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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
How do you share bus stop duty with neighbors?



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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Sep 27 2016, 8:04 pm
the bus stops by the corner (in brooklyn), there are 2 families on the block.
do you alternate days to wait for the bus? or both mothers wait together? only one does it for both?
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Tue, Sep 27 2016, 8:20 pm
Same situation here. We both wait. But we both know that if needed, the other Mom would gladly wait with her kid.

But it really depends on your own situation.

it's totally fine to make a rotation. Like alternate days or one does morning and one does afternoon..
It's generally not nice to ask the other mom if she could wait with your child every day, because that's taking advantage. But maybe if you're totally desperate and you can't be available at that time, you can ask her and do another daily favor for her instead.

In my case, the other mom offered for me to have my kid wait with her every day, but I feel bad so I only would do it if I'm desperate.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Sep 27 2016, 11:11 pm
what if she asks a few times a week to bring her kids to the bus or bring them home from the bus?
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 4:44 am
amother wrote:
what if she asks a few times a week to bring her kids to the bus or bring them home from the bus?


then suggest a rota.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 4:47 am
You can do a "footpool" to the station
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abound




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 5:58 am
Is it hard for you?
People do not like being taken advantage of.....I know I am like that. When I am in such a situation I always think to myself this is a chessed and I am not losing out too much. (You can always find something or someone that is losing out) but if I can do it so it does not make too much of a dent then I am glad to get a mitzva in daily.
Think for yourself what is it that is bothering you about it?
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 7:42 am
If she is a working mom, or simply overwhelmed with little ones, it's a true chessed. It probably doesn't cost you any extra time or extra energy, and you may be having a huge impact on her day. This gesture could positively affect her parenting, causing a ripple effect for all her kids.

I would say go for it. I would not mind doing it, unless the child is difficult. It would have no effect on me.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 9:33 am
Would never occur to me to split duty. I wait with my kids because I'm the neurotic type that needs to know they got onto the bus so that I can leave for work with peace of mind. If my neighbors are comfortable sending their kids to the corner unsupervised or coming sometimes when they are able but not always, that's their business. I am definitely the only adult who waits with son for the minyan bus each morning.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 10:26 am
she is not working but has little ones (I do too)
I guess I could do it if I'm going anyways but I feel that she is taking advantage.
every time I ask her if she can go she said no.
maybe I should just take the mitzva and be happy with it, Hashem will help that I will manage.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 10:35 am
I take my 8 year old out to the bus stop every day. There are some other people in the neighborhood who send their kids out on their own. I let them know that I am not responsible for anyone else - if DD is sick or has an appointment, I would find it hard to have to call them to let them know I'm not going to be there.

That being said, if someone specifically asks me on a specific day, I'm happy to help out.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 11:09 am
I am 99% of the time the one who is there. My neighbors are there too.
That said if I am a little late or my neighbor is and I see her kid coming off the bus I will take him off and make sure he gets home.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 1:37 pm
We are a few families by the same bus stop. All the mothers come out and wait for their kids. If someone is runny late or ect.... one of us is always happy to take their kid off the bus. But 95% of the time this doesn't occur. So for the 5% of the time it does we are happy to do it, and in the case that I'm late for some unfeasible reason, I know I could count on them. If a neighbor would come to depend on me (unless theirs a major reason - she just had a baby, has a SN kid that wouldn't be able to wait by the corner....) I would get resentful. We had that last year as the year went on one neighbor was constantly late. I think one of the mothers ended up speaking to her nicely - like we don't mind doing it once in a while, but we cant take responsibility every day - and that ended that.
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 1:55 pm
It's nice to have another mother there. If I'm running late or she's running late we can rely on each other to be there for the kids or tell the bus to wait a minute. But I wouldn't do a rotation. First of all I think kids benefit from this little action that shows their mom really cares about them and second you both have to be the right type who won't get resentful if someone cancels on the day she's supposed to do it.
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Rosemarie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 4:01 pm
amother wrote:
she is not working but has little ones (I do too)
I guess I could do it if I'm going anyways but I feel that she is taking advantage.
every time I ask her if she can go she said no.
maybe I should just take the mitzva and be happy with it, Hashem will help that I will manage.

I think this is the problem. If it's a give and take, when she can't come you take her kids and when you can't make it she will take your kids, then it wouldn't bother me. But if you always take her kid while she always says no when you need, thats taking advantage of you
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 4:04 pm
Rosemarie wrote:
I think this is the problem. If it's a give and take, when she can't come you take her kids and when you can't make it she will take your kids, then it wouldn't bother me. But if you always take her kid while she always says no when you need, thats taking advantage of you

Agree.
Next time she asks, maybe mention that while you're glad to do the favor for her, you would appreciate it if she could reciprocate when you need it.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 8:53 pm
I wouldn't do it. I'm too nice IRL (can you believe that?!) and ppl like to ask me for favors. Lopsided ones. I once did someone a favor and picked up someone's kids from the bus stop EVERY SINGLE DAY. Well guess what? I once got a call to pick up my sick child early from school and run to the ped. In my frenzy, I forgot to call the other mom that I wasn't going to be at the bus stop. Boy did she yell at me. even though her kid was way older than mine, and was of the age to walk home safely. No good deed goes unpunished. Are you prepared to always let this mom know YOUR business? When your kid isn't going to school, etc. I wouldn't start up, especially since she has always said no to your requests. Please don't be a doormat.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 9:14 pm
We all wait at the bus stop together. In the afternoon everyone waits at the corner as well. One neighbor used to run late for the bus daily and would ask others to take her brat off the bus. When people got fed up and said no, she learnt to just make sure to be home on time. I used to take my neighbors dd to playgroup every morning when I took mine. It was supposed to be rotation but my neighbor kept leaving too late. I never minded since I liked taking my dd anyways. If it's not too hard for you, it may be a chessed. If it becomes a burden or she won't reciprocate, nicely stop it.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2016, 10:46 pm
thank you everyone
how do you say nicely no?
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