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If being a mom is what "you do," then read this...



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thegiver




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 1:29 am
It has come to my attention that being a stay at home mom means being mom is my full time occupation. But I have never allowed it to define me. "What do you do?" In a messed up post feminist society there is somewhat lack of pride in answering "I'm a mom--that's what's I do. I nurture." Have u heard the joke where moms instead answer "I'm a producer therapist doctor chef extrodinaire sleep trainer choffeur entertainer" etc

Flashback: It was last Shabbat and was sitting with no sefer or tehillim around and nothing productive that needed to get done and everyone's bellies were full boruch Hashem (most of our day revolves around food!!!! :-/) and I found all there was left to do was nurture my children with love. I was panged by the thought that this is what I could perceive my role to be every moment of every day (or most of the time) but in a productive oriented society--u wonder at the end of the day what is being produced, what am I getting done, what have I achieved? this precious-do-nothing-but-love-and-nurture is emphasized less and doing learning activities or keeping the children busy is emphasized more. How many days have I spent going places planning activities getting stuff done instead of just being still and showing love? It's a false idea that kids need toys that enrich their minds. My doctor says the greatest enrichment for children is when you spend time with them and talk to them or sing to them and focus on them.

If you are one of those priveledged wonder women who are successful at being there for ur kids and nurturing them most of the time, what are u telling ur self to keep this in perspective and what is ur relationship with ur children like? Pls inspire the rest of us. And how do u plan ur life accordingly to maximize nonproductivity and focus instead on being present?

(I'm a stay at home mom and lately we've all been extremely bored--so I'm finding it hard to just sit still and be nurturing and cuddly etc--all and any advice is valueable. My kids are 3 and almost 2 in case you wondering--somehow that question repeats itself more often than not...)
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queen esther




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 2:17 am
I love, love, love your post. Thank you so much for writing this. I agree with you that in today's busy crazy world, where we look at screens more than we talk to human beings, our kids do need us to just be there. Be loving. Be present and laugh with them and listen to them. About being a stay at home mom... I've been in and out of that role throughout the years. Your kids are little, and you didn't say if they go to a playgroup at all, so I'm assuming not. It makes sense to be bored sometimes with such little ones, and they do need to do things too- when you take them places and do activities that is also nurturing, as they are learning about the world. Even doing errands, if you talk to the kids about what you are doing, play I spy in the car, etc can be learning and loving times. When I had that age at home all day, we tried to balance the going out vs staying in.. It's hard to be in all day, for everyone. I found that going out a bit helped the monotony of little kid play be less. But I also tried to remember that these times do go by so fast, it's a cliche because it's so true.. and once they are in school, free time to just be with you is so much more limited. I try to remember that focusing on my child now, making them feel supported and important and giving them my full attention will help give them the confidence to be an emotionally healthy and successful person growing up...
But the day to day feelings of "but I'm not doing anything" do surface, and you just keep answering back, " I'm raising neshamos"- easier said than done!
Don't think I responded totally to all you wrote but I really appreciated your post
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 3:10 am
I'm following because I need chizuk. I know sahm is the only thing I can do now.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 9:29 am
I disagree. I feel tremendous pride when I say that I am a SAHM.
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newmom770




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 9:43 am
I like to say " full time mom". I think it sounds good because its similar wording to someone "working full time".
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bigsis144




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 10:19 am
OP, your post made me think of this article:

http://www.marketwatch.com/sto.....rss=1
(originally on Wall St. Journal, but it's apparently behind a paywall now, so here's as long an excerpt as I could find)

Quote:
In a big, postindustrial world, we treat most human activities as if they were either a kind of production or a kind of consumption—so that raising children is seen as either very badly paid work or a very expensive kind of luxury.
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acemom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 12:58 pm
How about this....

http://www.littlethings.com/st.....year/
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amother
Gold


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 1:10 pm
Definitely feeling the boredom/lack of productivity lately.
I think it's because we're more cooped up. Sure, we get out, but it's more limited and not as fun because it's so cold.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 2:36 pm
I'm usually uncomfortable telling people I'm a sahm. I feel bad for them that they have to work.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 2:46 pm
newmom770 wrote:
I like to say " full time mom". I think it sounds good because its similar wording to someone "working full time".


Working parents are also full-time parents. That is why I used the expression "stay-at-home mom" or variants thereof when I was one, even though we went out of the house quite a bit.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Sun, Jan 01 2017, 10:45 pm
After working for years I am finally a SAHM!

It's amazing!

I keep myself away from boredom by getting an occupation- the gym. With babysitting on premises. Give mom and child a social outing 2 or 3 times a week.

The transition was just that a transition.

Not looking back. I'm done.
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