For those who work full time

amother

Oak

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 5:57 pm

I have full time help at home. It's the only way I manage. I'm out of the houses 8:30 to 6. If you don't have someone at home you're stressed every time the kids are off or a kid isn't sick. This way I know I have someone reliable at home.
Honestly the only reason I'm able to do it is because I grew into it. I was working full time before I had kids and slowly learned to juggle with each new baby. I think it will be much harder coming into it from having been home all this time.

debsey

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 8:17 pm

1) Full - time cleaning help.
2) your freezer is your best friend. Cook in bulk, and freeze. Make menu on Sunday and only shop once. (Husband is the actual shopper in our family but I make the lists)
3) hire whatever you can. Including a homework helper girl for your kids, if you have a few close in age, so that you can serve supper to some while she does HW with others.
4) Find a time slot in the day for the gym and another timeslot for self-care. CB lunch hour. CB before work in morning, or after kids are in bed.
5) When I used to commute, I would work through lunch, eat at my desk, leave half hour earlier, and go to a gym on the way home from work. Take a 45 minute class, take a shower, change into "mommy" clothes, and come home energized, happy, and with enough distance from the stresses of the day that I was able to just focus on home. Only works if suppers are already prepared, and there's a HW girl there ready to help me with the rest of the night.
6) Now I work from home, but I work more than full-time. I still maintain, hire whatever help you can!

amother

Coffee

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 9:13 pm

I do feel run down like a schmata as I don't have money to hire help otherwise of course I would want to make it easier for myself.

I loved reading all the posts explaining how they manage. It is amazing that everyone is doing so much. I don't know how they manage if they don't have help.

After doing this for so many years now, I am starting to feel like I can't do it anymore. I agree that the expectations should be lowered for a working women, but I feel like everyone in my circles still expects it. Personally, I do manage but I only manage by doing everything in advance and not waiting until the last minute. I also do what most of the mothers posted like simple suppers, simple shabbos food etc.

amother

Natural

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 10:22 pm

I totally relate. I am the no-help mother. It drives me crazy when I hear, "the only way to do it is if you have help." I WISH! But I know myself and my budget and know the money is just not there. So I try to sneak the cleaning in throughout my normal routine and pray for lots of energy. If it gets really bad, I know it's time to sit down and brainstorm with DH; plan how he can be more involved and pick up the slack. He usually has ideas I don't think of and a different perspective, which is refreshing. He DOES NOT want me to be a shmatta either and is happy to contribute. It's hard, but you are not alone!

amother

Red

Sun, Feb 05 2017, 10:30 pm

amother wrote:

I never said I was a shmatta, but that was how I would feel, like a worn out rag, after having done things all day long.

Or, you do all those thing and feel tired tired an accomplished. That's how I feel as a working mom. You get to control your narrative.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Feb 06 2017, 1:15 pm

I didnt read all the comments but this is how I coped when I was working full time. And I was a rag at the end of the day. I cut my hours to 9-3 now but I still feel like a rag. It is hard work no denying.

- Choose one day a week to do washing. I did it on Motze SHabbs/Sunday when I was home. I did all the washing and folded throughout the week in the evenings.
- Get cleaning help - but it can be done without, just super super hard.
- Go easy. Nothing will happen if the dishes are left for two nights. Nothing will happen if your bathroom gets a lysol wipe down once a week. Nothing wil happen if you serve cereal or pasta for supper.
- Pre cook. Stock your freezer and defrost every morning. All you have to make is sides when you get home and that is easy.
- have prepared foods available for snacks etc for yourself and kids such as sliced fruit and veg, muffins etc.
You can pm me for more support/ questiosn.

amother

Sienna

Mon, Feb 06 2017, 1:40 pm

I work full time, in Israel (I'm off Friday not Sunday). And an hour commute each way.
No hired help here at all.

These are my tips for making it work. This is what works for me, you can change it around to make it work for you.

-Thursday night I cook for shabbos plus all main dishes for the week. If I can I'll make double, for example meatballs for two meals, and the next week I won't make meatballs. I make soups in large batches and freeze per meal. A big freezer is a must for this.
- friday I clean the house while the kids are in school. The house is only surface-cleaned the rest of the week- clearing tables, counters,dishes, sweeping.
- get rid of clutter. there's much less to clean. the kids know- projects come home, I admire them , then they can go into their personal "drawer of stuff" or into the garbage.
- I switched to disposables recently and it made a very big difference, but for years I used regular dishes and managed.
-simple meals. main dish out of the freezer, cut up some vegetables. I cook the side dish the night before while cleaning up. when the kids are home (I do pickup on the way home from work) I concentrate on them completely until bedtime
-a helpful husband. He doesn't have specific "jobs" but he's around and I can ask him to help. We usually fold laundry toegther as our bonding time Smile

shopping could be more streamlined, but I do grocery shopping one afternoon with the kids. I don't like my system now, but for now that's what works.

zaq

Mon, Feb 06 2017, 2:37 pm

amother wrote:

I never said I was a shmatta, but that was how I would feel, like a worn out rag, after having done things all day long.

I understood that and so did most of the responders here. A worn out shmatta describes the feeling perfectly. Limp and exhausted. Nothing to do with the inherent quality of said cloth, which may be of the highest.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Feb 06 2017, 6:50 pm

BH, we have come up with a great system that works for us. But, yes, working full time + kids is exhausting.

1. Shopping once a week. If we don't have it, wait a week.
2. Suppers are pre-made on Sunday. Two suppers for the week and everyone can choose each night. One is made in crockpot and one stove/oven. I also clean the house on Sunday.
--Everything on Sunday is done as a family. We all shop together, cook and clean together.
3. Shabbos is made Thur/Fri morning. (I get up early.)
4. Schedule so the kids are on task. We get up, wash our hands/go to the bathroom. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Play time. Coat time. After work -take off coats to play. Eat supper. If you finish supper and get in PJs you get to stay up 5 min later. Bedtime.
5. Laundry is done right away when the basket is full. It goes on in the morning before work. After work is the dryer and then fold after kids bedtime.
6. I go to bed early and wake up 45 min before the kids so that way I have my time and I am in a good mood.

Biggest thing is that we all work together to do this. And, learn to lower your expectations.

amother

Lime

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 3:23 am

amother wrote:

OP here. some ideas here are great. Others, as I said earlier, Im in Israel, so no sundays as an off day, werent going to work.