Can I hit my kid | Imamother

solo

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 7:49 pm

He's 2 yrs old. A glutton for attention. I give him as much as I can throuour the day. He comes into my room at night looking for more. I walk him to his bed each time.
The problem is bed time. I have 4 children to settle all at once. My 5&4 yr olds r quite good and most nights after reading chatting shema and being tucked in they stay quietly in bed. My baby fusses most nights cuz she's ready for her hr nursing marathon before being tucked in for the night.
My 2 yr old has discovered another opportunity for attention. He gets outta bed opens closets makes noise messes... keeps all 3 other children awake. at first I told him to leave the room cuz he's disturbing. So he made a mess n racket in the bathroom or downstairs where I sent him.
After a few days he was actually smiling n delighted as I sent him downstairs so I tried ignoring him. But the noise went in longer than an hr.
I'm out of ideas. I feel like a patch will put an end to this. But don't wanna do it. What should I do?

amother

Bisque

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 7:57 pm

#1:. No, do not hit a two year old!!! He is a baby. He is behaving like a normal two year old. Hitting him under these circumstances is abusive.
#2:. Stagger bedtimes. It is unreasonable to put four children to bed at once and expect that they will all be quiet and let each other sleep. You can either put them to bed at different times, or put them to bed in different locations and move them once they are asleep if you need to. Separating my children was the only way I could get little ones to sleep at the right time.

#3:. You can offer incentives for good bedtime behavior if he is capable of understanding the concept.

Do not hit him!!!

BabsB

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 8:26 pm

We do use swats in our house, even a two year old. However, we use them for severe infractions or safety issues, not at bedtime.

It sounds like he just needs some more attention. As the others said, try to stagger bedtimes, but also try to spend an extra 5-10 minutes with this one. Snuggling, reading, just talking, that little bit could curb a lot of this behavior.
Then if he still gets up, pick him up and place him back in bed, saying nothing. Rinse and repeat as many times as necessary. That way you insured positive attention pre-bed, and no attention for negative behavior post-bed. He'll get it pretty quick.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 8:49 pm

Um. Please no. a 2 year old with a curious and active mind should not be hit. Also once you start... you wont stop. It can get to a point where every time u r frustrated u will hit. And that is so damaging for a kid. Please love him and engage him not hit him!

amother

Mustard

Wed, Feb 01 2017, 2:13 pm

Hitting isn't going to help. I know you think it will solve the problem, but it's just giving him attention. I know it's negative attention, but it's still attention, and if he is that starved for attention, he will continue to misbehave to get your to react to him, even if it means he might get hit at the end. Plus, interrupting what you are doing to hit him will be disruptive to you and your other kids, and the kid's reaction to being hit will certainly be just as disruptive or more so than whatever he was doing.

Aside from the practical aspects above, hitting a small child is wrong. Whether it will work or not work is irrelevant to the fact that hitting a small child is wrong. Just because a discipline method works, that doesn't make it right or ok. I was 'patched' as a child (just a swat on the behind when I misbehaved here and there), and I really affected me negatively, even today. I never felt I could have a close relationship with people who would use physical force on me, however mild it was. Do you really want your child to be truly afraid of you? Furthermore, how can you tell your child not to hit their siblings/friends/you if you hit them? How can you expect your child to take you seriously and listen to what you say if you don't even do what you say? Hitting accomplishes nothing more than instilling shame and fear in your child. What you really want is to teach your child how to behave properly, and hitting will show your child how to become better.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 01 2017, 2:45 pm

Do you have a Pack n'Play? If he's climbing out of his crib, then put him to sleep in the Pn'P. He won't be able to climb out of that. Put him in another room if he insists on keeping his siblings awake. Give him a pillow and a blanket, and ONE favorite toy. If he throws everything out, replace them ONCE. Tell him you will not put them back again if he throws them again. Stand firm and do not give in.

Let him cry it out, he's old enough to understand. I do not do CIO with babies, but a toddler who understands bedtime is a whole different story. You can put on some soft music for him if you feel guilty, but the point is that he cannot have the run of the house while you are nursing your baby. It's not safe for him to be running all over the place at night.

Expect a couple of rough weeks, but I'll bet he gets with the program once he realizes that you mean business.

Where is DH during all of these antics?

mom2six

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 8:34 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Huh? All my kids climbed out of the Pack n Play at age 2.

wondergirl

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 10:40 am

Op, don't hit your child, it wont solve anything. Try to figure out why he is behaving this way and make appropriate changes. If he is napping too much during the day, then cut his napping time so that he will go to sleep at night. If he is not stimulated enough during the day, then try to get him to do energetic activities that will make him tired enough to go to sleep at bedtime. If he is scared to be in bed bc its dark or something then get a nightlight for him. Get him a teddy bear that will be his "sleeping buddy" so that he has "company" at night so that he wont feel so lonely. If he is jealous of the new baby then try to get him to be involved as the big brother helper and protector or something. These are just some ideas, I am sure that if you evaluate his patterns you will be able to figure out what is wrong and come up with a creative way to fix it so that he stops acting up at bedtime without you hitting him. Good luck!

amother

Peach

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 10:44 am

I just listened to Dina Friedman's bedtime routine this week. For his age, its just taking him back to his bed by his hand every time he comes out until he stays/falls asleep. or let him fall asleep out of his room but give him zero attention when he comes out.
You can also try bribing him with positive attention to stay in bed - if you are still in bed in 3 minutes I'm going to come back and give you another kiss. Increase by 1 minute intervals until he is asleep.
good luck

ora_43

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 11:14 am

If you hit him, it would probably just become part of the "game." Just like being sent out is part of the game to him.

Maybe it's hard for him to relax and fall asleep?

To be honest with my kid like this nothing really "worked" in the sense of completely stopping the issue, because it's a whole personality type. A rambunctious, wide-awake child who loves to break the rules will never act exactly like a calm, tired child.

But I did find it can help to 1. put the other kids to bed first, as previous posters mentioned (because when Rambunctious Child goes to bed that will take 100% attention for a while... ) 2. stay in the room with the kid for a little while - this forces them to stay still long enough that they start to feel sleepy (with some kids it can be like their mind doesn't register that their body is tired until they're forced to stay still).