Hit my 5 yr old- who else has done this

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 9:17 am

I lost it with her. While I was feeding the baby she emptied the entire marker container onto the floor, laughing. She kicked all the markers around. When I finished feeding him, I gave into my anger. I yanked her up by the arm hard, dragged her into her room and hit her. Yelled at her shes so chutzpadik. This brought fresh tears from her.
Has anyone else gone through this? Has anyone else hit their kids out of anger?
I know shes looking for attention. Im dissapointed in myself for giving in to my anger....

mommy3b2c

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 9:27 am

It's happened once or twice. Apologize to her. Explain that physical aggression is never the answer, but that everyone makes mistakes. She made a mistake by throwing all the markers and you made a mistake by hitting her. Resolve together to learn from your mistakes.

pizza4

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 9:50 am

Throwing markers all over the floor is a mess but not dangerous. I wouldn't say anything. Then either: clean it up myself later and she won't have markers the next time she asks for it, or, before giving her the next thing she wants say the markers need to be back in the box before you get this.
Remember that she did this only to get your attention and a reaction out of you.

myym

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 9:52 am

I don't mean to pour salt on the wound, but personally I think not only is it wrong that you reacted to your anger, but why is spilling out markers making you so angry? She didnt color on anything..

Blessing1

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 10:04 am

Sorry if this might offend you, but I'm shocked at your reaction. My kids throw markers all the time, big deal. But to do what you did to your child is unacceptable no matter what she did. I feel bad for her. Seems like you have a temper/anger issue. Throwing markers shouldn't get a person so angry.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 10:11 am

It's happened to me too a handful of times, but more like when one kid is harassing the living daylights out of the other kid, when a kid is destroying things intentionally. I let my kids make mess, they're kids. We clean up together at the end of the day.

Also, a 5 year old can find it very difficult when there is a relatively new baby in the house that needs undivided feeding attention every few hours. She's jealous and needs extra loving attention, especially during that time. Maybe she can be in charge of getting the baby's diaper/paci/whatever-else-is-needed ready for the baby when baby's done eating. Maybe baby's feeding time can be when you read her a book, play a game, or just shmooze with her. Try to make her feel included and special.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 10:47 am

I have done this a handful of times in a bad moment. Most would say I am a very good mother and I really think I am. These were isolated instances and each time I learned something from and made changes to prevent a repeat.

If I understand OP it was not the markers on the floor that was the trigger it was the chutzpahdik attitude. As the mother of one kid who really does push my buttons I understand.

Of course you will learn from this. (Maybe learn not to take this kid so seriously so your buttons don't get pushed.) but if your situation is like mine, I would not jump to conclusions based on one time that you are a bad/abusive mother.

I never hit hard and never more than one push or shake. But yes I have lost my temper with this kid. If that helps you feel more normal... not that losing temper and getting physical is okay. it's a failure, but it can come in the context of generally healthy and normal parenting.

Blessing1

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 12:36 pm

Hitting & yelling are somewhat fine once in a while. But dragging a child is barbaric.
I think a 5 year old doesn't understand the concept of chutzpah.

laer

Mon, Dec 05 2016, 12:52 pm

Everytime we would do something wrong my dad would give us a big hug and say I am disappointed by what u did but I love you. We grew up respecting him and loving him and would do anything to make him happy. I do the same thing today . Kids learn by example. Kids will do anything to be loved and appreciated. It is hard at times but I thank my dad for
being the best role model. My kids love their Zaidy.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Dec 06 2016, 3:35 pm

You're not alone, but you should try to think of an alternative for yourself next time you get so upset with her. If you can think of something specific for yourself to do instead (rather than just decide not to hit her), it will be easier not to hit her (because you are replacing an action with a different action). Also, you should apologize to her and give her a more appropriate punishment if you feel it is warranted (like, no markers for 1 day or something).