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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
No time for my 2 year old



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solo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 7:31 pm
I am 2 months pp with my 4th child. My others are 5, 3.5, and 2.
I hired a lady to help me out with the kids and light housekeeping in the afternoon. She gives the kids supper. My husband is home in time to put the 2 oldest to bed most nights.
All my kids want my attention all the time, but my 2 year old won't quit. The babysitter brings him home from playgroup at 1. From 1pm until bedtime at 7 he whines, cries or tantrums. He refuses to be helped by or play with the babysitter. He wants me to hold him. When I'm nursing he climbs all over me and kvetches. He started waking in middle of the night and coming into my bed or insisting that only I put on his blanket.
I know what he wants. Me. I try to give him as much as I can. It's not enough and I understand that. I can't take being touched and listening to his whining all day. And I do t know how to help him.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 7:38 pm
op, when the babysitter brings him home, hand her the baby and give him some undivided attention every day. read him books, play with him, bathe him, tell him you love him, hugs, kisses, cuddles. read to him while you nurse.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 8:48 pm
I feel terrible for him!

He must be feeling so abandoned and deprived to be acting out like that:(

It must be so difficult on you too. You got a lot on your plate now...
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thanks




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 8:53 pm
Reward him for playing with the babysitter, for staying in his bed at night, for staying off you when you nurse, etc. That way, he's getting your attention and approval for being good. Right now, he know that whining will get your attention. He doesn't know that when he behaves you will give him attention.

The reward could be a smile of approval, or a prize, whatever is appropriate.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 9:23 pm
Try spending an hour with him when he comes home. That should calm him down and give him some of the attention he craves from you, and will hopefully make the rest of the day easier.
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chayamiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 9:29 pm
How horrible for this poor child to feel like he has to grab attention from mommy or else she wont give him any or the amount he needs. Your setting him up for problems later on in his life. The baby can find attention from someone else. This little child needs his mommy!!
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chayamiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 9:29 pm
How horrible for this poor child to feel like he has to grab attention from mommy or else she wont give him any or the amount he needs. Your setting him up for problems later on in his life. The baby can find attention from someone else. This little child needs his mommy!!
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 10:41 pm
Op maybe your 2 year old needs a nap when after he gets home and gets some cuddle time? Poor little guy, I agree that it's vital you spend some fun quality time with him.
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acemom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 10:49 pm
mummiedearest wrote:
op, when the babysitter brings him home, hand her the baby and give him some undivided attention every day. read him books, play with him, bathe him, tell him you love him, hugs, kisses, cuddles. read to him while you nurse.


I agree with mummiedearest. Try to schedule feedings for a while after he comes home, and let the babysitter take care of the newborn while you spend time with the 2 year old.

Good for you for realizing the challenges of the situation and looking for solutions.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 11:10 am
Hug
I'm 1 month pp with my 4th and my almost 3-year-old has been acting similarly.
Just wanted to let you know it is normal!

What everyone else said was great and also, try having him "help" you with the baby.
For example, I put the baby in the bouncer seat and ask the 2 year old to "watch" her while I get something for a minute from the other side of the room.
I'll ask the 2 year old to sing a song to the baby and tell him - wow, the baby loves your song! Look how happy you made her! You are such a helpful big brother!

And remember, this stage will pass!
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amother
Coral


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 12:14 pm
chayamiriam wrote:
Your setting him up for problems later on in his life.


Your post is rather harsh.
OP is doing nothing wrong and coming here to get advice on how to deal with it.
Yes she has to make sure to give him attention, but also note that she's two weeks PP, everyone's feeling a bit out of sorts and it's NORMAL.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 12:58 pm
No judgments, I just want to share my experience because it may be hlepful. I was in a similar situation when I had my 7th child. I had a 2yo, I was also in school at the time and in a very pressured situation. My 2yo used to climb all over me while I was trying to take care of the baby or get my work done and I would get so annoyed with her. Today she is 9 years old and is an extremely smart, sweet, wonderful girl but there is something lacking in our relationship. She still asks for hugs and says that she "never" gets any hugs from me. I think this all goes back to her feeling rejected when she was a toddler.

I agree with other posters that you need to set aside an hour or so right when the 2yo comes home to give your undivided attention. (I didn't have the luxury of a babysitter, so if you have one use it to your advantage!)
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 6:22 pm
amother wrote:
She still asks for hugs and says that she "never" gets any hugs from me. I think this all goes back to her feeling rejected when she was a toddler.


...and my 9 year old daughter was the only child till she was 6. She got undivided attention from 2 parents 24/7. She got non stop cuddles and stories. We almost suffocated her with hugs and kisses (joking, but you get the picture ) even after I had other children the attention continued. We take her out for private mum/dad dates... we do everything plus more.

...and she still asks for hugs and says that she never gets hugs from me!!!
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 6:38 pm
amother wrote:
...and my 9 year old daughter was the only child till she was 6. She got undivided attention from 2 parents 24/7. She got non stop cuddles and stories. We almost suffocated her with hugs and kisses (joking, but you get the picture ) even after I had other children the attention continued. We take her out for private mum/dad dates... we do everything plus more.

...and she still asks for hugs and says that she never gets hugs from me!!!


Well that makes me feel better! Very Happy
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 7:01 pm
My mother had this situation with one of my sisters when my sister was this age. There were a lot of family crises going on and she couldn't deal with my sister needing attention. They have a strained relationship to this day.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 8:22 pm
I had a problem like yours with DD number 3.
Like you I was lucky and had a sitter/ housekeeper (didn't do much housekeeping actually) who came in most days for a few hours.
You didn't say if you're breast feeding. I was, but supplemented with one bottle a day. With my older two I used to save the bottle for a night feeding. After third DD came along I made a point of saving the bottle for housekeeper to give infant while I spent time with big sister. I let two year old see baby sister being bottle fed by sitter and then I'd take her into another room to color or make cookies or just hang out. Doesn't mean she never saw baby sis breastfeeding, but she never came home from gan to find sitter waiting for her and Mommy holding and cuddling baby. Sometimes we even went for a walk or shopping together just the two of us and left baby home with babysitter.
Took DD #2 some time to stop the whining and clutching at me, but I think it helped that there were times when she saw I handed off baby and gave her my full attention.
And to all the posters giving you nightmares about the repercussions into and beyond adulthood, I just don't agree. You have years to put into your relationships with your kids, and this isn't the only thing going into the mix.
Good luck!
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 8:50 pm
if ur feeling up to it can you go pick up the 2 year old from playgroup and have the housekeeper watch the baby for that hour?
might help a little in the early afternoon be4 the older ones get home?

good luck
definitely a very hard situation to be in.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 9:00 pm
Oh dear OP, I feel for you. My baby was three and acted out like crazy. It was sooo hard for me. I wish I could be of support to you.
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