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Question about who's invited to a Sunday bris



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amother
Blush


 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 5:23 pm
Dh and I are invited to a bris Sunday morning. Dh says that its understood that for a Sunday bris the whole family goes. I say the kids weren't invited. Any thoughts on this appreciated.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 5:25 pm
There are who official invitations to a bris. People are just informed about when and where. I'd say in this case it's up to your discretion. And AFAIK, most brissim are informal affairs with buffet food since they never know who or how many will show up.
Mazel Tov!
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 6:02 pm
There is no right or wrong. There are no formal bris invitations. Halachically, if a person is outright invited to a bris they MUST attend. Hence most ppl just tell everyone a time and place without a formal invite. In general, Sunday brissim are crowded, because most people aren't running to work. It's up to you to take your kids. If you think that it will be too hard managing children in a big crowd, then don't take them. But it should be fine to take them.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 6:20 pm
Are you close with the couple? The caterer in my community counts the attendees, so at $12 a head (or whatever the price is these days) the kids may add up to a lot of money.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 6:22 pm
amother wrote:
Are you close with the couple? The caterer in my community counts the attendees, so at $12 a head (or whatever the price is these days) the kids may add up to a lot of money.


yikes. Don't most people pay for a certain amount of food? If someone is making a sunday bris they usually make it bigger. For your caterer to do that is unfair since people don't know in advance how many will show up! I'm really surprised.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 6:28 pm
The caterer knows that you can't give an exact number for a bris, but he charges you based on the number of people who come. I remember someone who we knew from shul came with their kids and cost us more than I would have liked.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 6:32 pm
So sorry for harping on this, but does he put out more food based on the people? I'm just trying to wrap my head around this.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 6:39 pm
I am not a caterer so I dont know. He makes sure there is enough food for all. There was once a thread about how in another community the caterer counts the napkins or forks or something and how we should be careful not to use too many because then the baal simcha gets charged more because the number used = the number of attendees.

The caterer doesn't want to look like a bad caterer and run out of food, unlike at a kiddush with a preset amount of food where if you schmooze you lose.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 6:55 pm
I just made a Sunday bris. Impossible to know how many ppl. I believe it's expected for kids to come and I was happy ppl brought them. I had caterer cater for about 120 ppl and he had to get more food in the middle from the store. I probably had closer to 160.
He charged me a bit more.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 7:11 pm
amother wrote:
The caterer knows that you can't give an exact number for a bris, but he charges you based on the number of people who come. I remember someone who we knew from shul came with their kids and cost us more than I would have liked.


Our caterer gave us a per person cost, but it was under the assumption that it's an approximate number and he's supplying food based on that. We didn't pay more even when more people showed up.

ETA: I always assume that kids are invited for a Bris unless the family specifies otherwise.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 22 2016, 7:47 pm
saw50st8 wrote:
Our caterer gave us a per person cost, but it was under the assumption that it's an approximate number and he's supplying food based on that. We didn't pay more even when more people showed up.

ETA: I always assume that kids are invited for a Bris unless the family specifies otherwise.


Agreed. Especially on Sunday, kids are expected, and the baalei simcha estimate up based on that.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 23 2016, 12:37 am
Any day that there's no school I think the host assumes most people will be bringing small children. My brother's baby had his brit milah on a day that there ended up being a snowstorm and school was cancelled so the entire neighborhood brought their kids - my SIL just chalked it up to "things that happen". There was not a crumb leftover Smile
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sun, Oct 23 2016, 1:19 am
We had a Sunday bris but no caterer... We bought food and set up ourselves at the shul. So glad there was no per head charge as many people came whom we don't know. And took home leftovers that we didn't have, ie other people didn't get. So frustrating. They saw "free" food and just took. I know there's an Inyan to eat from a bris so people bring for spouses but please don't take whole plates of food! And if you don't know the hosts...grrr.
I guess it would differ if it was catered or not. I would have been upset if people we told about the bris didn't bring kids. But it wasn't a per person set up.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 23 2016, 2:19 am
I've been invited by people who weren't so frum, or very frum. I went when I could, or not. But different velt... I guess.

And yes kids welcome if you handle them and they won't see. I think my kah bright 9 year old still thinks the boys get the cord cut at the bris LOL with kh 2 brothers.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 23 2016, 12:47 pm
amother wrote:
We had a Sunday bris but no caterer... We bought food and set up ourselves at the shul. So glad there was no per head charge as many people came whom we don't know. And took home leftovers that we didn't have, ie other people didn't get. So frustrating. They saw "free" food and just took. I know there's an Inyan to eat from a bris so people bring for spouses but please don't take whole plates of food! And if you don't know the hosts...grrr.
I guess it would differ if it was catered or not. I would have been upset if people we told about the bris didn't bring kids. But it wasn't a per person set up.


I agree with this. By my son's bris someone opened a garbage bag and took every single extra bagel! shock
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 25 2016, 11:46 am
Insane. I hope you told them to not do it.
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Tablepoetry




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 25 2016, 1:12 pm
octopus wrote:
I agree with this. By my son's bris someone opened a garbage bag and took every single extra bagel! shock


Wow. I don't know a single person who would do that! In fact I've never come across anyone taking a plate of food home from a brit, let alone a garbage bag full of bagels.
In terms of kids or not, and how one charges for a brit, it really depends on so many factors....what country are you located in op? Is the brit a morning affair or is it an early supper? Is it a buffet or are plates served individually?
IME caterers do charge per head for a brit if it's an afternoon, sit-down affair, which many britot in Israel are (I just got back from one such brit today). Obviously you're not in Israel (no free Sunday here) but still, customs differ according to locale.
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