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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
S/o gifts you received from parents, in laws and siblings
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2017, 12:07 pm
amother wrote:
same. I know I'll be bashed but it's very disappointing when you're friends get thousand dollar furniture sets or carriages from their in laws and you get a stretchie.


If they did get you a gift according to what their financial situation allows for, and they are otherwise warm and kind people, then no reason for disappointment.

Not bashing. Just sharing my perspective as someone who did not receive expensive gifts from my parents or in-laws.


Last edited by gold21 on Tue, Jan 24 2017, 12:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2017, 12:08 pm
My mother bought the car seat, my grandmother bought the crib (she called it my birthday present) and my father helped pay for the bris. None of those people are frum so it was just being nice no expectations.

It happens to be that I have all boys born in the same season so I really after the first did not need a whole lot. When my now two year old was born, I wanted a new stroller, I used some money given by my grandparents combined with selling some items that were collecting dust.

I am the only one in the family with kids. In my grandmothers circles some of her friends are lucky to be grandparents instead of great grandparents so she does enjoy buying clothes and toys throughout the year.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2017, 3:35 pm
gold21 wrote:
If they did get you a gift according to what their financial situation allows for, and they are otherwise warm and kind people, then no reason for disappointment.

Not bashing. Just sharing my perspective as someone who did not receive expensive gifts from my parents or in-laws.


I agree. We got more from my in- laws then from my parents. My in- laws gave a large sum of cash, while my parents gave a stretchie, toy, and a few other odds and ends. But I understand that my parents financial situation did not allow them to give more.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2017, 3:48 pm
amother wrote:
same. I know I'll be bashed but it's very disappointing when you're friends get thousand dollar furniture sets or carriages from their in laws and you get a stretchie.


It depends on the individual. I never even realized that my parents didn't buy me anything until this thread. I never even compared that to the fact they bought my siblings loads of stuff until this post. Who cares?

It is a terrible way to live your life wondering what others got, keeping a chesbon, and then getting disappointed. If my children did this, I would feel I raised aliens.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2017, 4:28 pm
Speaking as a person who was well gifted by parents and ILS (so what would I know) , it's always best to look at one's life as a whole.

Everything we receive comes from Hashem. Via people, usually, but from Him.

So -, did you get what you need? (that includes - did you have the $ to buy it yourself? Received it as a gift? Won it in a raffle etc etc etc). Be grateful to Hashem, thank people where necessary, don't worry about those who did not contribute.

If you did not/do not have what you need, I guess this is great opportunity to daven for it.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 9:38 am
Squishy wrote:
It depends on the individual. I never even realized that my parents didn't buy me anything until this thread. I never even compared that to the fact they bought my siblings loads of stuff until this post. Who cares?

It is a terrible way to live your life wondering what others got, keeping a chesbon, and then getting disappointed. If my children did this, I would feel I raised aliens.


are you a malach? you sound like one. I'm impressed and I'd love to learn how you really don't care. especially one child yes and one child not.
when you were 10 and your mom bought a birthday gift or whatever for your sister and not for you, did you also not care?

and of course we want our children to only look what they have and what they got and never what another person has but we all know that is not human nature. never was never will be. aliens?? really??

I'm not saying we should just accept that we are jealous and stay that way, it can be changed with a lot of hard work but it's totally natural, imo.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 10:19 am
amother wrote:
are you a malach? you sound like one. I'm impressed and I'd love to learn how you really don't care. especially one child yes and one child not.
when you were 10 and your mom bought a birthday gift or whatever for your sister and not for you, did you also not care?

and of course we want our children to only look what they have and what they got and never what another person has but we all know that is not human nature. never was never will be. aliens?? really??

I'm not saying we should just accept that we are jealous and stay that way, it can be changed with a lot of hard work but it's totally natural, imo.


I grew up poor. We learned we don't have and to not want. There were no expectations. Because of my position on the family as a younger female, I didn't get anything. Everything went to the oldest girl and the boys.

I think I was in high school when I realized the disparity. I joked with my parents about it. By that point, I had long learned how to work and pay for what I needed including lunch money and all my clothes. There were no hand me downs at all by the time I reached high school. I dressed very well.

I try not to give my kids everything because the lifelong lessons of hard work not envying others is important. I tell my kids it is better to save the money because security is important. My kids are more materialistic than me, but then DH likes nice things.

One success I have is that they have never ever said to me that their sibling has and why don't they. Early on they learned children have different needs. If I see something that suits one child, I can pick it up without worrying about jealousy.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 10:51 am
When I had my first baby (a girl) 18 years ago I don't think it was the thing to get expensive strollers. Everyone I knew had gracos.

We lived overseas from both sets of parents. Both my mother and mil came to help for a few days and gave me some baby clothes as a gift. My sister in law who lived nearby also got us some clothing, and so did some other siblings. I don't recall anyone buying us a crib or a stroller. Someone lent us a pack and play and we used that. We bought a graco stroller and carseat for about $150 - its possible that one of our parents gave us money for that but I honestly don't remember.

To add - we literally did not have money for anything. I remember being happy it was summer so my baby could just wear an undershirt since I didn't have money for clothing. We didn't make our daughter a kiddush since we had no money.

My parents and in laws are good people and have been very generous with other things more recently in our lives but I don't think they realized quite how badly off we were or that it was a "thing" to help out your kids with substantial gifts at that point. It doesn't really bother me and didn't bother me at the time. Especially since my parents and in laws do give us stuff and help out financially, just at different times.

With my second and later children we were better off financially and living somewhere else in a smaller, close knit community where we got a ton of baby gifts, including some very nice ones. What with changing clothing for bigger sizes I never needed to buy anything until the baby was at least a year old!
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 11:12 am
Baby 1:

My parents- paid for Bris, shalom Zachor, vacht nacht, bought a full layette from childrens place including clothing , blankets, hat and snowsuit. My mom also took us to baby's r us to by all the rest if odds and ends like baby bath and towels and bottles and cloth diapers.

In laws- paid for pidyon haben, bought another full layette including snowsuit, but she bought really expensive stuff in local stores. So I ended with two full layette a

Grandma 1- crib including full bumper set, and part of armoire

Grandma 2- bugaboo and second carriage plus car seat

Grandma 3-$1500

Grandma 4- $600

I don't remember if siblings got anything.

Second baby:

Parents- $1000
Also bought some Stretchies and other odds and ends

In laws- full fancy layette

Grandma 1- double stroller

Grandma 2-$1000

Grandma 3-$1000

Grandma 4- $500

Don't remember if siblings got anything

Baby 3-

Parents- $1000
Beautiful baby blanket
1 stretchie
Package of undershirts
1 fancy undershirt
In laws- full stunning layette
Bought a ton for the shalom Zachor
Snap n go

Grandma 1- car seat
Grandma 2- $250
Grandma 3- $500
Grandma 4- $500

Sibling 1- 2 fancy Stretchies and hats
Sibling 2- bundle me
Sibling 3- nothing
Sil- diaper bag
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ilovehashem2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 2:10 pm
you lucky fish!! I was a rly happy kala and didnt care abt the presents I received from mil. but now I cant stand anything she bought me and get angry when I wear them so I just stopped wearing them (except for my rings, cos I knew dh wdnt be happy if I didnt wear them) but she made mistakes with e/thing she bought me...pearls- I didnt like and were all odd sizes. bracelet- made out of metal cheap garbage. and then a few $3 random necklaces...that kind of stuff......
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 2:53 pm
Oh dear, this thread is a bit tough for me to read. It would be really nice to get so many beautiful things!

Ok, here's what I got:

When my first was born my parents bought us a snap and go and some streachies and undershirts from carters. They also dug out my old crib from thier garage and gifted it to us, and got us crib sheet from target. My youngest still sleeps in it. I love furniture with history!

With my second, third and fourth, they got us a really nice bris outfit for each baby (I have 4 boys!).

They also gave us loads of love. A new toy for each big brother, and countless hours of reading, playing and shmoozing with the big brothers while mommy (me) rested, homecooked meals (honey, what can I tempt you with for dinner tonight? anything special you think you and hubby might enjoy?), frequent hugs, kisses, and comments like: "you are such a wonderful mom and dad, your boys are so lucky to have you, look at this beautiful family!, we're so proud of you two."

I've always wanted a bassinette stoller, and I've always wished I could get some of those really cute baby streachies that snap up in the over the tush, I always thought they were sooooo cute. Now that I'm thinking about it though, I guess I'm actually pritty darn lucky! I have everything I need.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 2:55 pm
DVOM wrote:
Oh dear, this thread is a bit tough for me to read. It would be really nice to get so many beautiful things!

Ok, here's what I got:

When my first was born my parents bought us a snap and go and some streachies and undershirts from carters. They also dug out my old crib from thier garage and gifted it to us, and got us crib sheet from target. My youngest still sleeps in it. I love furniture with history!

With my second, third and fourth, they got us a really nice bris outfit for each baby (I have 4 boys!).

They also gave us loads of love. A new toy for each big brother, and countless hours of reading, playing and shmoozing with the big brothers while mommy (me) rested, homecooked meals (honey, what can I tempt you with for dinner tonight? anything special you think you and hubby might enjoy?), frequent hugs, kisses, and comments like: "you are such a wonderful mom and dad, your boys are so lucky to have you, look at this beautiful family!, we're so proud of you two."

I've always wanted a bassinette stoller, and I've always wished I could get some of those really cute baby streachies that snap up in the over the tush, I always thought they were sooooo cute. Now that I'm thinking about it though, I guess I'm actually pritty darn lucky! I have everything I need.



incredible. I'd give up all the fancy gifts in the world for such loving supportive parents. you are truly blessed.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 3:03 pm
DVOM wrote:
Oh dear, this thread is a bit tough for me to read. It would be really nice to get so many beautiful things!

Ok, here's what I got:

When my first was born my parents bought us a snap and go and some streachies and undershirts from carters. They also dug out my old crib from thier garage and gifted it to us, and got us crib sheet from target. My youngest still sleeps in it. I love furniture with history!

With my second, third and fourth, they got us a really nice bris outfit for each baby (I have 4 boys!).

They also gave us loads of love. A new toy for each big brother, and countless hours of reading, playing and shmoozing with the big brothers while mommy (me) rested, homecooked meals (honey, what can I tempt you with for dinner tonight? anything special you think you and hubby might enjoy?), frequent hugs, kisses, and comments like: "you are such a wonderful mom and dad, your boys are so lucky to have you, look at this beautiful family!, we're so proud of you two."

I've always wanted a bassinette stoller, and I've always wished I could get some of those really cute baby streachies that snap up in the over the tush, I always thought they were sooooo cute. Now that I'm thinking about it though, I guess I'm actually pritty darn lucky! I have everything I need.


You are lucky!
I have some of things you say you wished for. I have a trendy stroller (not a bugaboo but not a Graco), expensive baby furniture and some people gifted some nice designer clothing for the baby. I'm very grateful to my parents and in laws.
But I don't have a relationship with my mother Sad she is very difficult and dh especially does not get along with her and would not appreciate her offer to cook for us or come help out (she offered but a visit from her would likely be full of criticism etc).
I'm able to handle it a little better than dh because after all she is my mother, but I really don't have a good relationship with her at all. And a comment like "you are such a wonderful mom and dad?" I get teary just reading that. My mom would NEVER say such a thing to me!!!!!
I thought the pretty diaper bag, beautiful furniture and cute baby clothing would make me happy, but I discovered that happiness comes from within. And it's easier to get happiness when you are surrounded with loving, healthy, stress-free relationships than when you're surrounded by cold, tense, stressful relationships albeit nice things.
(And for people who have the best of both worlds, well, you're really luck!!!)
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 5:19 pm
All things blue, we don't get to choose our parents. I do count myself very lucky. I'm sorry for your troubles with your folks.

Enjoy your beautiful things, and I hope you get to give your own children the best of both worlds.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2017, 9:58 pm
My in laws buy things for my kids all the time, starting from their welcome home outfits when they're born to toys and play pens and pajamas and a laundry hamper whenever they see we're missing something. The generosity is beyond belief.
My parents give a gift of a baby nurse for a week, and clothes for the new baby!
My siblings got us really useful things like onesies and swaddles and books and toys.
Every single gift is so appreciated. It's a really amazing feeling when you have a million things to do with a new baby and someone comes to your door with something thoughtful or sweet. We kept being reminded that our family is loved and as hard as a new baby can be, people were excited for us. I know gifts are superficial but they mean a lot.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2017, 12:07 am
amother wrote:
Ditto.
My parents bought us crib, dresser, stroller, car seat.
In laws, nothing, they thought it was enough that they came in and had me or DH serve them on hand and foot, even after birth, by c section.

I'm ok with no presents, even though they can afford it, but at least help out, make a meal, something.


By the second they didn't come in.

The 3rd, first boy, same scenario as first.

By forth, same as second.


URGGH!!! after a c section???? I would have said something to them! When my MIL came after my c section, I made it crystal clear I can barely do anything and we NEED help. My FIL didn't come that time, but he did come a different time and did sit at the table, ask what is for lunch and waited for me to prepare food for him! About a week after a regular birth! I got a lot of schar for not walking away and ignoring him!!!
Anyway, I can't stand that ppl have no idea what a c section is!!! they cut through EVERY layer - lots of muscle. It is excruciating!
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2017, 12:11 am
amother wrote:
Satisfy my curiosity: what purpose does a thread such as this one serve, other than making those who received few or no gifts feel bad about themselves and resentful of their parents or inlaws?


Yup, like me. I got financial help with one bris and some dusty old baby equipment. No help with the other births, save for some diapers etc. But it's OK, there is no rule that they have to buy you $1000 strollers etc. Their job is to be loving bubbies and zeidys etc...
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2017, 12:41 am
I grew up poor and learned never to expect anything. My parents and in laws gave a few clothing items for my first. My dad bought a crib mobile for her, too. I don't even think I got anything for my second... Maybe a couple of onesies?

For my third, who came 10 years later and with a new husband, I got newborn clothing from my mom again. My inlaws live abroad and visited us when the baby was 6 months old. They took us to toys r us and bought they baby $80 worth of toys and food, and spent $200 on toys for the other 4 kids/step kids.

I'm super happy and thankful for anything our parents have given us.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2017, 9:19 am
allthingsblue wrote:
You are lucky!
I have some of things you say you wished for. I have a trendy stroller (not a bugaboo but not a Graco), expensive baby furniture and some people gifted some nice designer clothing for the baby. I'm very grateful to my parents and in laws.
But I don't have a relationship with my mother Sad she is very difficult and dh especially does not get along with her and would not appreciate her offer to cook for us or come help out (she offered but a visit from her would likely be full of criticism etc).
I'm able to handle it a little better than dh because after all she is my mother, but I really don't have a good relationship with her at all. And a comment like "you are such a wonderful mom and dad?" I get teary just reading that. My mom would NEVER say such a thing to me!!!!!
I thought the pretty diaper bag, beautiful furniture and cute baby clothing would make me happy, but I discovered that happiness comes from within. And it's easier to get happiness when you are surrounded with loving, healthy, stress-free relationships than when you're surrounded by cold, tense, stressful relationships albeit nice things.
(And for people who have the best of both worlds, well, you're really luck!!!)


are you me? I could have written this word for word.
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