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So destructive when bored



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amother
Sienna


 

Post Sat, Nov 12 2016, 6:30 pm
My kids are 5 and 3 and get so destructive when they're bored. There's usually enough going on that they don't really have time to get bored. Shabbos gets really bad though. We don't live walking distance from any friends, family, or parks. The shul I prefer is over a mile away, so I barely ever go (dh davens much closer, but the shul is not so friendly and they don't have groups so I can't bring the kids). Even with the time change, they still get nutty in the afternoon. Making a wet mess in the bathroom; tearing up tissues and sending them flying; emptying the linen closet; messing up the kitchen. I can't really stay on top of them because I have a very needy baby. Dh halfheartedly tells them to stop and then explodes when they inevitably don't listen. It's impossible to entertain them enough all day to keep them out of trouble. Also, they won't clean up. I've tried making it fun, I've tried punishments, even up to throwing toys in the garbage. I do not replace anything they break, so they know if it breaks, it's gone forever. Still, they continue to trash their things and our house. It gets worse throughout the weekend. I'm too tired to clean up, and dh won't help because he doesn't see the point since we have a cleaning lady every weekday. I'm always mortified when Monday comes and she sees the weekend disaster. At least the 5 year old should know better than to trash things, or to at least remember the punishments, but I'm not seeing any change. And the 3 year old doesn't seem to care either.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Sun, Nov 13 2016, 7:05 am
Bump. Sundays are slightly (but not much) better.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Sat, Nov 19 2016, 6:55 pm
Another rotten Shabbos. Does anyone have advice?
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pizza4




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 19 2016, 7:45 pm
Ugh, that's so horrible for you. My kids get that way sometimes on the winter shabbosos if we don't go anywhere or have guests.
Do you not have any neighbors? Can you invite a friend or sibling's family for shabbos?
Can they play outside? Take a walk, even if you're not heading anywhere?
I also like to put aside certain toys to be just for shabbos, so it becomes special.
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Optione




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 19 2016, 8:06 pm
Like pizza4 mentioned, we have special shabbos toys. They are toys that the kids really like and spend a lot of time with (think building toys) and I only take them down for shabbos.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Sat, Nov 19 2016, 9:18 pm
It sounds like they need a schedule, and a marble jar.
Schedule everything
You follow the schedule a marble goes in the jar.
The jar gets full, we do something fun on Sunday.
Also, you want it as a joint effort.

Get up and get dress nicely
Breakfast
Davening with mommy
Play with --- toy
Clean up
Help set up for lunch
Kiddush
Lunch
Sing at the table
Help clean up
Story time with daddy
Nap
Play Outside
Help set up for Shabbat party
Shabbat party/Seuda Shelishit
Help clean up
Play with ---toy until havdala
Clean up
Havdala
Bath
Story with daddy
Shema and sleep

can you get a chesed girl or 2 from the local high school to help out Shabbat afternoon for 2 hours? Call the high school and ask.
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yOungM0mmy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 2:39 am
Of course they're destructive, they're bored! Unfortunately for you DH doesnt care and you have a needy baby, but either you have to be actively involved with the kids, or you have the choice to deal with the mess after. If I was in your place I'd make an active decision to run a few weekends of 'mommy camp' where they are focused, entertained and supervised all the time (exhausting, trust me, I know). Bribery helps. For sunday you get it a little easier - things like playdough, stickers, stencil drawing (even a bit of screen time) can mean they are supervised and focused but you dont have to be as involved every minute. If you're with them, you also make sure they clean up that item before they move on, so not an overwhelming mess for them (or you) to deal with later.
Gradually you tell them to do x for a certain amount of time, like 5 or 10 minutes to start with, and only up to 20 or 30 minutes - you just can not leave kids this age and with this temperament for any length of time.
You also want to work on boundaries - certain things are just not theirs to touch, and on the general tidying up concept.
Fact: kids who are bored or want parental attention will act out or get destructive. Its up to you to decide whether you'd rather actively entertain your kids all day, or let them do their own thing (great for their independence) and deal with the fall out later.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:06 am
My kids are the same way and the only thing that works is to keep them out of the house for most of the day. We have special shabbos toys for the mornings - before the meal. After the meal, DH and I take turns - one naps and the other takes the kids out to the park or for a walk. We basically keep them out from the meal until mincha time. Once in a while, they will go to a friend's house.
It's really hard Hug
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manhattanmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:13 am
Yes, it's always easier to parent when you're outside...When the kids are busy and not tearing apart your house...but you do have to know skills for when you have to be at home. Especially on shabbos--when you aren't as busy doing errands and cleaning, etc....Do you or your husband sit down on the floor and play with the kids? Even a 20 minute period of you or your husband doing a puzzle with them or playing an age appropriate game--or building with some kind of blocks or tiles set? Usually, once you give your kids undivided attention for even a very short time--15 minutes or so they can carry on with the activity when you step away for a while--and they'll play appropriately. They usually need some modeling. Most kids don't just "know how to play"
Even if you're sitting and feeding the baby, teach them to play 20 questions, I spy, or a smiliar game so you can be engaged with them.
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