Neighbor uses my wifi

debsey

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 10:36 am

I also agree with SixOfWands that it's not a matter for logical argument. If you start arguing about "it slows my internet" vs "it doesn't" or "it is a security risk" vs "it isn't" that's having a debate. Emotions are by nature not logical. Saying "I read this article about security and now I'm not comfortable" isn't open to debate. She can say "my sister says you should be comfortable," but her sister can't dictate your emotional state! You can keep saying "I hear you, but it just doesn't make me feel comfortable." "But my sister says it's not a risk" "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable."

In this case, the emotional argument is actually a lot stronger than the logical one.

WhatFor

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:43 am

I'm in the"give no reason" camp for this kind of personality. Simply, "DH and I decided that for personal reasons, we're no longer going to be sharing the wifi password. We wanted to give you a couple of days notice."
If the follow up is "but why?" Or "what kind of personal reasons?", "They're personal and we aren't going to be discussing it but please do let me know if you need the contact info for our wifi provider!"
Friendly but removed. This is a good opportunity for you to work on being assertive. And if she pushes beyond that, realize that the individual being inappropriate is her. (Her: "I really need this chessed! I can't believe you're doing this!" You: "I'm sorry that we're not able to help you with this.")
If this gets difficult for you, remember that you're not negotiating with her. You're providing her with information about her upcoming circumstances. As though you're explaining to someone why they can't fly from Los Angeles to Israel in three hours. That's just how it is. And if your friendship is liable to fall apart over this, ask yourself what kind of friendship you had.

Last edited by WhatFor on Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:48 am; edited 1 time in total

gold21

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 12:17 pm

gande wrote:

I did not say it was selfish of them. I was describing what kind of people they are in general.

The Torah teaches us chesed and it is a mitzvah like any other.

If the neighbor feels entitled and is not nice to the op or the op does not feel safe with sharing, then of course she shouldn't.

But hey, calm down ladies, the op asked if she should let her ego get in the way of sharing and my answer is no.

The Torah also tells us not to rely on chesed unless we have no other choice.

imeinu

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 3:28 pm

lifeswonderful wrote:

Hi so my nieghbor asked me a while ago if she can use my wifi and of course I'm paying a nice amount monthly for this and she wants to use it for free. I'm frustrated cause I just realized that she uses it on 3 different devices and every day! I feel like mayb I should just let her cause I'm anyways paying cause I need it for myself and why not let her but on the other hand let her pay half of it too!
I wanto know what you people think about it...

would this fall in the category of "zeh nehneh, vzeh lo chaser"?

if you dont want to let her use if for security or connectivity speed reasons, then I'd tell her she cant use it for those reasons.
However if it doesnt slow you or make you more at risk for issues, I'd let her.
This seems to be the more mature version of "can the neighbor's kid ride my sons bike when he's not using it."

Orchid

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 6:06 pm

imeinu wrote:

If neighbor is technically not using it at all when OP uses it, it wouldn't slow her down. But do you really believe that the neighbor will only use it between X and Y hours? And what if OP changes her mind and needs to use it during X and Y hours? The whole thing is just ripe for abuse on the neighbor's part. And like other's have said, OP can get in trouble if her neighbor does something illegal using her wifi.

imeinu

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 6:14 pm

Orchid wrote:

if that is the case, then OP is definately losing out and that is enough reason to ask neighbor to stop.

greenfire

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 8:01 pm

I thought wi-fi is something you might temporarily share with a guest rather than a neighbor on a permanent basis ... it's not ethical in much the same way hooking your house up to the neighbors utilities ... which is why there are separate meters

what is the halachic permissibility in stealing ? לא תגנוב

imasinger

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 8:22 pm

I like debsey's explanation about zeh neheneh v'zeh lo chaser.

The analogy that came up for me was this.

Neighbor comes and says, I have a problem in my bathroom, can I use yours.

One time, in a pinch, sure. A few times, even.

More than that? Why aren't you calling the plumber? My kids need their bath.

I also think her strategy for where to go from here is great.

Don't feel guilty for setting limits.

If you do, you'll end up being taken advantage of.

Give chesed if and when it makes sense. But let it be your decision, not something you were pressured into.

imalady

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 9:26 pm

OP - seriously, why do you mind so much if she gets a free ride? Why is it bothering you?

I have secure internet that I don't share because I don't want anyones sins on my head, but otherwise, it doesn't cost you extra for her to use it.

if you use it for work that's a whole different story, then the speed really matters.

MagentaYenta

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 9:35 pm

imalady wrote:

So it's okay for you to protect your privacy but not for the OP? Why the double standard?

moonstone

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 10:52 pm

And what if the neighbor has a guest, and the guest does something illegal that OP will be on the hook for? OP, just tell her you can't share anymore for security reasons, and if she keeps insisting that it's safe, do as another poster suggested and say you're not comfortable. Make it about you. "Sorry, I've heard too many horror stories and I'm just not comfortable."

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 10:58 pm

imalady wrote:

Seriously? Why would it bother someone if the neighbor got a free ride? I dont know about anyone else, but if Im paying for a service, for my home, then thats where it should be used. Not in someone else's home. And no, life is not a free ride. If they want to use the internet, they must pay for it.
And that is why we have a password on ours and so do all of my neighbors. This must also be cultural as I never heard of anyone ever asking a neighbor to use their wifi. And not for long periods of time.
I do remember once, our internet was running MUCH slower than usual. We couldnt figure out the problem. My husband, who is a computer guy, started checking things out and then we saw that a neighbor was using our internet. We right away called the company and made it password secure.
Im still extremely shocked at how many people here think its fine to piggy back off of someone else's payment of something. Its not ok. And that is not how one should live. You want something? You have to pay for it.

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 12:28 am

moonstone wrote:

Why the whole shpiel? Why arguments? You are correct with what you are saying, but the easy way out is to just change the password, and not give it out again. This way there is no hard feelings between the 2, because there is no place for arguments. It's changed. Period. You want it? No. Period. She starts begging, walk away. Period.