S/O inadequate guardianship - leaving small kids alone

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 3:48 am

My SIL (who is expecting her third) leaves her 1.5 year old and 3 year old alone while she sleeps in, between 5.30 am and 7.30 am. DH often tells me stories of what they got up to e.g. 3 year old emptied the poop from his diaper onto the tablecloth and was rolling it out with a rolling pin, the 3 year old was banging the 1.5 year old's head against the wall repetitively, playing with water, putting things down the toilet. These things are all shared like funny stories, but to me it sounds like neglect.

Is this normal? I'm guessing there's nothing for me to do anyway.

smilealot

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 4:32 am

Omg. And she thinks it's normal and tells ppl as a joke??
That's so crazy!

LittleDucky

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 11:16 am

IMO once you know that your kids cannot play quietly and safely it is a whole different ball game than a mom who just falls asleep from exhaustion and it was the first time they got into something.
After the first incident where kids are banging each other's heads or flinging poop around- she cannot sleep in anymore. She has to expect her day starts at 5:30 or whenever they wake up. Go to bed earlier if you must.

tigerwife

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 11:21 am

These incidents are awful and not even funny- I would be mortified to share if it happened to me G-d forbid. If you want to sleep in, then please secure your children in a childproof room. And perhaps keep the children in separate rooms if one is hurting the other! A three year old CAN can serious damage to a 1.5 year old! Has this woman never heard of tragedy... I can't even.

mha3484

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 11:56 am

My six year old can play nicely in the living room. My two year old no way. Once hes up so am I or DH. That is why coffee exists and nap time.

heidi

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 11:57 am

I had a very early riser. When my 1.5 year old got up at 5am I popped in a video, put him in my bed and went back to sleep. With one arm over him in case he got any ideas of leaving. It worked for us. If children are harming themselves or others it is neglect bordering on abuse to leave them alone.

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 12:32 pm

A three-year-old cannot be responsible for a toddler. It is extremely unsafe.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 12:46 pm

Unsafe.
Also if they are doing it there bathroom should at least be locked and a toilet locked.
The house doesn't even sound childproof
I only let my kids play "unsupervised" in a totally childproof house (I'm in next room with door open and I'm a really light sleeper)

Last edited by amother on Mon, Feb 12 2018, 12:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

ectomorph

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 12:55 pm

I would tell her that she needs to stop doing this. If she doesn't listen, maybe even threaten to call CPS.
Tell her this is neglect.

ectomorph

Mon, Jan 16 2017, 12:56 pm

I always keep the bathroom door locked and the kids separated if I know I might fall asleep.

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jan 17 2017, 3:01 am

So what do I do??? I'm in Israel - I don't feel comfortable mentioning this to her as I don't want to cause a fight, but I worry for her kids. She's the oblivious sort - like she always thinks good of everyone - I really don't think she'd realize the danger.

She lives in a tiny 1 1/2 bedroom apartment with her 3 year old in a big bed, and no door on his room so he has free roam of the house. I think the kitchen has a baby gate but he can climb over it. I'm assuming knives etc. are kept out of reach otherwise we would have heard worse stories...

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Jan 17 2017, 3:09 am

Can you discuss this with your DH and have him talk to the husband?

Do you have a decent relationship with her parents? Can you bring it up with them?

Do you know who she uses as a pediatrician? Can you call and give the doctor a brief overview and ask him/her to give your SIL a crash course in child safety?

Is it possible that your SIL has PPD and can't cope? Maybe you can help her find resources.

mom2dkay

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 10:33 pm

I would tell her the story of a 14 month old who drowned in the toilet.....
And where's the father in this story?