs our weekends and time off to be full of people. I am much more of an introvert and I had my years of living in a small out of town community where people actually needed meals. I used to pack my house for every YT- my kids would move into my bedroom and I would fill three or four bedrooms with guests. Now that there is not as much of a need I do not feel as compelled to say yes. For each age and stage there is an answer.