Anyone else ever lost it with thier child

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 6:03 pm

Hi I feel so terrible. My 3.5 year old came home from school and did not stop needing stuff and kvetching and crying. I needed to cook dinner give my other 2 year old some attention too and had just got home from work after a long day. I gave her attention played with her and went to make dinner. She started crying for something she 'needed' that minute. I lost it completely. I scrame and yelled like I have never before. Didn't actually say anything terrible but it was scary to see myself raging and klenching my teeth. I feel horrible now and felt terrible after and crying whole day for what a bad mother I am even tho I try my best. I feel terrible. Has this ever happened to anyone? Is it terrible that I got like this? What does it mean I don't usually have such a temper.

yOungM0mmy

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 7:54 pm

Yes. 2 kids, age 2 and 3, emptied 3 boxes of cereal, including a sticky one, ALL over the kitchen and tracked it through the carpeted living room, stuck to the beanbags, their jeans, etc while I was 7 months pregnant and preparing their bath. Absolutely lost it, shouted like a madwoman, and made them sit there till dh came home cuz I was not having them spread it more, and had absolutely no energy to clean it or them. They didn't mind and sat and ate cereal off the floor....
I guess it's a consolation to know you're not the only one, and stuff happens, as long as iy doesnt happen regularly, which you say it doesn't. Sit and read her an extra book at bedtime, give her a cuddle, apologise for screaming and tell her you love her.

pizza4

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 9:22 pm

All the answers you got already. And then actively decide what steps you will take the next time you feel that way, before yelling. It may be taking deep breaths, counting to 10, making yourself a hot drink, etc. It's even better to ignore the crying/nagging.
When I get home from work, after giving the kids a snack and drink and maybe some activity, they know (I explained to my 4 and 3 year old) that when I sit down with my coffee, its just me and my coffee and they entertain themselves for those 10 minutes.
And about cooking supper... I do the same but I really want to get organized enough so that supper is ready without having to start chopping and cooking, like preparing the day before.
You'll be okay! You can do this.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 5:56 am

tryinghard wrote:

Most mothers have "lost it" at one point or another. Give your kid some extra hugs and kisses, tell her you are sorry for screaming. And stop beating yourself up. You are human.

THIS.

I have yet to meet a parent who hasn't completely lost it at least once. If not with a toddler, than with a rebellious teen.

The one time I really went off on DD, it scared me so bad I was shaking for days afterward. I couldn't stop crying and apologizing. She's over it, but I'm still traumatized that I have that potential in me.

I use that fear to keep me strong. I NEVER want to be in that place again, so I make a concerted effort to breathe slowly, keep my voice low and steady, and let her words just wash over me. She can be a raging ocean, but I need to be a rock of security for her.

What you are feeling right now, is your greatest tool to make sure that it doesn't happen again. This is the core of teshuvah. Feeling bad, apologizing, and vowing never to do it again.

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 9:34 am

We are all human. And we all will occasionally fail our own expectations. When you make it up to your child by apologizing and giving her extra attention, you are teaching her an important lesson: Take responsibility for your mistakes and appease the other person. It's an important life skill.

You sound like a great mother, OP.

ectomorph

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 9:50 am

amother wrote:

Lol. If someone said they never lost it I would not believe them.

I have 2 little ones. I find that eating and sleeping are triggers for me. If I'm hungry and exhausted I get frustrated more easily.

I put my kids in their cribs and get myself something to eat and lay down on the couch. Then in a few minutes I'm able to be loving and patient again.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 10:04 am

ectomorph wrote:

This
If someone said they haven't lost it I would not be able to believe them.
Kids, especially toddlers can be extremely nerve-grating.
I usually just try to walk away. Or put them "away" ie in their room with a book toy or screen time. Just to breathe.