"He's a bomb but likes hurting others"

amother

Periwinkle

Sat, Nov 19 2016, 3:19 pm

My 7 year old DS is extremely smart, very sensitive, outgoing, a leader, gentle, notices things his younger siblings need and offers right away, very responsible, and loves taking care of things. I tend to focus more on his positive side.

However, his rebbe made a comment and it made me realize how right he is. The rebbe said (in a wow, not negative way at all) that he's a bomb (as in extremely, overly bright) but kind of likes to hurt others). DS gets physical ALOT in a playing way, especially when he's tired. He'll play with his younger siblings by throwing a blanket over their them, wrestle with everyone, kick his shoes across the floor when taking them off, throw things out of carelessness, and in general make everyone wild all the time. I've discussed these things with him many, many, many times. I've never worried because even though its extremely frustrating he's not doing it out of anger or clear signs frustration.

Also, his favorite games are war, fighting, capturing... He sets up scenes like this with the toys, draws pictures of soldiers with all their weapons, and in general is obsessed with weapons, which side people are on, and how they fight. My husband says he was like this when he was younger also. I hate this, especially how my younger, gentler son is now following. I'm working with him on taming it down.

Is this something outside the range of normal?

amother

Wheat

Sat, Nov 19 2016, 3:48 pm

Sounds normal for a 7 year old boy. If you told me that he's doing these thigns and the kids he's doing it with are very upset by it or ask him to stop but he won't, or he's actually really hurting them, I would be alarmed. Otherwise, he sounds like a normal 7 year old. Some people are just more physical than others.

If you want to help him tone it down, I highly recommend getting him to karate or another martial art. Martial arts are great for 2 reasons (which is why I would recommend them over many sports): (1) They teach control - controlling your body, your impulses, and your aggression, and your energy. (2) They genuinely release a lot of physical and mental energy in a very healthy way.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Nov 19 2016, 6:21 pm

He's a BOY, not a china doll!

I hate the current trend of trying to make boys be sweet and docile all the time. If it weren't for boys and men, we wouldn't have armies, policemen, kings, and coal miners. History would be entirely different. Hashem made people with various talents for various jobs. Not every male person in the world was meant to sit and study day and night.

It sounds like he needs to be taken to the park more often, preferably by his father. Organized sports and karate are also excellent suggestions. It sounds like he needs to be physical and competitive. As a bonus, if you give him an outlet for his energy, he'll be a better student in the long run.

Please respect your son for who is he, not for who you want him to be.

ectomorph

Sat, Nov 19 2016, 7:12 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

exactly this.

It's normal for a 7 year old boy to be physical. I would suggest giving him more hugs... It could be that physical touch is his love language and that can improve your relationship.

sweetpotato

Sat, Nov 19 2016, 7:17 pm

It doesn't sound like the issue is that he likes roughhousing, which is normal both for boys and girls, but that he's doing it at inappropriate times and/or hurting other kids. This is where you teach personal space, boundaries, and making sure friends/siblings *want* to play rough and that it's not being done against their will, when to stop, no means no, make sure everyone is still having fun, etc. It's important for kids to learn how to understand other people's feelings/needs and it sounds like this is what his teacher is getting at.