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My kids are so different than me
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Fri, Feb 10 2017, 10:36 am
http://www.aslobcomesclean.com.....-out/

That's my mentality. Vet these and read them to your kids Wink
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 10 2017, 10:43 am
amother wrote:
Zaq - my not having housekeeping is probably a combination of both. I'm pretty frugal and we try to live within our means. I also hate having someone in the house, and the few times I've had someone I end up cleaning for the cleaning lady, and feel guilty when someone is cleaning in my house and feel the need to do the same along her. But there IS room (ok, like a closet) in the budget for cleaning help... I just need to overcome my parsimonious nature and do it.

With regard to natural consequences, or taking away toys... I have done it. I DO follow my word, and I can say proudly that many thousands of tiny legos have sat in my room for a week after some boys neglected to clean them up.
But my problem is less about cleaning up their toys and more about their natural shedding of items and objects that are essential to their person. When there is a mess of toys on the floor in their room, I will sometimes turn on the timer, provide an incentive and time frame, and they can and willingly clean up the identified toy/game. The bigger problem is that they just don't seem to "see" that shoes, socks, pjs, paper, backpacks, pencils, rubber bands, etc constitute a mess as well. They will look at me blankly when I ask that everything that does not belong on the living room floor be picked up. When I point out their shoes, they will be like, "huh? why shouldn't shoes be on the floor?" (and they're right, on pair that they are currently using can be, but this is a situation where there its today's shoes, shabbos shoes from 2 days ago, a few slippers and then assorted socks - and I end up being the one to pick and and smell each one to determine whether they were clean ones or dirty. Ew!). They come home from school and literally undress throughout the house. When I point this out (nicely, "sweetie, do sweatshirts belong on the floor?") they are like, "huh? Oh, whoops." And dd (12) bless her soul, apologizes for this all the time as soon as I point it out, though she doesn't necessarily jump to fix her mess. But that makes me madder! Stop apologizing and just don't dump your entire day's worth of detritus on my kitchen floor!
How do I open their eyes? They really seem to have a cognitive inability to SEE mess.


This is exactly my kids!!!!!

They clean up the toys and then see it's clean. But really there are dirty socks, and crumpled up papers , and empty snack bags on the floor. They just don't see them!
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 10 2017, 10:47 am
Let me tell you something- kids are kids. They don't come with a natural responsibility to clean up after themselves. Most kids need to be taught. Again and again. And again. It took my son like 7 years to finally master that clothes go IN the hamper and not on the floor in his room or near the hamper. I remind my daughter every day after school that shoes belong on the shoe rack and not in the middle of the kitchen floor. I used to find the drawer and cabinet open and the plate, cereal, and milk on the table when my son ate a bowl of cereal. He finally mastered cleaning up after himself. Many kids need reminders. After a while they will remember.
A good tip is also to have them clean up and help you organiZe so they know what goes into it. For example, I organized all the games last week. I waited until my kids came home from school to do it. They helped me take down all the games and tape them etc. it made them aware to be more gentle when playing and to clean it up after.
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 10 2017, 11:33 am
OP, you can't make your kids "see" the mess any more than you can make yourself "not see" the mess. Especially if they really have ADD. The most important thing for kids with ADD is routine. They won't see the mess until it's huge and then it will be too overwhelming to clean. You're doing them a big favor now by enforcing routines for them to put stuff away. Otherwise they'll turn into overwhelmed adults who are stuck in huge messes with no clue how to get out of them.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Sat, Feb 11 2017, 12:45 pm
So I'm the disorganized ADHD one, and my husband is the one who can't function with the mess.

1) As for your kids. If you are cleaning up after your kids, you are actually teaching them they don't have to clean up, because someone will do it for them. I know that it's hard for you to let the mess stand, even for an hour or two, but how can your kids possibly learn to clean up if they never have the opportunity?

You need to teach them how to be clean and organized, and that would be through sitting down and talking to them about it, brainstorming with them, and then enforcing the rules. I have seen fantastic methods for rewards and consequences for cleaning up / keeping things clean in the first place in the book "1-2-3 Magic". We use this book for discipline in general, but it has a whole section on getting kids to do what they are supposed to in a calm and effective way, and also discusses cleaning and other chores in particular, and how to enforce them. I highly recommend it. Read it, and then sit down and explain the system to yoru kids and discuss it with them, and follow through.

Just a note, if any of you kids actually have ADD/ADHD, they actually lack the skills needed to be organized. Not just that they are bad at it, ignore it, or are not attuned. They mentally lack the skills to organize things. Kids with ADD need to be taught these skills, probably be a professional (I don't know who that professional might be, but no one ever taught me, and that's why my house constantly looks like a tornado went through it).

2) Cleaning ladies are not helpful for mess. They are helpful for scrubbing your toilet. But you have to clean up for the cleaning lady, so this won't help. What helps for us is to get a teenage girl to come once or twice a week and help tidy up. Seriously. She does light housework - folding laundry, dishes (washing and putting away), sweeping, putting things away (toys and books that go in obvious places). The stress of having to clean up for the cleaning lady was so stressful for our family that it was making things worse.

You can also try and hire a professional organizer who will work with you to find systems and methods to keep everyone organized (this is next on my list, now that I got a raise).
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chavs




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 11 2017, 1:06 pm
I honestly don't think that you can with any reliability judge who took after you or who took after your dh in terms of being neat when they are still so young.
It's quite rare that tidiness is gonna be as important to a child as it is to an adult.
It's important to have realistic expectations and looking at kids and saying that they aren't naturally neat compared to an adult, to me isn't realistic.

I home Ed so my kids are with me all day, both the older ones and the littles. We've got lots of boxes, both for toys and for shoes etc. My kids still leave things all over creation so my general rule is that before we move on to a new activity (such as hoping from playing to lunch) they have to tidy up. I do lots of tidying all through the day and do a big hoovering in the am and then hoover up after lunch and anything else that makes a mess.
My husband isn't naturally tidy but does his best.
I don't expect my kids to be tidy though and as a result I generally don't get frustrated that they aren't. I'm the one who cares so I make sure it gets done and teach them this as well. I have never rewarded them for it though as I feel that it's just part of being part of a family, and rewarding them, to me, sends the wrong message.
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