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When a non jewish man compliments me



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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 11:27 am
Is it acceptable in the non jewish world for a married man to tell a married woman that she is beautiful?

I have gotten such compliments from workers in my house and each time it makes my radar go off.
I'm just wondering if in their minds is this perfectly normal or am I right to be a little creeped out?
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amother
Teal


 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 11:30 am
you say workers in your house so I'm guessing they might be a different ethnicity- might have different cultural norms.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 11:32 am
Not a different ethnicity. White English speaking guys.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 11:32 am
I would be scared if that happened when I was alone in my house with a worker.
But I think it's acceptable generally. My husband's friends (secular) have told me I look beautiful; the gas station attendant told me I have beautiful eyes (he didn't know I'm married).

It's just an innocent compliment. (Unless it's from a creepy guy in who's hitting on you.)
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yksraya




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 11:48 am
When it's in my house I ignore it as I've had more than once that workers tried to flirt. One even told me "you are too skinny lately, what does ... (Dh's name) to with you? He works for us often and has often flirted. I'm always skinny but was super skinny due to nursing (when my babies are almost a yr, I get too skinny and have to stop). That same guy often tells me he likes what I wear or other comments. I never answer the door for him (speak to him through intercom) if dh is not home as I don't feel comfortable when he is around.

If the comment is said outside of my house, in a storeor what, I sometimes smile politely and walk on. if it seems too flirtatious, I simply ignore it.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 12:24 pm
I think the answer is "sometimes" and it depends on context. For example, you mentioned these are workers in your house, so if they usually see you looking somewhat shlumpy at home and then they see you all dressed up for a special occasion, not so strange to make a comment that you look nice/ beautiful, etc. If just randomly saying it out of the blue, definitely awkward, not so appropriate. If accompanied by staring/ gawking - highly inappropriate.
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 12:36 pm
amother wrote:
...I'm just wondering if in their minds is this perfectly normal or am I right to be a little creeped out?
Yes to both. Maybe try a comeback like "Yes, my husband thinks so too" and then leave the room immediately.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 12:55 pm
I had a jewish guy in a clothing shop- who knew I'm married- tell me I'm beautiful and at first I ignored it.but when he repeated himself I looked him in the eye and said, you know I'm married and it's inappropriate for you to speak like this. He didnt stop.I ended up leaving because he was acting like a perv
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 3:16 pm
yksraya wrote:
When it's in my house I ignore it as I've had more than once that workers tried to flirt. One even told me "you are too skinny lately, what does ... (Dh's name) to with you? He works for us often and has often flirted. I'm always skinny but was super skinny due to nursing (when my babies are almost a yr, I get too skinny and have to stop). That same guy often tells me he likes what I wear or other comments. I never answer the door for him (speak to him through intercom) if dh is not home as I don't feel comfortable when he is around.

If the comment is said outside of my house, in a storeor what, I sometimes smile politely and walk on. if it seems too flirtatious, I simply ignore it.


I have been a little nervous with workers in the house, just because it is a closed environment and I would feel somewhat trapped and vulnerable. Outside less so, of course depending on the situation /surroundings.

Complements are one thing, at least I would feel the intentions were positive. But if anyone insulted my body in my own home telling me I was unattractive, too skinny, whatever, I don't think I would handle it too well. That's awful!
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 16 2016, 4:10 pm
Just stay home and hide under your bed and no one will bother you..

If you have to go to a Doctors office because your child is fatally ill or to work because your husband is " learning" just make a very angry face and say thats very inappropriate...
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 17 2016, 12:02 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
Just stay home and hide under your bed and no one will bother you..

If you have to go to a Doctors office because your child is fatally ill or to work because your husband is " learning" just make a very angry face and say thats very inappropriate...

I don't think OP is being silly.
When someone works in a woman's home he generally knows she is married. And in most cultures it is inappropriate to tell a married woman she is beautiful. In S. America it might get him killed.
So, yes OP, it is weird. I like saying what a poster suggested, "Thanks, my husband thinks so too" and leaving it at that.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 17 2016, 12:12 pm
It's hard to say if this is weird or not. So much depends on context and tone. Can you provide more details?
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 17 2016, 5:39 pm
What Dr Mom said. I wish it was viewed as 100% inappropriate men for men to be commenting to women they don't know on the woman's physical appearance, but unfortunately, in some cultures, it is normal, but always depending on context.

"Well, that is a lovely dress your wearing" or "that color looks great on you" I would think is more benign, and being friendly. Telling a married woman, "Wow, you look zexy" is not okay IMO. If I got that latter comment, you could just say something like, "In my culture, women are not spoken to that way, and I expect all men in my house to adhere to that standard." Or, more simply, "In my house, we don't talk that way to women." Same as you would be telling a child.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sat, Dec 17 2016, 6:52 pm
Ooh this reminds me of the time a frum man (who hadn't seen his wife, who was 6 months pregnant, in two months) was leaving my house.. I was single. As he was leaving, no one else was around, and he said in a low voice 'goodbye, pretty lady'..
Told my mother, she brushed it off. Never felt comfortable around him since. Even after I got married.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 18 2016, 12:26 am
amother wrote:
I have been a little nervous with workers in the house, just because it is a closed environment and I would feel somewhat trapped and vulnerable. Outside less so, of course depending on the situation /surroundings.

Complements are one thing, at least I would feel the intentions were positive. But if anyone insulted my body in my own home telling me I was unattractive, too skinny, whatever, I don't think I would handle it too well. That's awful!
and you would feel perfectly comfortable if a man said hey babe you have a hot bod , because his intentions were positive? Are you for real?
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