Preventing meltdowns. Is school too hard

behappy2

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 5:42 pm

My son is in first grade. He has sensory issues and other undiagnosed issues. Trouble focusing. Very fidgety. Wild. Low frustration tolerance etc..
I have been scaling back on my discipline after realizing that I was expecting too much of him and he has since become calmer and more cooperative.
Lately though he has been having more meltdowns than usual. He has a really good rebbe who is using lots of positive motivation to get him to daven nicely. Not roughouse with the kids in the classroom, not bother the kids in front and behind him during class. He is very motivated and therefore exercising above average self control.
My guess is that it is wearing him down and at home with me the chips are falling hard and fast.
I don't know where to go from here. Is there anything to do or just accept that this is his hardship in life that he has to deal with?

animeme

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 5:56 pm

I have found that my kids with developmental issues often become extra volatile when they are making a developmental leap. So yes, maybe he is making strides and you are feeling it. I would make an extra effort to have a snack and drink out for him when he gets home, and to allow him some space before hw and the runaround of the house.

behappy2

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 6:53 pm

He gets a snack when he comes home. Some days I let him watch videos. Other days he gets to choose what he wants to do and I cater the afternoon to him. His meltdowns are not necessarily when he comes home from school.

amother

Pearl

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 8:39 am

I was just like your son when I was that age. There were things which were bothering me that I wasn't entirely aware of and/or couldn't articulate, and a psychologist helped us figure out what was hard for me and how to deal with myself and the things that were hard for me. So I recommend taking him to see a psychologist - it doens't mean he has a major issue, but if he's getting worse, it means things are too hard for him and addressing it before it gets even worse will save yo ua lot of grief and save your son a lot of suffering.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 8:49 am

amother wrote:

THIS.

I figured out a good way to get through to DD, was to talk to her when I put her to bed. I'd ask "What's the best thing that happened today? What's the worst thing that happened today?" We'd troubleshoot the worst thing, and then go back to discussing how wonderful the good thing was. That ends on a positive note, while letting her feel like she was heard and understood.

It relieves so much pressure, and helps her express herself. It also gives me insight into what her school life is like. If you ask your kid how school was, and the answer is "OK", then you really need to try this. You'll be amazed at what comes pouring out.

behappy2

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 11:40 am

amother wrote:

He is in a waiting list. I also think that I know what is bothering him. He is pushing himself very hard in school. It is stressing him out and lowering his tolerance leval. Does this make sense? I am wondering if I should ask the rebbe to seat him in the back or corner front so he can walk around without disturbing anyone. Also maybe keep him a few times a month. He has school 6 days a week.

animeme

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 11:44 am

behappy2 wrote:

You don't want him walking around in class, because that builds bad habits and brands him as different, and it can make it hard for the rebbe too. But you can ask the rebbe to periodically send him on errands, or allow breaks at certain times, as long as he comes back reliably.

behappy2

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 12:27 pm

animeme wrote:

Ok. Thanks.

amother

Pearl

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 11:09 am

When I was little, I wouldn't walk around in class, because I didn't' want to seem weird or different, so we brainstormed that I was allowed to go to the water fountain whenever I needed. This worked amazingly! I could take a quick break when I needed too, going outside the classroom (where there is quiet and no other people) is a much better break than just stretching my legs inside the room. And it helped me learn to self-regulate and feel in control, since I decided when to do it (vs. having the teacher send me on errands or something else). The feeling of being able to take a break whenever I needed relieved a lot of the stress on myself, and I actually needed less breaks because of it.

amother

Blush

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 8:20 pm

to answer your question. yes it makes sense that he is using all his self control in school and therefore falling apart at home. My dd's OT told us that while some of her clients have issues in school, some can hold it together fine in school and only at home do they fall apart.