A kid paid my child not to tell me.

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amother

Brown

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:31 pm

A 4 year old stuck his fingers in my 4 year old sons' drink at school and when my son got upset, paid him with some quarters so that he wouldn't tell me.

I'm pretty disturbed by this. The paying, more than the act. Am I overreacting?

amother

Scarlet

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:34 pm

I don't think so. I would also be disturbed about that. also about the paying more than the action. I would suspect that something's going on with that kid. I don't think it's a normal thing for a 4 year old to bribe with money.

imasinger

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:36 pm

That's a bit odd, but you might want to resist reading too much into it.

Tell your DS to give the money back, and that both he and you forgive him, but please don't do it again.

amother

Bronze

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:36 pm

Am I the only one thinking this: likely an adult did something inappropriate to said child and offered him a nosh or money, and said to not report to parents.

This has been modeled to the child and he's now paying it forward.

So sad. I would try to have that kid over at my home for a playdate. I'd gently have a conversation with him. Non-threatening. I'd say something like, ''some adults do this thing with children, they tell them to not report to their parents...'' I'd ask if he thinks it's a good idea? I'd be very calm and have no blame in me whatsoever.

groovy1224

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:38 pm

There's a lot of strange points here..where would a four year old even learn about hush money? And why is he brining quarters to school in the first place? Where was the teacher?

First move is to tell the teacher, and tell your son he did the right thing by telling you.

animeme

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:47 pm

It could also be an older sibling paying him to keep quiet about various violations. Yeah, I'd tell the teacher.

amother

Brown

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:51 pm

amother wrote:

Op here. I wouldn't invite him for a play date. He's hit kids at school in the past (my son and another parent told me) and I don't want to foster any kind of friendship.

My son said he brings a lot of coins in his bag "probably for tzedaka."

I'm not sure if the teachers saw anything but I will talk to them about this.

avocado7

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 9:53 pm

How much money does the child have I wonder ? Find out - search his belongings.
.He learned this from someone. Perhaps someone else is buying bribes to get there way with him . First ask your son who else is giving him money and for what reason ?
Ask him does he know anyone else who is getting paid money for doing favors, and does he know why, for which favors ?
Hatzlacha !!
It may or may not be serious.

thunderstorm

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 10:02 pm

My kids attended a school where there was a "no money allowed" policy. Because there were strange incidents where bus drivers were handing out money to boys who would answer "questions" . (G-d knows what kind of questions) another time my son was given money by his classmate to buy nosh from a candy store near our home and was told he could keep the change. This boy was stealing hundreds of $ from his parents and when I called the school it was soon discovered. Things like this should be brought to the attention of the principal. It could've been an innocent gesture or it may be something greater. Always air on the side of caution. No need to get all bent out of shape about it though.

naomi2

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 10:13 pm

The way I imagine it is that a kid stuck his hands in your son's drink. Your son got so upset he threatened to tell his mommy him. The boy got really scared about getting in trouble and said if you don't tell, I'll give you my quarters from my tzedakka money. Not strange to me. Thus is just a guess of what may have happened to make it sound harmless

sweetpotato

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 10:24 pm

The only thing I would be upset about is that the teachers may have not been supervising adequately, but you don't need to pathologize a 4 year olds behavior to this degree.

5*Mom

Sun, Nov 13 2016, 1:56 am

amother wrote:

I would NOT say that to a child. It's leading and suggestive. It is also not your place to have this kind of conversation with someone else's child.

I'd say mention it to the teacher but that would really depend on the nature of the school and the teacher and how likely they are to know what to do and not to do with this information. On its own this incident is curious but not necessarily indicative of a bigger problem. But if there are other curious or worrisome incidents involving this child, either past or future, it should be looked into by a professional. So if the school is responsible and professional they should be given this information.

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