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So, did you get a thank you from your son's rebbi?
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Another mom









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 5:06 pm
amother wrote:
I don't think teachers are obligated to thank me for a thank you! When does it end? Do I then have to say thank you for thanking me for thanking you? A tip is sent as a token of appreciation for all that the teachers do for my children. When a teacher does say thank you it is very nice but totally not necessary in my opinion.

yup- in all my 8 elem. school years ,I don't remember getting a note or letter once. True I was a kid , but dmom would have told me!
No Chanuka presents in Israel -yay!
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groisamomma









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 5:34 pm
watergirl wrote:
PLEASE start thanking for the chocolate that you cant eat.


I only get non-kosher gifts from my students and I'm pretty sure I never skipped the thank you. I send an email, write a quick card (I keep the 20-pk in my desk drawer), or make a phone call if I have time.

For the record, my girls' teachers always send home photocopied thank you cards. It usually says Dear Mrs. _____ and they fill in your last name. I have no complaints. This was the first year I got an extra thank you card in the mail from a teacher who thanked me for collecting the money.

I have never (!) received a response to money we sent to DS's rebbeim over the years. Not once, and some years we are very, very tight.
Don't get me started on how today's rebbeim feel the $$ is coming to them, and they factor in Chanuka and Purim $ when they take the job, etc. Still no excuse not to acknowledge a gift.
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amother




Linen


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 5:35 pm
I strongly disagree that a thank you doesn't need to be acknowledged...... Call the note a your welcome if you please however the proper etiquette is to acknowledge a thank you !! At least that's the way I was raised
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amother




Linen


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 5:38 pm
amother wrote:
I strongly disagree that a thank you doesn't need to be acknowledged...... Call the note a you're welcome if you please however the proper etiquette is to acknowledge a thank you !! At least that's the way I was raised


Sorry was trying to fix a typo and hit quote vs edit .....not sure how to undo
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amother




Brunette


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 5:43 pm
I got one thank you phone call and one handwritten thank you card from another Rebbi...he has 3) boys in the class kh! BTW my son has been in this yeshiva for 11 kh and this is the first time getting a thank you card!
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ange









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 5:48 pm
My son is in mesivta and has several rebbeim. We gave to all of them individually (not because we have extra money but because my husband is also a rebbe and we appreciate all the efforts including behind the scenes work you may not even realize happens).
One of these rebbeim (not his main one for shiur) was so shocked when my husband handed him the envelope with cash and tried deflecting it. He was not expecting it since he is not a shiur rebbe, and certainly did not have any iota of feeling like this was coming to him.

As an aside, we received many thank you notes and phone calls over the years for these sort of gifts. But I do not think less of them if I did not...you'd be surprised how little personal time many rebbeim have. My husband goes straight from a.m. teaching to kollel to tutoring and first arrives home and sits down at his computer to get ready for the next day's lesson after 9/10 pm most nights. I can cut a rebbe some slack of he didn't send a thank you note.
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LittleDucky









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 8:22 pm
amother wrote:
Wow, you are pretty intolerant of differences in people, aren't you? I hope none of your kids have any special needs. Shocked I also hope you don't teach.

Honestly it would never occur to me to photocopy a thank you note. Like I said, no teacher has ever given me a thank you note for a teacher gift. It's just not done here.

BTW even though we really have no money we spend more then we can afford on teacher's gifts since we think they deserve it. Despite clearly being horribly rude people who should not exist in Watergirl's conception of the universe they do an amazing job teaching my kids for very little pay.


But what about the parents who "just don't get it together" to send in the check to begin with? Would you cut them the same slack?
We need understanding of both sides of the equation but also everyone doing their utmost to fulfill basic etiquette. Thank the teachers and send thank yous!
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benny









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 8:24 pm
I was actually super impressed. 2 of my sons rebbeim called to thank us for the gift!
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Fabulous









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 8:37 pm
Yes, I got a phone call
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Coffee Addict









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 8:40 pm
2 of my sons rebbas wrote a personal thank you. One sent home a printed thank you. I appreciate very much that they showed appreciation!!
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esmom









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 8:44 pm
My sons english lady teacher called to say thank u. I was blown away. Rebbe wrote generic card in weekly newsletter. Other son is in a special ed school and every last therapist texted a one liner to say thank u. Thought it was really nice
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amother




Salmon


Post  Wed, Jan 11 2017, 9:03 am
So now do the parents need to write a thank you letter for the thank you note for the thank you gift?
and when does "common courtesy" stop?

To me, a gift to a Rebbe/teacher is my way of saying thank-you, in the same way the a heartfelt note is. There have been many years when, under financial strain, we could not afford to send gifts to all the teachers (at the year's end, obligatory chanuka gift is not a "thing" in our oot school) so I instead wrote a poem or heartfelt note. To me, that expressed my hakaras hatov just as much (or more) than a check would. But its ludicrous to expect a thank you note from the teacher for my thank you note, right? So why is this any different?
If you didn't feel swelling hakaras hatov for the teacher and only gave because it's a "thing" and you have to, I see why you feel like the teacher "owes" you a thank you. But to be annoyed because you didn't get a thank you card... maybe don't give a gift next time, because you obviously gave it not wholeheartedly.
( now is it wonderful middos if a teacher does write a thank you note? Of course, and it means he also had the time - which for many is in short supply. But the inverse is not equally true)
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Volunteer









  


Post  Wed, Jan 11 2017, 10:22 am
When I occasionally received a gift from a parent (usually at the end of the school year), I wrote thank you notes or gave a phone call thank you. The first year, I wrote a few notes, and the secretary told me that it was against school policy to send correspondence to parents directly. I gave her the notes, and asked her to send them for me. I hope she did.
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amother




Linen


Post  Wed, Jan 11 2017, 10:37 am
amother wrote:
So now do the parents need to write a thank you letter for the thank you note for the thank you gift?
and when does "common courtesy" stop?

To me, a gift to a Rebbe/teacher is my way of saying thank-you, in the same way the a heartfelt note is. There have been many years when, under financial strain, we could not afford to send gifts to all the teachers (at the year's end, obligatory chanuka gift is not a "thing" in our oot school) so I instead wrote a poem or heartfelt note. To me, that expressed my hakaras hatov just as much (or more) than a check would. But its ludicrous to expect a thank you note from the teacher for my thank you note, right? So why is this any different?
If you didn't feel swelling hakaras hatov for the teacher and only gave because it's a "thing" and you have to, I see why you feel like the teacher "owes" you a thank you. But to be annoyed because you didn't get a thank you card... maybe don't give a gift next time, because you obviously gave it not wholeheartedly.
( now is it wonderful middos if a teacher does write a thank you note? Of course, and it means he also had the time - which for many is in short supply. But the inverse is not equally true)


When I say thank you I don't fret if the person responds " you're welcome " ..... I just move on as I don't have any expectations when it comes to these things .....however is it proper manners and etiquette to acknowledge a thank you ? Yes it is ...... That's the bottom line .... If someone gives me a gift as a thank you I say " you are welcome anytime .... You are very wrong to think that means I don't give whole Heartedly and that people don't need to acknowledge a thank you... It is not proper manners ..... I have received genric photo copies notes all the time and it is not hard at all and totally acceptable and proper etiquette
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Another mom









  


Post  Wed, Jan 11 2017, 11:24 am
Just out of curiosity- how much do u give?
And if he has a few teachers? (Departmental) We used to give things like ties (in the 70s)
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Ruchel









  


Post  Thu, Jan 12 2017, 6:51 am
This is endless. He needs to give you a card, and then you'll give a thank you poem for the thank you? I so much prefer just paying schooling!
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amother




Green


Post  Thu, Jan 12 2017, 7:19 am
Not from your Honey amd not from your sting.
I can imagine what type of parent you are. Probably not the easiest one. You have a todays days attitude, I pay tuition why do I need to tip them? Are you in lala land? Do you know I work like a dog and I am owed November and December? Your $25 is towards my breakfast. Im not going on cruises.
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allthingsblue









  


Post  Thu, Jan 12 2017, 8:26 am
amother wrote:
Not from your Honey amd not from your sting.
I can imagine what type of parent you are. Probably not the easiest one. You have a todays days attitude, I pay tuition why do I need to tip them? Are you in lala land? Do you know I work like a dog and I am owed November and December? Your $25 is towards my breakfast. Im not going on cruises.


You sound very bitter. I hope you aren't my child's teacher.
If it's so difficult, choose a different profession.
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GetReal









  


Post  Thu, Jan 12 2017, 9:56 am
This is an enlightening thread to me. I never thought to write thank you notes for presents from parents, as a teacher. I would verbally say thank you to the kid or to the parent if I saw them. Now as a parent I put effort and money into gifts and I never expected thank yous. This Chanukah I gave 15 teachers and got two handwritten thank you cards and one email. So maybe now that I see the other side, I'll try to write notes if parents give me gifts in the future. As a parent though I still don't feel that they are necessary. Thank you for the thank you feels a little much. But thanks for everyone on this thread for showing me the other perspective.

Last edited by GetReal on Thu, Jan 12 2017, 8:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Coffee Addict









  


Post  Thu, Jan 12 2017, 9:56 am
amother wrote:
Not from your Honey amd not from your sting.
I can imagine what type of parent you are. Probably not the easiest one. You have a todays days attitude, I pay tuition why do I need to tip them? Are you in lala land? Do you know I work like a dog and I am owed November and December? Your $25 is towards my breakfast. Im not going on cruises.


With this attitude I can't imagine why you're teaching??!!!
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