What do u call your mil & does it affect your relationship?

chocolate fondue

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 9:03 pm

The night we got engaged my MIL said to me 'I don't care what you call, just choose a name that you are comfortable calling me. If you don't have a name for someone, then you don't have a relationship with them.'

I chose Mom and Dad, because that what my BIL (DH's sister's husband) called them. Now my SIL is divorced and my other BILs, who joined the afterwards call my in laws Shver and Shvigger. I once mentioned that in retrospect, I would have felt more comfortable calling my introverted, BT FIL 'Shver' and he said, 'oh no, I much prefer being called Dad.' (His own kids call him Totty.) Go figure.

Either way, I have a good relationship with both of them and I think my MIL is right; you need to have some name for a person in order to have a relationship with them.

To Tablepoetry: My Israeli mother calls her very English in laws Mummy and Daddy. So I guess its a cultural/association thing

octopus

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 9:10 pm

After my bridal shower, I went over to my mil and asked her if it was okay if I called her mom. She gave me a big hug. I call my own mother "mommy." It felt awkward at first, but I'm so glad I did it before we were married. If you don't do it right away, then you have threads about dil's calling there mil's "bubby" and it becoming a huge issue.

Amelia Bedelia

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 9:53 pm

Tablepoetry wrote:

Is it just me? I find the term 'mommy' to be a very childish term of endearment, something cute for kids under 12 to call their moms. I can see it being used by adult children if they are very close to their moms, and very affectionate.
It seems to me to be extremely weird to expect a grown man to call his MIL 'mommy'. Just weird all-round.

It's not just you, but it's a cultural thing. No one in my circles call their parents Mom and Dad. Everyone I know calls them Totty and Mommy (or Ma and Ta).

happy12

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 10:35 pm

I call her Ma. My mother is mommy. Have a great relationship and speak daily. I'm like the daughter she never had.
My son in law calls me Mommy.

amother

Silver

Sun, Oct 30 2016, 8:44 pm

Seashells wrote:

I call her ima name. I asked her what she like me to call her and she chose that if I like it too. I do like it.

You mean like "Ima Raizel" if that's her name? Nice if it works for you both though it reminds me of the Savta Simcha books. Not that that's a bad thing.

Language diversity is a great thing. My mother was Eema, my Mil was Mom. In turn I'm Eema to my kids and their spouses, all of whose mothers are Moms or Mommys. If my prayers are answered any future children in law will also have a Mom or Mamacita and will have no problem calling me Eema. After they have kids they can call me Savta if they like so as not to confuse the little people. Just don't call me Granny!

amother

Silver

Sun, Oct 30 2016, 8:59 pm

As long as my mil isn't demanding to be called by the same title as my own mother, what's the problem? Unless she wants something faux-upper-class like Mother HerLastName or self-aggrandizing like Your Majesty or Revetend Mother, why should the term she chooses affect our relationship at all?

Water Stones

Tue, Nov 01 2016, 6:26 pm

amother wrote:

You mean like "Ima Raizel" if that's her name? Nice if it works for you both though it reminds me of the Savta Simcha books. Not that that's a bad thing.

Yes, like that. I didn't know about Satva Simcha books but I searched it and haha it's cute stories!

I call my fil tatty because when I asked to him, he said to me he likes it if I call him what his children call him.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Nov 01 2016, 6:28 pm

My mil is a complete vegetable at this point. She doesn't understand anything that anyone says. I can call her anything I want. Come to think of it, she has no idea who I am either.

Water Stones

Sun, Nov 06 2016, 10:17 pm

amother wrote:

My mil is a complete vegetable at this point. She doesn't understand anything that anyone says. I can call her anything I want. Come to think of it, she has no idea who I am either.

I'm sorry about that. I know it's sad. Hug from me.