LW MO school in Brooklyn?

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Dec 22 2016, 10:59 am

OP.

This isn't working at all. He finally says more than two words to me.
He tells me I have to go to Kiruv classes.
According to him, I don't understand anything. I "technically" can't have an opinion because I never went to yeshiva. He says I "suck the life out of him", that he's not going to ask me what's wrong anymore because he can't solve my problems and "at the end of the day" our child will go to a "good, normal yeshiva" and "it doesn't matter what we do at home" and "it's not about your happiness."

He also said he has the same feeling about our marriage as he's had about jobs not working out.

I think I have a long road ahead of me. Sad

amother

Green

Thu, Dec 22 2016, 11:01 am

amother wrote:

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, OP. It doesn't sound like your husband respects you as a person, and that's a horrible feeling. ;( Wishing you a lot of strength for whatever happens...

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Dec 26 2016, 7:57 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

OP, just checking in to see how you are doing

Thanks so much for checking in.
My husband is now acting more normal. He has so many ups and downs.
He is supposed to be seeing our marriage counselor by himself next week, she suggested an individual session with him after I told her about his latest outburst. This is the first time in a year she'll be meeting with either of us individually. I have no idea if it will help. When he gets in that stubborn mindset he is like a different person entirely.

As for me, I am continuing to see my individual therapist and hoping to secure a work from home job soon so I can still stay home with my baby. I have been talking out loud to Hashem here and there to help me figure out my life and find more peace. I am worried that my husband's mood problems and extreme views won't improve. He has spoken about meeting with a psychiatrist to get back on some medication he once took. At any rate, I am trying to take care of myself. I hope this job works out so I can start bringing in some money, feeling more independent and empowered. My husband's mood swings and random outbursts of trying to "lay down the law" are driving me crazy.

b from nj

Mon, Dec 26 2016, 8:09 pm

OP I feel so badly for all you are dealing with.

It really does seem as though your DH suffers from some kind of mental illness and hopefully going back on medication will help with his mood swings especially if he has bipolar or has some other mood disorder.

I'm assuming from your posts that your DH grew up in a very Yeshivish or Chassidish home and then rebelled from that lifestyle and then met & married you but now that he is "settled" with a wife and a baby, he feels that he must return to the way he grew up which was really the "right way" to raise a family.

I'm so sorry for all you are going through and I do hope that with proper counseling and medication for your DH, your marriage will improve and that you will be able to somehow get through to him & explain the hypocrisy in what he is trying to push you do in terms of education for your baby.

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Jan 17 2017, 4:50 pm

OP here.

Things are not going well.
The school topic hasn't come up directly since but I know he hasn't changed his mind.
He seems to be ramping up with the religious stuff. He's reading a lot more religious books during his free time and listening to religious speeches. I went for a job interview today and when I came home he was listening to something online by a very charismatic rabbi in his community. Whenever he puts on music or videos for our baby, they are always religious Jewish things. Like never just normal Sesame Street or whatever.

We had a conversation on the weekend about tznius and he says he expects and prefers our DD to dress "modestly" and went on about how women need to cover up, I don't understand male hormones because I'm a woman (again with the "you don't understand"), and compared it to "running through the forest at night with a piece of meat". He was also bashing religious women who dress tznius but wear tight clothing to "show off". He said that it's for our daughter's protection. Of course when I said that women get cvs raped they aren't protected by a long skirt, he just went off on some other tangent.

I need to protect my daughter from this crazy. I really do not see this working out and have some hard decisions. I am trying to get a job to feel more empowered and independent. I feel guilty but at the same time I am terrified of the future with him, of bringing more children into the mix (I got BC this week, hopefully it won't be another fight with him..). He hasn't seen a psychiatrist yet and obviously isn't on any medication. We are struggling financially. He doesn't even shower regularly and we haven't paid the rent on time in months and months. I met with our marriage therapist alone and she told me I need to decide if I want to stay in this marriage.

I have many conflicting emotions Sad

What do you think?

amother

Green

Tue, Jan 17 2017, 4:55 pm

I'm so sorry.

This sounds so dreadful and frightening to be living through.

It sounds like your husband is using religion to feed his mental agitation.

My father was like this, and he was very abusive to his children, all in the name of religion.

Would your husband agree to see a psychiatrist and get a proper evaluation? I think that is crucial to understand the full picture, the possible ramifications, treatment options, and for you to see whether or not you could live with it.