Help me sleep train my 5 year old

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Gold

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 12:49 am

My son is IMPOSSIBLE at night. I just had my 3rd. He is the oldest. I have finally decided to stop his behavior. He does not know how to sleep a full night....every. single. Night. He gets up and comes to my room, lately screaming and waking EVERYONE up. He said stubborn kid and doesn't know how to be quiet.
I need a method to help him go to sleep and stay asleep the entire night.
When he comes to my room he sleeps nicely but I can't have him there anymore.
I tried tonight to make him go to sleep without my laying there. It took an hour with tonz of yelling and screaming.
He got up at 12 and is still up. It is almost 1 here. He woke the entire family uplan and wouldn't stop screaming for anything. I finally got him to calm down but don't think it will last. Is there any method someone can recommend or any type of professional or therapist I can call?

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 7:10 am

Dr. Weissbluth's book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child".

losingweight

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 7:15 am

I'm not a big believer, but maybe give him melatonin? What wakes him up? Can he possibly have sleep apnea?

MyUsername

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 7:19 am

Don't give melatonin without consulting a doctor. The child can become dependent on it, which is unfortunate for a 5 year old.

Smile1234

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 7:22 am

I've heard that Batya the baby coach is very good. Google her. She charges a nice amount though
Good luck!

Last edited by Smile1234 on Fri, Nov 04 2016, 8:09 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Gold

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 7:54 am

Thanks everyone. I was up till 3 with him and he woke my daughter up also who wouldn't go back to bed. AND he still came to dh bed ...

amother

Seashell

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 8:11 am

What if you set up a mat on the floor of your room for him.
Not ideal, but slowly you can teach him to sleep a little further away from you. Then outside your room until he gets use to the idea.
DD is going through the same thing with her 4 and 2 yr old.
Is his bedroom on the other side?
GC bedroom is.
Maybe, He gets up and is afraid.

gp2.0

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 8:29 am

First, figure out what's waking him up every night.

-outside noise? Get a noise machine or thick curtains
-outside light? Get thick curtains
-inside light? Maybe he needs a dimmer room
-lack of light? Maybe he needs a nightlight (or a brighter nightlight)
-thirsty? Maybe he needs a spill proof water bottle near his bed (we use sippy cups)
-hungry? Maybe he needs to eat dinner closer to bedtime or a snack right before bed
-bathroom? Make sure he uses it right before going to bed and that it's possible for him to go alone in middle of the night if he needs to (nightlight in bathroom or hallway)
-bad dream? Teach him that bad dreams can feel real and scary but they are just fake movies our brains play at night when they're bored. Teach him to redirect his thoughts with visual imagery - when he has a bad dream, he can lock it up in a box where it can't come out again, and then he can think of his favorite things so he'll dream good dreams instead.
-night fears? Get him a soothing toy or blanket to cuddle with at night.

About screaming - non negotiable. No screaming allowed at night unless there's an emergency. He can come talk to you if he needs to, but no screaming. At 5 years old it's very likely the screaming is just to manipulate you into doing what he wants. You'll do anything to get him to stop screaming. Not good. You need to flip the situation around so that his screaming is meaningless. Ignore it.

About kids sleeping in their own beds - the only way to get kids to sleep in their own beds is to keep walking them back to bed quietly and calmly. Every time he comes out, you walk him back, say night time is for sleeping. Over and over. Do not react to the screaming. Sit with him for five minutes and then say you need to do something and you'll be back if he's quiet.

You can also do a sticker chart if you think he'd be responsive to it. Maybe one chart for staying quiet all night, another chart for staying in his own bed all night.

losingweight

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 9:10 am

There are kids that suffer from nighttime terror. They usually outgrow it.

gp2.0

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 9:31 am

losingweight wrote:

There are kids that suffer from nighttime terror. They usually outgrow it.

Night terrors are different. With night terrors, the child is unaware they are screaming and have no memory of it the next day. It's kind of like sleep talking or sleep walking except with screaming and crying. The child's eyes may be opened or closed, but they're totally unaware, they're still basically asleep and dreaming. Very different than what OP is describing, which is a child awake, aware and screaming to get what he wants - to get OP to sit with him for hours (sounds like a tantrum to me, unless OP provides additional details.)

amother

Gold

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 10:21 am

Thanks for the responses. His room is down the hallway from mine. I can't figure out what is bothering him as he changes it everytime I ask...he says he doesn't like his room color. So I told him he can sleep in a different room..still not good. Says he wants an older person with him...when he sleeps with my brother he is good....problem is he is the oldest and we tried for like 6 months having the kids together. He will still not stay in the room and wakes up dd as well. He is REALLY stubborn and chutzpahdik and has no boundaries when it comes to that.
I would love to try a calm and loving approach but honestly it is getting harder and harder with him waking up dd and also dealing with my 2 months old baby (who right now is the best and easiest sleeper from all of them)
I tried charts and it didn't work. I plan on trying amother chart next week just Sunday to thursday so it's not too long and he can keep his eye on getting the prize faster and see if it helps. In general he has always been a difficult child and he pushes every single button he can with me and dh.

Regarding the mat suggestion....we had him on a blow up bed in our room at one point but it just is not working for us right now to do that....

gp2.0

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 11:50 am

Is it possible that he's not getting enough one on one time with you during the day, so he's claiming it at night instead? If you have a newborn he's transitioning to that too. He may not show it during the day so the anxiety comes out at night. Be proactive during the day about discussing how much you love and value him and spend small chunks of time with him when he can talk to you, cuddle with you and get some attention - read to him or play a game - with none of the other siblings interrupting.

amother

Plum

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 1:15 pm

If you say he is chutzpahdik and pushes buttons, I will make a suggestion that I know may be controversial but that works for my 5-yr-old who pushes buttons and who never slept well. (My second and third also were sleeping through the night while she was the one waking us all up with a variety of revolving, unresolvable issues.)

My suggestion is: lock his door from the outside. It's not different than putting a baby in a crib. Once we started doing that, my daughter really calmed down.

After a while this helped her develop the habit of staying in bed to the point that we didn't need to keep it locked as much because she wasn't checking it. Every now and then, she starts checking the door, and what behavior we'll accept in the middle of the night, again. And then we make sure to keep the door locked again.

honesty I do think the locked door is easier on her, she can relax knowing she's not missing out on any potential action or attention.

Obviously if you think your child is suffering from a genuine physical or emotional issue, other than the issue of wanting to push your buttons in the middle of the night, don't do this.

Also, make sure you would hear and get woken up if something did happen in your child's room that requires your attention.

We also have a sound machine in there. It's great and helps a kid not get woken up by external noise, but our kid was still waking up on her own.

amother

Amethyst

Sat, Nov 05 2016, 4:00 pm

Seriously, read Dr. Weissbluth's book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child".

amother

Ecru

Sat, Nov 05 2016, 7:32 pm

It sounds like he's scared. My oldest was like this too. Wanted someone older in the room Various things in the room were bothersome. In general we have come to notice anxiety in this child.

utissis

Sun, Nov 06 2016, 4:38 am

From what I read when training kids to sleep is that sometimes the kids body clock is just set to wake up in middle of night and it's more out of habit than for a specific reason. My young siblings slept with my parents for years!! They weren't afraid or hungry or thirsty just was a comfort they enjoyed. My parents didn't mind and so it worked.
What I've read as a solution is to disturb his sleep earlier on in the night (shake him half awake) before it's his regular time to wake up and ruin the pattern his body is used to. This way the biological clock is meddled with and won't get up at hour it usually does.
I don't have tried tested method because I trained my kids very young to sleep on their own beds and fall asleep without being dependent on something.
Hope this helps!! Good luck!!

Queen6

Sun, Nov 06 2016, 7:25 am

I'm sorry for sounding harsh but you are five years too late. This sounds like more than a sleeping issue. A five year old should be able to handle a "NO". Screaming and yelling at night and waking up the whole family is not acceptable. You need to work on him as a whole not just tackle the sleeping issue.
Look into a good parenting course.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Dec 12 2016, 1:57 pm

amother wrote:

I used Baby Sleep train and she is very reasonably priced and a huge help! totally worth it! babysleeptrain@gmail.com

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