Lighting a candle for a zechus.... yay or nay

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 8:44 am

I am struggling with one of my teenagers.
Practically we are doing all that we can, we are in constant touch with his rebbeim, we got him an outside tutor, we take him to therapy, hes even on medication, etc... (basically we really are investing a lot of money and time and efforts on his behalf)
I do see changes bh. but it's a really slow, long road.
There is one area that he just cant seem to get a grip on, it's causing enormous frustration, and affecting the whole family.
I'm wondering if spiritually there is something I can do. I daven, I make challahs every week and beg Hashem for a yeshuah.
Has anyone lit a candle for 40 days and seen a practical yeshuah?
I also want to know what is the mekor of this?
Are we supposed to have a certain tzaddik in mind?
How does it work?
Thank You!

PinkFridge

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 9:12 am

I second amother taupe and I'll add, keep doing whatever ruchniyus things you are doing, e.g. teshuva, tefilla, tzedaka.

The problem with segulos, however reputable, is that when we do them (I'll tell you a personal experience in a bit) we do them because we want to see certain results. Of course, when we daven we have specific bakashos too. But the idea of tefilla is to come close, to appreciate that wherever we are is the ratzon Hashem and we will stay connected and praise and thank Hashem in whatever situation we're in. Segulos might set ourselves up for disappointment unless we go into them with the attitude that we will still grow, regardless of the results.

My personal experience was saying Shir Hashirim for 40 days for shidduchim for a child (recommend by a very non-Chassidish rebbetzin). I remember that a few pesukim before the end, of my last day, the phone rang. I started trembling and thought, this will make a great story. Needless to say, the call was not a wrong number but had nothing to do with a shidduch. But it was a great investment. It added to my investment in dc and deepened my love and appreciation of her, and also deepened my appreciation for Shir Hashirim, which I thought was important.

If you light a candle, do it because it's something you saw in your home. Or learn about the tzaddik in whose zechus you're lighting, and try to emulate him. Make it a positive growth experience, and of course, we're all rooting for you and hope you see the yeshuos you need. Hugs and hatzlacha!

essie14

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 11:10 am

PinkFridge wrote:

I did segulot for friends, for myself, for family members. I never got the "instant gratification". EVER.
I said shir hashirim, tehillim, baked challah,visited Amukah, etc., etc. Everything and anything.

If lighting a candle makes YOU feel better, then do it. But don't think it's a magic fix to a very real problem.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 11:23 am

Okay, my mother lit candles for me as a zechus/yeshuah when I was a teenager.

Please do not do this.

It was very creepy for me. And disturbing. And it didn't work, in fact, and made more problems because it made me feel like my mom was trying to manipulate me through yeshuas.

Some things take work and time... there are things that don't have shortcuts. If you're davening and doing hishtadlus, those are the two things that will help your son most. Pour your heart out in tefillah, and continue working with your son to find him the salvation he needs, because those are the most powerful segulos you can do for your children.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 11:51 pm

Op, I will be the lone voice: yes, I undertook to light a flame for the Rimanover Rebbe for 40 days and saw a yeshua. Yes, I also undertook to light a flame for the Breslover Rebbe and say the tikkun klali for 40 days, and I saw a yeshua. The purpose of such a segulah is to give an aliyas neshama to the niftar, and daven that in return, the niftar be allowed to be a meilitz yosher for you, to daven along with you for the fulfilment of your bakasha. Of course the main aspect of the segulah is the davening, pleading, and tears, but in a situation where you feel true spiritual distress, employ every spiritual force in your aid! And do so privately, when your son is not home to see. One day when he is in a better place, if it will strengthen your relationship, you can tell him of your great emotional investment in your tefillos for his success. There is an aspect to Tefillah called "pegiah" - to constantly beg for one request, over and over. A commitment of 40 days means 40 prayers for your son, at least one every day....May you see great, great nachas from him.
P.S. look up Rebbe M'Riminov segulah here, you'll find directions for the segulah