I NEED TO VENT!!!!!

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I NEED TO VENT!!!!!

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amother

Wheat

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 5:31 pm

This is a vent - there is no answer that I can imagine as I need to work and presently I am stuck in my current situation.

I work as a medical secretary in a doctor's office. me and one other girl (woman I guess) (not jewish).

it's a small office and that's all the staff there is. I work 3 days a week; she is full time.
as it is, it's hard for me but I have become resigned to the situation. she is the go to girl. I am only the 'extra' one there. as I only work 3 days a week, I guess that's why. she has a super gorgeous body, works out almost daily. she dresses very provocatively especially in the summer and she is proud of her body, as she should be. she is 7 years younger than me.
I AM jealous of her body, but I will never have it and have gotten used to her being looked at and me kind of being ignored all day long. it's hard. but what can u do???? I need to work.

she is OBSESSED about her health. this is what I needed to vent about today. she is 44 and is perimenopausal. she has a small heater on all day long, so I don't get how she says she is having hot flashes. she is obsessed that she has something going on with her ovaries and gets her dr to order u/s about 2x per month as she is not satisfied with them saying she's fine. she just had a complete blood work done and her hormonal levels were fine. but she said her dr said they wouldn't show any abnormality cz she is peri meno. I incidentally went into early menopause at the age of 42 from the mirena iud. I suddenly started experiencing hot flashes and night sweats 2 months after it was inserted. blood work showed I was in the post menopausal range! my body was in a state of hormonal shock! I had so much stress in my life at the time - my son was diagnosed with autism - and I didn't know what to think. dr think it was related but not sure myself.

but now, with her, she started taking hormone replacements 2 days after she starts feeling a little symptom. shes on the internet all day long googling her symptoms. I can't take it!

there is only so much patience I have for her - she makes SUCH a big deal about every little thing! I was understanding at first and nice - but not anymore.

The only thing she suffers from is anxiety, not any of these self diagnosed diseases she thinks she has. She is gorgeous! and look at me! im a 51 year old, old frumpy frum lady!

I wish there was someone else in the office I could commiserate with, but it's only her and me.

as I said, there is no answer to my vent - but thanks for listening.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 5:43 pm

She sounds awful.

But Hashem made her path cross yours for some reason.

She's there to teach you something.

Can you work out what it is? Irritations that have a purpose somehow become less irritating.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 5:54 pm

I'm sorry op but I'm really not understanding what's so awful about her.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 6:08 pm

She doesn't sound awful, she sounds sad.

People who are happy with themselves don't talk about themselves all day. People who are grateful for their health don't freak out about normal aging. People who are confident don't live in fear of losing their youth. She sounds terrified of falling apart, and thinks she has nothing to offer the world except her young looks. Once that's gone, what will she have left?

Now, you sound sad too, OP. Why do you compare yourself with her so harshly? Hashem made people in all different shapes and sizes for a reason. Different men find different types of women attractive. How is your relationship with DH? Have you worked on learning to love the body you've been given?

Does this other woman have a happy marriage? How do you know if it's truly happy or not? Maybe she's on her third divorce, and afraid of dying alone.

There is nothing zexier in the world, than a woman with a genuine smile, who accepts who she is and loves herself. There is nothing more unattractive than a fake woman who is insecure and neurotic. Now which would you rather be?

Signed,

51, slightly frumpy, and frum. Welcome to the club! Very Happy

(OK, not gonna lie. I would love some Botox, but in the meantime, I'm not going let it keep me from enjoying my life.)

amother

Wheat

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 7:21 pm

SHES not that awful - but the whole situation has become pretty awful. sometimes she can be very nice. she does have a good supportive husband by the way. first and only marriage.

I;m not so deep and connected to Hashem to think along those lines of - there 's gotta be a reason I was put in this situation - I am actually quite disconnected of late.

My own personal life is hard there's no quesiton about that. we have huge parnassah issues, and as mentioned a SN child. me and dh? up and down. I am feeling pretty down lately. I have no reserves to help a co worker feel better about herself when I think she looks absolutely perfect.

as I said, there are no answers for me. just have to go on.

as always. cz I have no choice.

I know I am one sad lady.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 7:29 pm

Well, in that case....

Hug

Although, I might add, if you feel disconnected from Hashem, maybe He is trying to wake you up by putting this person in you your life? Could that possibly be? To maybe remind you how fantastic you are because unlike this sad other person who is shallow and overly concerned with the pettiness of this world, YOU are connected to eternity?

DVOM

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 8:17 pm

OP, I laughed when you described yourself as an old frumpy frum lady- I'm a frumpy frum lady too, though a slightly younger one (low 30's). To me, frumpy is a state of mind. I'm clueless when it comes to fashion. I like soft, comfortable clothing. I have a soft, comfortable stomach, evidence of my four little kids. I enjoy long, complicated books with little or no plot. I like to build big, complicated things out of lego. I love to color, paint, draw. I scrapbook. I've recently taken up knitting. It doesn't get more frumpy than that!

I also have a son with high functioning autism. His diagnosis has made me give up on any hope I ever had of being cool or with it, and has made me even more solidly frumpy.

I'm generally pretty happy with my frumpy self, but there are some people and circumstances that tend to make me compare myself with others... and comparisons inevitably make me feel less happy and content. When my very put together neighbor comes out to play with her very put together kids, I notice things about myself that I didn't pay attention to before, like the fact that my boys aren't wearing matching sox and that one of my sons spent the morning using his legs as a canvas for his markers, and that my baby is wearing nothing but a (soggyish) diaper and that I have glitter in my hair. Her kids are snacking on steamed broccoli and kale chips. Mine are making 'dirt' out of crushed chocolate sandwich cookies and... "Look mommy! we found some REAL WORMS to add to the dirt! This is so cool! This is the yummiest snack ever!"

Your co-worker sounds really difficult to work with. You have way too much personal information about her medical challenges. That oversharing would really get under my skin. More than that though, you're measuring yourself up against her perfect body and exercise regimen; that for me would be a recipe for disaster. It sounds like you have a lot of difficult things going on in your life right now, and that's probably making it hard to see your own good points compared to her toned perfection. No doubt you have many wonderful qualities though OP. Maybe you need to spend some time reminding yourself of all the things that make you special.

Another thought that's coming to mind is how desperate your co-worker seems to be for a listening ear. Perhaps despite her stable marriage she really needs a friend like you. Maybe she might even be a good friend back, if you'd share with her some of your challenges and struggles. My really put together neighbor has become a really great friend, even though we could not have less in common. If I'd spent all my time feeling inferior to her, I would never have gotten her recipe for kale chips!

Fox

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 9:00 pm

The only people who don't have problems are people we don't know very well.

This woman is obviously carrying around a lot of damage. People with hypochondriac tendencies often suffered as children: they weren't loved, or love and attention were only given when they were ill. Perhaps her marriage isn't as great as it seems from the outside or perhaps she would have liked children and was unable to have them for real physical reasons or because she couldn't psychologically handle the implications of pregnancy and childbirth.

I heard an interesting thought recently: when you feel sorry for someone, you can't feel hatred, and your anger is reduced.

Of course, she's pushing your buttons because she has precisely some of the things that you would like at this point in life: an attractive body; plenty of free time; maybe more disposable income. But if she were really doing so great, she wouldn't be obsessing over her health.

So when she starts in on her latest health crisis, try to remember that this is apparently all she has in life -- all that makes her feel vital, loved, and valued. She is working five days a week instead of three because no one needs her those extra two days. Your presence, even though you're less glamorous, is desperately missed if you're not available.

amother

Wheat

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 7:49 pm

Part II. But whose counting? I'm the op of this thread.....

So last night I get a whole long email from my co worker. Somehow she got herself booked for a colonoscopy this morning first thing.
So of course she's not working today. Which was a crazy madhouse of a day that I had to single handedly manage on my own. Extremely stressful day. Answering phones, booking surgery, registering patients etc.

I knew she would be fine. And I was right. She texted me at 4 pm and said all
Was ok. Doctor found nothing.

I am so super annoyed at her. I refuse to ask too many questions. She is not sure she can make it in tomorrow.

It's so hard cz she really manages things in the office and every one asks for her. And I don't feel right talking to my bosses cz I feel it crosses the line and feel disloyal.
How does she manage to arrange over the weekend for a colonoscopy? like it's life or death!!!

greenfire

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 8:15 pm

well she sounds hypochondriacal

don't think colonoscopies are any FUN - I've heard they keep you in need of a toilet for 24 hours

maybe you need some good chocolate or an ice cream fix

HonesttoGod

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 10:02 am

Headphones.
Get a good set of headphones, keep the phone where you can see it flash if it rings and get working with headphones on.

dancingqueen

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 10:17 am

Just being honest yeah talking about her health problems is a little tmi but why does it bring out such a strong reaction in you?

amother

Wheat

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 10:41 am

Headphone???
Can't wear them at work

There is nothing wrong with her! When someone else has something wrong with them she always brushes it off and says it's nothing. And they're over reacting
I know I react very strongly. I don't know why.

I was left with all her stuff to do yesterday along with my work too.

zaq

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 11:02 am

DVOM wrote:

Mine are making 'dirt' out of crushed chocolate sandwich cookies and... "Look mommy! we found some REAL WORMS to add to the dirt! This is so cool! This is the yummiest snack ever!"

I love this woman.

DVOM

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 3:02 pm

Awwww, thanks Zaq!! ***blushing!!***

amother

Mustard

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 3:11 pm

Reminds me when I worked in a different job. I was early twenties expecting my second/ third. Had a fiftyish workmate who was premenopausal but also having lots of different gyno issues. Yes, also out forever with appointments, procedure, surgeries, recovery, "mental health day" etc. It came to a point, where she would be speaking to her Dr and she would need my help remembering different medical terms.

amother

Silver

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 7:57 pm

I have a coworker like this too. I. Can't think of a day when she didn't claim she was suffering terribly or dying of some perceived illness. Pure hypochondriac who spends her day talking and talking and talking of all her ails. I have told her she needs to be on medication for anxiety (which she agreed with but I doubt she'll follow up on). It is exhausting and annoying to hear her talk all day so I completely understand you. I told her today that I want to have one day with no complaints from her. We all have colds, sore throats etc just like her but no one else is complaining. I truly just do my best to try to tune her out.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Feb 08 2017, 9:14 pm

Thank u amother above!
I feel understood!
I did tune her out today although she was very quiet.
I wish there were more in the office other than her and me. It would make life so much More fun!
I used to work with a bunch of people
And it was really much more interesting
U know, some variety
Oh well. What can I do?? What

amother

Mustard

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 11:21 pm

amother wrote:

I can almost say u took my old job! Just kidding, but ya, to be the only one working with a yapper, oh my tell me about it.. good luck!

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