How would you respond to this?

FranticFrummie

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:46 pm

smile12345 wrote:

Am I the only one whose response is, 'this kid is only 7'?
I'm not saying I would respond the right way in the moment as unfortunately it's hard to be the best mom when there's chaos going on, but I still don't think this is so terrible coming from a seven year old. If he was 17 then some of these responses would be warranted.
I find that it's during the times when things are the most hectic that kids try to catch your attention for the most ridiculous things, often just because they want a little extra care and attention.

It's not terrible, and it's totally age appropriate. DD never wanted my attention, but the second the phone rang and it was an important call, she'd be all over me. I get it.

The thing is, you have to teach your kids when it's appropriate to want attention, and to use their seichel. You can say "not now" to your kids, as long as you make up for it extra when you get a few minutes of down time. Read an extra book before bed, and extra hug, a word of praise, etc.

Fill up that love tank every chance you get, but you still have the right to set boundaries and not come running for every little thing. Otherwise, you'll be the amother posting "I'm so burned out!"

I only have one child, and this was a very important part of chinuch for us. With 8 kids, you can multiply how important this is!

Laiya

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:48 pm

amother wrote:

I think it was too cozy and warm under the covers for him to get out and move his clothing over by himself. He's quite independent overall - he's been dressing himself and showering himself for years - but it's so much nicer to get dressed under the blanket without throwing it off just yet, so if someone would just help him by moving is clothing closer....

On a side note, dh had the idea to set the steam to a higher temperature than we normally keep it, just for that half hour when they're getting up and out the door. This actually made a huge difference in how quickly they get out of bed.

trixx

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:05 pm

amother wrote:

Am I the only one here reading that the child is looking for mothering? I would hand it to him and say something like, "oh, it's so cold, you wanted to stay warm, right?". A one time situation of a child being a child is no cause for anger. He is allowed to show his dependency now and then, he is still young. If it becomes a pattern, I would address it behaviorally in a proactive, positive way.

his responsibility, maturity, need of mothering etc aside, am I the only one who is thinking how chutzpadik (intentional or not) this is of a child? to dare call your mother to pick your clothing off the floor for you?? that would never have occurred to me even at age 7. and I can imagine that if I had tried something like that I would've gotten it from my father later on.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:10 pm

trixx wrote:

It wasn't on the floor. It was on the foot of his bed, and he wanted me to pass it to him so he could get dressed without coming out from under the covers.

animeme

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:16 pm

To him, screaming for you was logical. He would have happily come and got you or had you help him where you were if it were possible, but since the issue was not getting out of bed, he had to tell for your makes sense, right?

Yes, he may have wanted mothering. I've got a kid who, at this age, wad happy to dress herself as long as I stayed in the room with her and paid attention only to her. Understandable, but impossible in the morning. So when one morning this child was screaming from upstairs for me to come, I calmly told her I would come when I was able but she could continue on. Ten minutes later, I found her, still in the bathroom, having called me because there was no toilet paper or tissues and she couldn't go anywhere without them. Oops.

yksraya

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:20 pm

trixx wrote:

It's not chutzpadig!!!! It's childish! It's a way of saying "I want my mommy's attention now before a long day in school".

OP I would either give it to him and told him to nicely dress himself and left the room, or I would've given a choice of either I can give it to you, or if you take it yourself you get a little treat or prize.

Fox

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:20 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

DD never wanted my attention, but the second the phone rang and it was an important call, she'd be all over me.

What is it about kids and mom being on the phone? I used to think that invisible rays wafted through the air whenever I got on the phone, bringing my own children and children from miles away to pull at me, climb on me, and generally act like they'd never been fed or loved in their lives. When the phone call ended, they'd mysteriously disappear to wherever they came from.

Lots of good advice up-thread. I would just add a tefillah when something like this happens, "Dear G-d, thank you for not letting me kill this kid today!"

rgr

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:32 pm

animeme wrote:

At that point I'd tell them the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:48 pm

trixx wrote:

My kids know that Mommy is not a maid and that anything they can do themselves, they should. If a kid would call me for that, I'd be mad and yell back do it yourself! Even if I'd be right there in the room I would say the same thing. Yes, sometimes I'll do them a favor, like if a kid is seated at the table and needs a spoon while I"m standing, I'll give it to him, but if we're both seated, sorry, go get it yourself!

amother

Smokey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:54 pm

Ask your DH to learn with him the Gemara
קידושין דף מה - "לא חציף איניש לשוויי אבוה שליח"

Basically IIRC the Gemara is discussing a person appointing a shaliach (representative) to be mekadesh a woman for him.

But, says the Gemara, a person doesn't have the chutzpah to make his own father his shaliach. Of course few people of our generation understand this Gemara.

yksraya

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

Her kid is 7 for heavens sake!!!!!!

flowerpower

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:14 pm

Sounds something like my 7 year old would do. She has called me from downstairs to bring her uniform to her bed from the hallway. It doesn't make me mad. Either she needs some extra tlc or she really is still tired and needs that extra push. If it would happen daily or even weekly would be a different story.
Now regarding your hectic part of the story- prepare lunches, snacks, clothes, bookbags... The night before. Makes a huge difference.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 11:31 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I didn't list all the things I already do the night before. By the time I go to bed, I am DONE and cannot do anything else. What I leave for the morning is minimal, believe me.