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How do I decide between 2 grandfathers?



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amother
Khaki


 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 10:54 am
So I'm bh expecting a boy and thinking about a name. My mothers both parents are bh alive and well, almost 90. I have a choice between grandmas father or grandpas father. Both were big ppl with really good middos. But. The relatives that are named after them are not all to my liking. For example, one uncle is a shlimazal. One nephew is a hard kid. How do I decide? Do I look on the grandfather who bore that name? Or on his descendants named after him.
Because when I named one of my other boys Chaim, father in law said look at all Chaim's. They all have sharp minds and are good natured.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 11:43 am
amother wrote:
So I'm bh expecting a boy and thinking about a name. My mothers both parents are bh alive and well, almost 90. I have a choice between grandmas father or grandpas father. Both were big ppl with really good middos. But. The relatives that are named after them are not all to my liking. For example, one uncle is a shlimazal. One nephew is a hard kid. How do I decide? Do I look on the grandfather who bore that name? Or on his descendants named after him.
Because when I named one of my other boys Chaim, father in law said look at all Chaim's. They all have sharp minds and are good natured.

All Chaims?? Really?
If a person has a name you don't like and it makes you feel ill will towards the name, I personally would not use it. I know many many married couples who had to take certain names off the table because one spouse just couldn't handle that name.
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AlwaysThinking




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 11:46 am
Wait, are you wanting to name after your great grandfathers? it wasn't clear to me from your post. If that's what you're saying, I don't know if your family would even expect you to, it might be easier just to choose a different name that you like and has a special meaning to you.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 11:52 am
Does your husband have anyone on his side that you can name for?

Also, I think you're thinking too deeply into this. Just because your father in law said, "look at all the chaims" doesn't mean there's truth to what he said. And even if there is truth, and all the chaims in he family are sharp, so what???!
Everyone has chisronos and maalos. As long as the person you are naming after was a good person, go ahead, use the name! You're not naming the child after relatives who have the name, you're naming after the deceased person.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 11:54 am
I've heard people say all sorts of things about a name. Could be just a play on genetics.

My very good friend's brother is my neighbor. Both she and her brother have sons named after her father, and they both look alike and seem to take after him in personality. It's amazing, really.

My DD is named after my MIL A"H. There are 3 granddaughters named after her so far, and they all have strong personalities B"AH.

I would definitely not base this kind of thing on ONE nephew being challenging, or ONE uncle being sloppy. If you would tell me that 5 grandchildren named after that person all have a certain inherent issue, maybe one could fear bad mazel with that name (if you are into that kind of thing), but doesn't sound like there's any sort of chazakah here.

How to chose? Does one appeal to you more than the other? I would go with that. Especially as both your grandparents are B"H still living (if it were a case of only one, I would say honor the living by naming after his/her parent....R' Shmuel Kaminetzky told my sister to name her son after my father's father, because my paternal grandmother is still living - ad meah v'esrim - and it would give her comfort.)
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 11:58 am
There aren't too many chaims. Don't worry. Maybe 2 or 3. And I liked all of them.
At the end I will have to give one name or the othe. Question is do I look only at the grandfather and hope my son grows up to be like him, or must I consider everyone with that name??
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 12:01 pm
allthingsblue wrote:


Everyone has chisronos and maalos. As long as the person you are naming after was a good person, go ahead, use the name! You're not naming the child after relatives who have the name, you're naming after the deceased person.

Thanks for this post!
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Moonlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 05 2017, 12:08 pm
Only at the grandfather. He will be named after the deceased, not the other difficult relatives.
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MyUsername




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 06 2017, 6:56 am
Moonlight wrote:
Only at the grandfather. He will be named after the deceased, not the other difficult relatives.


I second this
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cbg




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 06 2017, 7:01 am
I think the idea of all so and so are so and so, apply to positive character traits.
For example, I always say all David's are special, what child isn't special.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Fri, Jan 06 2017, 8:16 am
MyUsername wrote:
I second this

Can you elaborate?
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MyUsername




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 06 2017, 8:21 am
amother wrote:
Can you elaborate?


Sure. What's the reason we name after a relative? To honor that relative, bring an aliyah for his neshama, to pass along his name and traits, to remember him, to get a zechut from his life/qualities, etc. All the reasons we name after a deceased relative are centered around bringing something from the deceased relative to the child (or vice versa). None of them have to do with any other relatives or people with the name or even those who are named after him. It is just between the deceased relative and the new child, and that's why I don't think it matters at all what the other "chaim"s in the family are like, because they are not being named after. You are not naming after a name, you are naming after a person.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Fri, Jan 06 2017, 8:35 am
I get it. Thanks for explaining.
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booboo24




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 06 2017, 10:59 am
Had the same issue few months ago. One was my mothers father and one was my fathers father. Could not decide. When he was born it kind of just fell into place. We looked at him and said " you are so and so" can't explain the feeling it just felt like a connection.
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