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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Flabbergasted



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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 1:42 am
I think I spent maybe three hours trying to help my kid with his homework.
My husband just konked out and left it to me.
My kid is so distracted and just doesn't want to do the work, even though another part of him does want to so he doesn't get a consequence in school.
So, after hours of redirecting him, helping him, redirecting him again, his going to the bathroom, eating something, asking me for help, going again to the bathroom, eating again, etc etc etc I finally at 1:30 said "that's it! (yes, I know it's way too late).
Yes he takes meds, no, starting earlier doesn't help.
Well, when I finally said I've had enough and clearly he is not focusing, get this,
he has the nerve to tell me "you have the patience of a donkey".

Huh???
Come again????
That was it for me.
I sent him to bed with a good scolding and a "time to look at yourself" and "tell your rebbi you said that to your mother" speech.
No, I'm not up to being the educating mother right now: "We don't talk like that, that's disrespectful, bla, bla, bla.......

The chutzpah!
So, while I'm exhausted, and yes I know all the things I did wrong, so please don't tell me I set him up, cause no, he's always like this, dragging his toes, ugh....

How in the world do I teach my kids respect?!?!?!?
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e1234




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 2:29 am
don't get hurt when he says that
he is just as frustrated as you and I learned don't even listen to what adhd'ers say when they are talking out of frustration . (very hard to do but they don't even mean it and the next day he could say thank you for all the time you gave him)
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 3:13 am
I appreciate the response.
The first thing that occurred to me when I posted was that that comment was probably symptomatic of his ADHD.
I am still so shocked,though, that this actually came out of his mouth!
Where did he get that from?????
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e1234




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 3:49 am
it helps me so much to just ignore what they say when frustrated -they don't mean it at all

(And usually forget they even said it)
If he's talkable - I would say to him I understand your frustrated -we both spent a lot of time on the homework and I wish we could spend this playing a game instead. - to show him you want to spend time with him and empathy that homework is hard
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 4:05 am
I wish I had your patience.
I'm short on it when I need it most.
I think I have to tune in to when to call it quits long before I lose it so I can be a pleasant mother instead of a grizzly bear (so much for animal conparisons Wink
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e1234




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 4:15 am
it is very hard!
but the hard work pays off!

It was funny as recently my son in his adhd frustration said to me I'm not setting an alarm and not getting up in time to daven tomorrow. (this was during vacation)
I didn't say anything and didn't remind him to set an alarm (he uses my phone for an alarm)
then before he went to sleep - he said "can you set my alarm" - I just gave him a look and he said "you know you have to ignore me when I talk like that - I don't mean it!"
the fact that he said it showed me how far we have come.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 7:24 am
Wow your child is so smart! He sure knows his shortcomings. Thx for helping us understand these gifted children. Ds has such silly comments and I lose it too. Where do they take it from?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 7:38 am
It's been proven that children who get parent's help with their homework, do much worse on tests than kids who are left to their own devices.

From now on, let the work be his responsibility and let him take the consequences. If the teachers are falling short in helping him understand the work, it will become immediately obvious to them that they are not doing their jobs.

That's what you're paying the school for, right?
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cbg




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 8:03 am
amother wrote:
I appreciate the response.
The first thing that occurred to me when I posted was that that comment was probably symptomatic of his ADHD.
I am still so shocked,though, that this actually came out of his mouth!
Where did he get that from?????


You are right it is chutzpah.
But, wow your child is really smart.
He got that comment from the Chumash.
What he meant to say that you are as tenacious as a mule.
Like yissachar (I think) that is compared to a mule taking all the burden.
He remembered it from Chumash last year.

Why not set a time limit for HW, speak to the teacher and let him know that this is what you are going to do. Past 9 pm everything gets put away no mater what. He'll just has to suffer the consequences of not doing his work on a timely basis.
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bnm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 10:19 am
I thought that was a compliment
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