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Tips for dealing with really hard baby
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amother
Jade


 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2016, 5:24 pm
My last child was a difficult one also! she didn't sleep for more than 30 min in a row until 10 months. she cried incessantly. I was very close to losing my mind - my husband will say that I actually did lose my mind.

What changed at 10 months? after months of zantac and prevacid, a wise woman convinced me that I had nothing to lose by going off dairy - within THREE days, she was a different child. She napped, she was happy when awake and started to reach developmental milestones (including sleeping!)

if this helps you - great! if not definitely take time for yourself every day! whether that means leaving your husband with the baby or hiring a sitter, make sure you have some time that you can count on. ask for help - I would not have survived without the help of several good friends.
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2016, 6:12 pm
Oh, OP! My heart goes out to you. My now 18 month old sounds just like your little gall.

Babies one, two, and three were delightful angels. Super proud of my magnificent mothering capabilities, I was the gall with dependable nighttimes, naps and feeding schedules. My little guys were sleeping through the night by 4 months.

Then came baby number four, and everything I knew went out the window. Number four just cried. He cried when we fed him, he cried when we walked him, he cried when he was in the Bjorn, he cried in the bath, he cried, and cried and cried. We checked with our pediatrician; no reflux, nothing hurting or bothering him physically. Just a very cranky temperament.

Some people have very very strong visceral emotional reactions to crying babies. You sound like you're one of them. I certainly am. Coping emotionally with a very tough baby is a very real challenge. The most important thing for me was to make sure not to neglect myself. Otherwise, there was no way for me to maintain an empathic, accepting, and playful attitude with my little guy. I didn't read through all the posts, so I'm sure others have said this, but I'll say it again. You need to shower. You need to eat. You need time outside in the sun and some social outlets. You cant be a mother otherwise.

What worked for me? Asking for and getting alot of help. My husband would strap the kid onto his chest and walk around with him just about all evening (by then, my arms were just about ready to fall off from holding him all day and tending to my big guys too!). We increased the amount of cleaning help we had from several times a week to every single day. A clean, inviting environment did a lot for my mental health. I went back to work earlier than I had anticipated (when he was about 5 months old) so that I'd have some time to exercise my brain and be a woman, not just a mom to a kid who needed mothering around the clock. I love to read but couldn't get much reading time in because of the screamer, so I got lots of books on cd that I could play while I paced around with him. When friends and relatives asked how I was doing with the new baby, I answered honestly that I loved him dearly and that he was truly adorable but that he was also a very loud little terrorist/madman who did not stop screaming for more than a half hour at a time. Telling people how tough he truly was helped me feel less isolated. I also got lots of offers for help, and I almost always took people up on their offers. I was still getting meals sent over for me and my family when my son was embarrassingly big, like 6 months old. But not having to prepare meals on occasion really helped, and also helped me feel loved and taken care of by my support people. I also had lots of friends offer to have my other kids over to play. That was very helpful too. One friend kept on bringing over new equipment to try: swings, bouncers, rockers. None of it really helped, but feeling thought of and cared for was so encouraging.

I was also very conscious that it would take some real effort to bond with this baby. I sang to him, and talked to him, and took him into the bath with me (one of the things he actually seemed to like, lying on my belly in the bath, so we did this just about every day.) The good news is that at about 13 months things started to turn around. For my baby, being able to move around and explore more made him a much happier kid. Now, at 18 months, he is a pleasure. All of that screaming translated into a really silly personality. He still needs alot of attention (good thing he has three big brothers to dote on him!), but the really hard times are over.

Loads of hugs to you, OP! Take care of yourself. Ask for and accept lots of help. Don't feel bad about needing it! Being a new mom to a tough baby can be so isolating. Reach out to the people who care about you. You shouldn't go through this by yourself.
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mom4many




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2016, 2:14 am
Every one of my babies had stomach trouble and would cry all the time until they grew up. By them it manifested itself in them crying/screaming and knotting themselves up until every burp came out. I could count 18 burps after a feed. To the point where by the time they finished with their burping, it was time to nurse again - and there we go again!

I tried everything possible. First the things that didn't work: a laying down- nursing position, going off dairy and other things, letting them scream, natural baby teas for digestion, different types of baby formulas etc.

It would last till they were old enough to move around (9-11 months), and somehow they were able to relieve themselves of the air stuck inside.

I finally came to the conclusion that the way their bodies are built, they most probably feel so stuffed and choking after eating (ever happened to you, especially when you're pregnant?!) that they cried from discomfort. Of course, based on their temperament - they screamed and hollered or just cried. The crying and knotting up only made it worse, but neither of us could help that. Only when they grew older, either their tubes grew wider, or they could move and distract themselves and get it out.

So, what did I do? I learned where to put mild pressure on their stomach - usually held them with the palm of my hand positioned upward in that spot. A swing gave me 15-20 min. break - calmed them and distracted them. I sent them out for 2 hours a day to a babysitter once they were 6 months. That really saved my sanity.

And also, at about 6 months I trained them to sleep. If baby wakes up because of stomach trouble - try to relieve it and rock him back to sleep. Do NOT feed between 12-6 AM! Feed between 9 PM - 12 as much as he can take and that's it. It's also better if dh can get up for him, because with you baby smells food.

Look at it as growing pains, and this stage is almost over (hopefully!)
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2016, 2:36 am
I agree with previous posters about wearing the baby. One of mine was a yeller. Really tough. (Dh didn't like when I called the baby spawn of Satan, but...) He did best in a carrier. I don't know if it was the pressure on his stomach, the sound or smell of me, or something else, but he was only calm when strapped onto my chest.

Anyhow, I wore him for months, to the point that I could do just about everything, not including bathing the bigger kids, while wearing a carrier.

Want to guess who's my most easygoing young adult now?

This too shall pass.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2016, 4:18 am
See if you can learn baby massage. I had someone offer a free course because she was training, but maybe there are YouTube videos. I was totally not that type of a person to do something like baby massage, but I took it because it was free, and it made a world of a difference for my baby. You don't need to do everything you're taught, but I'd try it all and see what works.

My baby like having her forehead gently stroked from eyebrows back to hairline, over and over. You can sit down and put her in your lap and do it, and it becomes rhythmic for both of you, which is calming for both of you. She also liked having her stomach rubber from top down, probably for the gas reasons some mothers have mentioned. Btw, years later, she still likes the forehead thing.
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Maman2




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2016, 6:24 am
I want to reiterate what another poster said: GO OFF DAIRY. Many recent studies have been made about lactose sensitivity in babies... homeopaths recommend not giving babies any dairy. My doc was able to do a test to see if there was any blood in his stool which meant that there was damage in his intestines due to something I was eating. My baby cried until I stopped dairy, and now he is an angel bh! You lose nothing by trying, it may be the miracle you're waiting for:) f you are worried about your morning coffee (as I was) the blue moon almond milk is awesome and doesnt look funky in the coffee either:) Good luck!
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cbg




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2016, 6:36 am
Have you tried chamomile tea.
For both of you.
This may Help with the acid reflux
Check with you dr.
I've given my babies chamomile tea made from the actual flowers.
You can buy them in any kosher store that sell Sephardic spices.
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JustAFrumMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2016, 6:53 am
My DD cried until she was 2. I didn't sleep "through the night" until about then. Though it did gradually improve during that time. The most important thing to remember is that YOU are a person too. It will not hurt your baby to cry in the crib for 15 minutes while you shower and dress. Let your DH help you. You need to LEAVE THE HOUSE once a week for an hour at the minimum BY YOURSELF. Another great tip that I got from the book "surrendered wife" make two lists, One of things that you love to do and another of things that you don't necessarily enjoy, but you feel better after (such as making the bed). Then make sure you do three things from these lists each day. You are asking how to cope emotionally. The answer is self-care. Ask others for help, let your DH get the baby one night so you can get a single night of sleep. You will be surprised how much more patience you have when you take care of you. Even if it's 10-15 minutes at a time, take breaks! When the baby naps, either nap or do something from your self care lists. Don't expect to have a perfect looking house or complicated dinners. It's reasonable to expect things to change now that you have a baby and especially a trying one. Hatzlacha Rabba!
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