Shabbos Mornings | Imamother

out-of-towner

Thu, Oct 20 2016, 9:06 pm

I get up when DH leaves for Shul, make sure that the kids have eaten something, and then let them play while I read on the couch nearby. Of course, I have to stop some fights and such, but I let them make a mess of toys and things because it allows me to relax. I then get myself and them dressed and we go to the park or to our Shul playground and meet DH after Shul, sometimes I can even get the kids to sit through Kedusha at Mussaf so I feel like I am part of things.

rainbow dash

Thu, Oct 20 2016, 9:50 pm

Fox wrote:

Oh, boy, do I remember those days!

I had 5 kids close together in age; I was working full time; DH was out of town all week; we didn't take our kids to shul for hashkafic reasons . . .

My trick was to make "Shabbos Bags" every week. I took lunch bags and decorated them with stickers or whatever I had handy. Then I filled them with candy, snacks, and sometimes little toys from the Dollar Store. I put them out after the kids went to sleep on Friday night, and they would wake up the next morning and run to open them.

Between the snacks and the novelty, it was enough to keep them busy while I dozed on the couch.

Occasionally there were disasters, like the time they used the pudding cups as finger paint, but overall it allowed me to get a few more precious minutes of relaxation, if not actual sleep.

Good to know that my kids aren't the only ones making disaster in the house. My twins like to copy the stuff they see on YouTube. Like baking cupcake etc. Bh they only mix the food together and not actually cook it.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Oct 20 2016, 9:59 pm

My husband is usually up with the kids in the morning and feeds them breakfast while I sleep in a bit. Then he takes the older ones to shul. I'm home with the youngest. She has some developmental delays so it's a good opportunity for me to read with her, practice alef bais, do some picture games or flash cards etc. I work full time and don't have much time to spend one-on-one with her during the week.

Marion

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 12:11 am

Let the kids play. (They are now old enough to get their own breakfast - at least round one.) Get up, spend time with them. Breakfast, round two. Wash dishes. Everyone dressed (mostly on their own), and shul. Come home, they play on their own some more (unless we've gone to the park) while I get lunch ready.

sprayonlove

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 6:33 am

Am I the only one who wakes up with their child while dh sleeps in? I wake up around 6:30, give my toddler breakfast, play with him and tidy up. When I put my toddler down for his morning nap then I take a nap and/or read. After he wakes up I dress him and we go to shul.

saw50st8

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 7:22 am

Fox wrote:

What hashkafic reasons do you have against youth programming?

out-of-towner

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 7:27 am

saw50st8 wrote:

What hashkafic reasons do you have against youth programming?

Not all Shuls have youth programming. Some people don't take children to Shul until they are old enough to sit through Davening so that they understand the seriousness of Shul.

amother

Linen

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 2:40 pm

I'm not a shul person at all - didn't like it as a kid and don't like it as a grownup. I feel its very judgy and I feel G-d more when I am by myself instead of with a huge noisy crowd chanting and looking me up and down to see what I'm wearing.
I would like my kids to like shul more than I do - my boys go with my husband when they can sit still but my girls I fear are naturally taking after me. I encourage them to go with friends if they're willing.
I am a little embarrassed to admit but I read all my frum magazines Shabbos morning, lie in bed, leave my kids by themselves and enjoy every minute of it! sometimes if I'm feeling ambitious I will leave my kids with my oldest daughter and go out for a walk all by my little self! probably not setting the best example in the world but you know what? I don't care. Its my day of rest too Smile

mha3484

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 2:47 pm

out-of-towner wrote:

Not all Shuls have youth programming. Some people don't take children to Shul until they are old enough to sit through Davening so that they understand the seriousness of Shul.

Also, even if a shul has programming it is not always a great fit for all kids. So you figure out other ways to use your morning instead.

animeme

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 3:49 pm

amother wrote:

FYI, Minhag HaGra is for women and girls to daven at home and not to go to shul, because at shul, there is too much socializing and worrying about what everyone is wearing. So, not so crazy.

Fox

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 3:57 pm

out-of-towner wrote:

Not all Shuls have youth programming. Some people don't take children to Shul until they are old enough to sit through Davening so that they understand the seriousness of Shul.

This. Our shul specifically didn't have groups or babysitting because they wanted to discourage people from bringing young kids. It's a hashkafa you'll find in shuls that are really into recreating the yeshiva atmosphere during davening.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 4:15 pm

In my community most people eat at around 2. Earliest I've been to was 1:30, and we are often on the later side, more like 2:30 or even 3, depending on the week.

So our "morning" is much longer and looks very different. We have time for all of the above :-)

Although it also depends on how big a crowd I'm expecting, how much help I have, etc.

heidi

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

I don't have anything against going to shul per se, but I love my lazy Shabbos mornings. I work most days and since Sunday is a workday in Israel, I feel that if I don't get to sit and read the paper with my coffee on Shabbos morning, I never get to do it. I love not having to be dressed and out of the house early. I love chilling with whoever is my baby at the time. I guess going to shul is just less appealing to me at this stage in my life. My friends all pretend to applaud when I actually do make it (usually for a bar mitzvah!)

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 4:04 pm

DH watches the kids until he has to leave to shul. He wakes me when he leaves because if we leave them unattended, they will destroy the house.
I get them dressed, give them breakfast if they didn't have any, and either take them out to the park or try to daven or read while they play.
.

Ema of 5

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 7:45 pm

animeme wrote:

FYI, Minhag HaGra is for women and girls to daven at home and not to go to shul, because at shul, there is too much socializing and worrying about what everyone is wearing. So, not so crazy.

Is that the reason? Because there's so much concern about what others are wearing?

saw50st8

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:20 am

Fox wrote:

What do women do when they need to attend services? (like for Yizkor for example)

Raisin

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:29 am

Fox wrote:

Of course, this has the added advantage of keeping women at home, as well as children. Women definitely ruin the ~~club~~ yeshiva atmosphere.

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:49 am

At my shul, I have worked to expand youth programming for hashkafic reasons. In my community, we feel early training is important and the opportunity of helping children and families appreciate Shabbat to its fullest should not be lost.

It is important for kids to know that when they go to shul on Shabbat morning, they are there to do special Shabbat things. The youth director and group leaders design developmentally appropriate activities with a Shabbat theme. No one expects young children to sit through a three-hour service, but they can benefit a lot from suitable group activities. Without adequate programming, shul decorum suffers as kids tend to run around in the halls, and parents (usually mothers) spend more time chasing kids and shmoozing with friends who are also stuck in the hall with their kids, than opening a siddur.

Yes, parents can and should create a Shabbat atmosphere at home for their families. But expecting Moms to do everything, always, without communal support and in the isolation of their homes, is not the best solution. No one forces kids or families to participate in groups if they don't want to, but many families would suffer if the groups were not available.

Fox

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 11:50 am

Raisin wrote:

Of course, this has the added advantage of keeping women at home, as well as children. Women definitely ruin the ~~club~~ yeshiva atmosphere.

I'm assuming this was sarcastic, but I actually have no problem with the concept.

I understand that in some communities, shuls also function as community centers. That's fine, and I have no problem with that. But you have to understand and respect the fact that not every community and not every shul defines itself that way.

It's not better or worse; it's just a different view of what shul is about.