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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

One on one time

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saboni

Sun, Jan 29 2017, 5:07 am

I want to start spending routine one-on-one time with my children (ages 10 and 8 specifically). I'm finding it tricky to figure out the best way because life is so busy and also, they are always together. I try to lie down with them at night and talk to them for a while, but I'm feeling like they need more time so I can make them feel more heard, give them more attention and get a sense of what's really going on in their heads.

What's the best way to work this into a schedule so it's easy to keep going? Thanks so much for your ideas.

imasinger

Sun, Jan 29 2017, 6:00 am

Hmmm. Brainstorming.

Can you arrange, maybe, to do something with one while the other takes a bath?

If every day is too difficult, can you do something with one while the other does something after school?

Can DH spend time with one kid, while you spend time with the other?

If all else fails, can you use the techniques while playing with both kids, rather than not do it at all?

Teomima

Sun, Jan 29 2017, 6:26 am

This isn't really routine time, but if you can send one out to play at a friend's every week, you can spend quality alone time with the other. I have twins so this struggle is familiar to me. I take one kid out on a "date" whether the other goes to a birthday party (though most of the time they go together) but I also find if one needs special attention, as long as I make myself available, she'll find a few moments to come snuggle and chat.

Alternatively, sign up each one individually for an extracurricular activity, and spend quality time with the other during that time.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Jan 29 2017, 6:28 am

You can do 'one one one' with another kid in the room. I spend time with each of my (three) kids before bedtime (youngest first), 5-10 minutes each. They save up all their stories for that time of day, its very sweet. Even though were not alone in the room because the two oldest share, everyone knows they have uninterrupted Mommy time before going to sleep. Nobody is allowed to disturb besides for emergency and each waits their turn. We talk about their day and I remind them how much I love them, share with them something that reminded me of them, plans for the next day, talk about any behaviors that needs to be addressed, praise, etc etc etc.

saboni

Sun, Jan 29 2017, 3:42 pm

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I guess our situation is a little more complicated bc my kids go to an online school (home all day) and they don't have local friends for play dates (we try to do Shabbat get togethers every so often). I also have several younger kids too, so spending one on one time when one of the older ones is taking a bath doesn't feel so practical.

I'd love to figure out a way I could alternate taking out the 8/10 year old on their own. Just not sure when would be a convenient and sustainable time and way to do that.

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