Please tell me there is an end in sight

pizza4

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:49 pm

I'm not even near the teenage kid years...but sometimes I think I am, lol! DD (5) likes to tell me, you're not a good mommy; you never give me (fill in the blank); I never get (fill in the blank)!
The first few times I thought it was funny. Like, you're growing up, omg! Then it starts getting annoying so I started gently correcting her, by asking her, never, sweetie? Really? You did get --- yesterday, didn't you? And replacing it with "very long time" or better yet leave that all and just ask nicely for the thing you want...
When the kvetch begins, though, oh forget it...

sped

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 2:59 am

pizza4 wrote:

At this age I try to replace such comments with, "You mean to say I really love you, and I really want XYZ and wish I could have it again. Right?" or something like that.
(Note "TRY)

sped

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 3:01 am

I overheard DD (3.5 years) kvetching to herself, "I have to do EVERYTHING in this house. No one else does anything!" I think I had asked her to put her socks away or something like that.
All I could think was, "Wow. This does start early!"

Iymnok

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 4:12 am

Amalia wrote:

This is such a great thread! Thank you everyone for your real-life examples and input! It's helping me so much to see it in perspective, after my son (11) casually put it to me a few days ago, "mommy, you are getting the 'worst mother in the world' award." I laughed, but it really did make me feel bad.
And the "everyone" argument: it is driving me up the walls! And not even "plain everyone" but "very frum everyone", whatever that is...
Oh, and I have to add this one: "why don't you EVER do anything nice for me?" Oy gevald
Thank you again for this thread!

Finally!
That award means you succeeded!

saw50st8

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 7:32 am

debsey wrote:

Thanks, Chayalle - It's a really big issue. There's just this peer pressure to eat out all the time. Every night my son gets a call from a different group of kids (between his camp friends and his school friends and his neighborhood friends and his sports friends) asking him to come eat out. We live within biking distance of a lot of fast food joints, so it's not like he even has to ask for a ride. He really feels that I am the only mother who doesn't fund this habit as a matter of course. He knows, of course, that I'm not the only one, but the social pressure is enormous. He happens to be in a wealthier class, so I guess these parents have money to burn? I don't get it. Eating out should be a treat, not a nightly event.

I appreciate the validation of what I'm doing from someone as level-headed as you.

Is there a reason he can't just go and not order food? I've done this a lot (as an adult) due to dietary issues or even just cost. He can still hang out with his friends and have fun. It doesn't have to kill his social life (if he feels like it is).

debsey

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 9:48 am

saw50st8 wrote:

I absolutely do not want him hanging out in restaurants. It doesn't seem to be about being in the restaurant, because he's just as happy if I tell him "OK, here's 20.00, you can buy a sandwich and a side and bring it home." My kids know that the hanging out in restaurant scene is not something I approve of at all. His social life is fine - he's always playing basketball or some other sport with a group of boys. It's more that this lifestyle of eating out every night is "chilled" (in his words) and he'd like to join it. If I ask him during a calm moment - am I right or wrong? He agrees that it's wrong. He agrees that his friends look like total bums sitting there shmoozing and laughing loudly for hours. It's still a temptation.

debsey

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 9:49 am

Sheryl88 wrote:

You should give him his freedom. He has to make his own decisions, especially because you have a boy

Do you really believe that? A 14 year old should just "make his own decisions"? My job as a parent is to educate my child and raise him to be a mentch. When he's 24 and not living in my home, he can make his own decisions, hopefully at that point he'll look back at what he's learned growing up, and make the right ones. If he doesn't - I won't have to feel guilty that I didn't bring him up properly.

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 10:09 am

Amalia wrote:

I learned a while back that "everyone in my class has XYZ" usually counts up to about 5 out of 25....

Everyone goes to sleep at midnight (At PTA I kept hearing mother say their kids are embarrassed of their bedtime....averaged at 8 pm....)
Everyone is going to sleepaway camp this summer (5 kids went, and no way was DD ready)
Everyone has a cell phone
Everyone has a newer type of camera
.....

debsey

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 10:10 am

Chayalle wrote:

Someone wrote an article in Binah once and it said she hung up a sign on her fridge "Rabbi Everybody doesn't pasken shailos in this house."

saw50st8

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 10:28 am

debsey wrote:

Ah ok, that's totally different :-)

What about getting him one of those cookbooks (or printing our recipes) that are "restaurant copycat" stuff and making it together? That will:

1) Allow a bonding experience
2) Show him that it takes a lot of effort to make good food and he should appreciate you more
3) Still allow him to eat restaurant quality food

debsey

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 10:35 am

saw50st8 wrote:

That's a good idea. I have those cookbooks. I can point him in their direction. Thanks!

Amalia

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 3:25 pm

"Rabbi Everyone" line is phenomenal: I'll use it a lot, thank you, debsey!

And I very much agree with your attitude, and the line about the future daughter-in-law YIH is great, I'll use that one, too, if you don't mind.

Thank you lymnok for the compliment.

And thank you Chayalle for your perspective on the "everyone" argument!

debsey

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 3:45 pm

Amalia wrote:

Welcome to the "Worst Mother In The World Club" We're affiliated with the worldwide Evil Mother Conspiracy Group and our archenemies are the Permissive Parents.

I think I'm the president. I've just inducted you into our circles. Mwahahaha.......