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amother
Seagreen
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 Thu, Dec 22 2016, 10:19 am
| ora_43 wrote: | Find me ONE poster who has said that OP has any kind of obligation to keep employing her first nanny.
There are only two kinds of "pro-nanny" responses here:
1. It would be foolish to give up a reliable, competent employee based on hearsay, and/or to lose her over a relatively small amount of money (the difference between train fare and gas). This type of comment is absolutely coming from experience!!
2. You have to treat the nanny nicely. As in, give her (in this case, unpaid!) advance notice to find a new job. Not foot rubs  .
It disturbs me to think what part of previous posts could possibly have been read as people saying employers need to "bend over backwards" for their nannies. Do you think that not firing an employee based on a rumor is "bending over backward," or were you referring to the radical concept of not firing a woman for going on maternity leave? |
I re-read all the responses from the beginning and agree that I am probably projecting from other nanny threads and in general, the posters (who are almost unanimously encouraging OP to go back to the original nanny) are basing that opinion on the transportation costs/lie not bothering them more than on pity for the nanny in general.
But truthfully, you are the poster who has advocated for accomidating the nanny the most. You are saying that by not stating otherwise, OP has non verbally committed to rehiring her after the maternity leave. Excuse me? Why in the world? Based on what law or requirement?
The leave itself is highly suspicious (OP hasn't explained how she failed to detect a 7/8 month pregnancy- was nanny really pregnant?), and nanny was asking around for a "better" job before she left and has demonstrated that she isn't 100% straight. But OP is morally obligated to take her back even if she found a "better" employee in the meantime? Nanny can't have it both ways. She took a risk by leaving (whether that was in her control or not) and doesn't get to play both sides any more than OP. For all you know, nanny has been working for a hospice patient for $25/hour for 6 weeks, the patient passed, and now she wants her old job back.
OP, if you were happy with her work and can negotiate a fixed salary without extras like transportation, go for it. But if that transportation issue is just one more thing added onto a list of concerns that are nagging you and making you uncomfortable, your comfort comes before nanny's.
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amother
Aqua
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Thu, Dec 22 2016, 10:58 am
Just imagine if a frum woman was posting on here that she desperately needs money so she wants to go back to work with a few week old baby and her full time employee won't tell her if she has her job back. I think we'd all be outraged for her.
I think if overall the nanny was a good employee and good with the kids op should take her back and then if it's not working out let her know so she has time to find a new job. Ime there is no perfect employee the main thing is how they are with the kids. And I do have a babysitter.
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SixOfWands
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Thu, Dec 22 2016, 12:16 pm
| amother wrote: | I re-read all the responses from the beginning and agree that I am probably projecting from other nanny threads and in general, the posters (who are almost unanimously encouraging OP to go back to the original nanny) are basing that opinion on the transportation costs/lie not bothering them more than on pity for the nanny in general.
But truthfully, you are the poster who has advocated for accomidating the nanny the most. You are saying that by not stating otherwise, OP has non verbally committed to rehiring her after the maternity leave. Excuse me? Why in the world? Based on what law or requirement?
The leave itself is highly suspicious (OP hasn't explained how she failed to detect a 7/8 month pregnancy- was nanny really pregnant?), and nanny was asking around for a "better" job before she left and has demonstrated that she isn't 100% straight. But OP is morally obligated to take her back even if she found a "better" employee in the meantime? Nanny can't have it both ways. She took a risk by leaving (whether that was in her control or not) and doesn't get to play both sides any more than OP. For all you know, nanny has been working for a hospice patient for $25/hour for 6 weeks, the patient passed, and now she wants her old job back.
OP, if you were happy with her work and can negotiate a fixed salary without extras like transportation, go for it. But if that transportation issue is just one more thing added onto a list of concerns that are nagging you and making you uncomfortable, your comfort comes before nanny's. |
No one has urges OP to bend over backwards for anyone. We've told her that if she was happy with the original nanny's work, she should welcome her back. If she wasn't happy, then she should tell the nanny that she's made other arrangements. In fact, she should have done that long ago. And if she intended that the original nanny return, but conditions changes, OP should have told her ASAP.
Do you work outside the home? How early do you tell your employer that you're pregnant? How would you feel if your employer said "well, you weren't showing all that much, I'm not sure you really were pregnant. Provide proof. " Pretty darned offensive, IMNSHO. And how would you feel if your employer, whom you were counting on, waited until the last minute, then said "y'know, we thought we were going to take you back, but we changed our minds." Or worse yet, "you know, we think you were working for our competitor, but got fired. No reason. We just decided that's the case. So pound sand." Ridiculous.
I've seen plenty of people who treat their nannies the way you suggest. Somehow, their nannies are always leaving them high and dry for better jobs. Then there's people who treat them with more respect. Their nannies stay with them for years and years. The reasons are obvious.
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greenfire
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Thu, Dec 22 2016, 12:30 pm
somehow I think since you offered her train fare, it's up to her to decide what to do with it - not you
if your gut instinct tell you otherwise than why do you trust her at all with your most precious part of life - your children ?!
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amother
Seagreen
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Thu, Dec 22 2016, 2:44 pm
| SixOfWands wrote: | No one has urges OP to bend over backwards for anyone. We've told her that if she was happy with the original nanny's work, she should welcome her back. If she wasn't happy, then she should tell the nanny that she's made other arrangements. In fact, she should have done that long ago. And if she intended that the original nanny return, but conditions changes, OP should have told her ASAP.
Do you work outside the home? How early do you tell your employer that you're pregnant? How would you feel if your employer said "well, you weren't showing all that much, I'm not sure you really were pregnant. Provide proof. " Pretty darned offensive, IMNSHO. And how would you feel if your employer, whom you were counting on, waited until the last minute, then said "y'know, we thought we were going to take you back, but we changed our minds." Or worse yet, "you know, we think you were working for our competitor, but got fired. No reason. We just decided that's the case. So pound sand." Ridiculous.
I've seen plenty of people who treat their nannies the way you suggest. Somehow, their nannies are always leaving them high and dry for better jobs. Then there's people who treat them with more respect. Their nannies stay with them for years and years. The reasons are obvious. |
I tell my employee based on the company policy. And you can bet they expect documentation from me and require I sign medical release forms so they are authorized to speak to my ob/gyn and the hospital where I deliver for my medical records or dates of hospital admission if necessary.
OP is trying to clarify whether or not she is giving her the job, hence her post. She will be able to inform the nanny as soon as her decision is made. Unfortunately, her nanny is not eligible for FMLA or her job being held for 9 months, etc. but she's not. So OP came for advice and hopefully has gained clarity. This situation is not comparable to professionally working moms so don't pretend that it is or should be treated as such and don't hold OP up to that standard and make her feel guilty that she isn't. It's comparable to a playgroup assistant who tells the morah she is having a baby with 8 weeks notice to find a replacement and then expects her job back when she is ready to work again. Sorry. If the morah and kids like your replacement, nothing is guaranteed!
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amother
Aubergine
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:13 pm
sorry that you guys are surrounded by jews who don't live in fear of and respect of G'd's words...jews who don't see/feel the 'advantage' and beauty in living the pure life.
There will always be some of those.
I am thankfully surrounded by men and women who live their lives according to the torah all the way. I live in LAKEWOOD. I come from BROOKLYN. there is no nation like the jewish nation who try every day anew to make sure they did what the torah commands.
Not even gonna go into detail but....The charity and willingness to stop nowhere to give a lending hand for a brother in need...that makes hard times easier for us....
My irreligious workmate is always so in awe of us- despite trying to find fault w/ us... she has said countless times 'u guys - even when you are in hot water- you will never be left alone- someone will always be there to offer help and dish u out'.
And or course another small point- all good behavior stems from the torah. The torah was the first 'direction book' on how to live ethically. All good stems from G-d and the torah He used to create His world. if a non jew does good it also stems from the fact that there is a torah 
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amother
Puce
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:26 pm
| amother wrote: |
And or course another small point- all good behavior stems from the torah. The torah was the first 'direction book' on how to live ethically. All good stems from G-d and the torah He used to create His world. if a non jew does good it also stems from the fact that there is a torah |
Actually the Code of Hammurabi was written before the Torah was given. Following your logic, does all good Jewish people do stem from the fact that there is a Code of Hammurabi?
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amother
Aubergine
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:33 pm
what's the 'Code of Hammurabi'
Don't think I ever heard that one.
I only know 'Histakel b'Oraisa u'Vara Alma'
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imasoftov
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:35 pm
| Aubergine amother wrote: | | what's the 'Code of Hammurabi' |
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.....urabi
ETA - this post is only in answer to the question I quoted.
Last edited by imasoftov on Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:37 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Aubergine
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:36 pm
thnx
quoting the wiki pg link 'The sixth Babylonian king, Hammurabi, enacted the code, and partial copies exist on a seven and a half foot stone stele and various clay tablets.'
the 6th bab. king came after the torah. he came after the first day of creation...the torah came b4 creation.
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amother
Puce
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:41 pm
| amother wrote: | thnx
quoting the wiki pg link 'The sixth Babylonian king, Hammurabi, enacted the code, and partial copies exist on a seven and a half foot stone stele and various clay tablets.'
the 6th bab. king came after the torah. he came after the first day of creation...the torah came b4 creation. |
It was however, a "direction book" that was given to people before the Torah, in answer to your original post.
You don't need to respond, we'll just go around in circles.
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amother
Aubergine
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 12:51 pm
G-d came first and created all of us and the brains that helped us make all these hamurabi stuff too....anything done by humans....no matter how far back..only will hold its grain if its based off torah.
this code isn't changing things 
even a jew who has lied to gvt officials - or any other ugly thing ppl do in this confusing world- you have no idea what his good deeds are- not sure how u feel u can pass judgement.
we all have to try to do our best but does following the torah make one a better person?
of course it does.
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amother
Magenta
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Tue, Jan 03 2017, 4:48 pm
| amother wrote: | sorry that you guys are surrounded by jews who don't live in fear of and respect of G'd's words...jews who don't see/feel the 'advantage' and beauty in living the pure life.
There will always be some of those.
I am thankfully surrounded by men and women who live their lives according to the torah all the way. I live in LAKEWOOD. I come from BROOKLYN. there is no nation like the jewish nation who try every day anew to make sure they did what the torah commands.
Not even gonna go into detail but....The charity and willingness to stop nowhere to give a lending hand for a brother in need...that makes hard times easier for us....
My irreligious workmate is always so in awe of us- despite trying to find fault w/ us... she has said countless times 'u guys - even when you are in hot water- you will never be left alone- someone will always be there to offer help and dish u out'.
And or course another small point- all good behavior stems from the torah. The torah was the first 'direction book' on how to live ethically. All good stems from G-d and the torah He used to create His world. if a non jew does good it also stems from the fact that there is a torah |
What are you on, Sister?
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