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Did you or your parents buy a grave?

 
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amother




Puce


Post  Wed, Jan 04 2017, 11:34 pm
Unfortunately lately I heard many people that lost their parent and their parent did not buy a grave. The costs were astronomical. A friend of mine had to pay to bury her mother. Who is supposed to pick up the cost? Is it our parents responsibility to take care of it? Did you buy a grave for yourself or join a society?
My husband said he can see his siblings all coming to him expecting him to foot the bill. How does one handle this so that your parents have this taken care of and kids don't have to argue about it.
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amother




Ivory


Post  Wed, Jan 04 2017, 11:40 pm
I would imagine many people, at least by a certain age, do make some arrangements for themselves or have at least some minimal savings to cover such costs, or a small life insurance policy just to pay for burial and associated expenses.
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essie14









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 8:37 am
My parents bought graves for themselves in the US. My in laws are making aliyah and will receive their graves as citizens, although I'm pretty sure they are going to buy themselves plots in a private cemetery.
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cm









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 8:46 am
Most families I know buy graves through the synagogue, either in advance or at the time of need. If the family wants to be buried together, it makes sense to buy a group of plots and work out the financials when the family is not under stress.

If the parents did not make their own arrangements, one would think that the adult children would split the costs, but I can see how this might be a source of conflict at a sensitive time.
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shacn









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 9:29 am
My parents already have their graves in har hamenuchot in israel right next to each other . They bought it years ago.
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SixOfWands









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 9:52 am
amother wrote:
Unfortunately lately I heard many people that lost their parent and their parent did not buy a grave. The costs were astronomical. A friend of mine had to pay to bury her mother. Who is supposed to pick up the cost? Is it our parents responsibility to take care of it? Did you buy a grave for yourself or join a society?
My husband said he can see his siblings all coming to him expecting him to foot the bill. How does one handle this so that your parents have this taken care of and kids don't have to argue about it.


Some people do pre-plan their funerals. Its generally less expensive, because the funeral parlor is holding your money for an unknown period of time, and because you can shop around.

But a lot of people don't want to do it, and don't want to think about it. In that case, the plots are purchased when the first of the couple (if married) passes away. We also did a double stone for my parents, as is common where we live, so that's there when the second one passes.

Sometimes, people have small life insurance policies that are colloquially known as "burial policies" to pay funeral expenses. Otherwise, the money is paid out of the estate before any other monies are distributed. (But you'll have to pay up front, unless you have access to the accounts). And if there's no money in the estate, the surviving family pays. Its the last thing -- quite literally -- you can do for your parents.
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Rosemarie









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 10:07 am
I think I once heard that it is a segula for arichas yamim to buy a burial plot.
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Chayalle









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 11:15 am
Rosemarie wrote:
I think I once heard that it is a segula for arichas yamim to buy a burial plot.


I have heard the same. In fact, years ago when my grandparents were buying plots in Israel, my parents decided to buy plots, too, right next to each other and them. When my mother A"H passed away 1 1/2 years ago, the plot was ready. I heard from people that plots in that cemetery (Bnai Brak) are now many thousands of dollars.....I'm glad my mother A"H is in a respectable place that they bought at an affordable price. It's a wise thing to do for those who can.....
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amother




Coffee


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 12:22 pm
My father passed away over 20 years ago. For some reason, my mother bought a single plot. A few years ago she decided to buy a plot for herself and it was almost triple the price to get a plot in the same cemetery, though it isn't near my fathers.
It is a good idea to buy 2 plots when one spouse passes away. I can't see how burial plots will get any cheaper.
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madys









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 12:27 pm
Not only does my father have a plot that he bought many years ago, (when he was first married) he recently prepaid the burial costs as well.

(My mother passed away in 1980 and the plot was there for her)

ETA, my husband and I also have plots
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SixOfWands









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 12:35 pm
amother wrote:
My father passed away over 20 years ago. For some reason, my mother bought a single plot. A few years ago she decided to buy a plot for herself and it was almost triple the price to get a plot in the same cemetery, though it isn't near my fathers.
It is a good idea to buy 2 plots when one spouse passes away. I can't see how burial plots will get any cheaper.


Although sometimes, the surviving spouse may expect to relocate and by buried in the new locale. Or to remarry. My aunt died in her mid-20s. She's buried with her parents, not her husband (who did, in fact, remarry).
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amother




Ecru


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 12:37 pm
My parents had bought two plots together for them selfs years ago through the shul.
When my mother passed away my fagher didnt end up using the plot. He bought one for her in har hamenuchos near her parents. But not for himself....
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Chayalle









  


Post  Thu, Jan 05 2017, 1:41 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
Although sometimes, the surviving spouse may expect to relocate and by buried in the new locale. Or to remarry. My aunt died in her mid-20s. She's buried with her parents, not her husband (who did, in fact, remarry).


They can sell the plot, if it's in a desirable location. When my MIL A"H was ill, she was able to get a plot near her parents (her father had previously passed away, and her mother was still living then but the plot was reserved) on Har Hamenuchos, because it became available from someone who decided to re-sell it.
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