How are we supposed to live??

Sun, Feb 19 2017, 7:23 pm

amother wrote:

I wouldn't have the nerve to say this to you to your face in person, but it is reasonable to look at what you describe and think of it as voluntary madness. You clearly say that you have 7 kids and earn a combined $1000 per week. You also say that you are (not surprisingly) racking up credit card bills ON ESSENTIALS. Yeah, many would say that its unfair to your family to keep having babies that you have no means of supporting. You sarcastically say that others wonder how DARE you want another baby? Let me ask you this....at what point do you feel it's to much based on your income? 9 kids? 10? 15? I don't mean to come off as harsh and I genuinely wish you bracha and hatslacha and hashem should help and provide for your family.

If you wouldn't have the nerve to say it to her face, you shouldn't be saying it hiding behind another either.

Parnasa is never guaranteed.

amother

Plum

Sun, Feb 19 2017, 9:48 pm

1. I have found that many jewish mothers want children. whether they act on that 'want' is a different story.
2. I was not in any way being sarcastic.
3. I have never done calculations how many children I can 'afford.' I suppose if I did, I probably wouldn't have had any. but I didn't and lucky me, I have 7 b'h. I really do feel very lucky. I have a friend who has plenty of material wealth and is struggling to get pregnant and carry one child. this is my wealth. its not like we don't care for them. we do. we're good decent parents.
go ahead, hide behind anonymous posting and say what you think, I don't really care. what r u trying to accomplish?

amother

Olive

Sun, Feb 19 2017, 11:04 pm

kb wrote:

If you wouldn't have the nerve to say it to her face, you shouldn't be saying it hiding behind another either.

Parnasa is never guaranteed.

I'm wondering what you mean that "parnasa is never guaranteed". It appears your saying that if someone is not making proper hishtadlus, it's ok because even the people who are making proper hishtadlus are not guaranteed anyway. Kind of a weak argument, no? Should I not wear a seat belt since wearing one doesn't guarantee one's safety anyway? My kids hate brushing their teeth. Truth is brushing doesn't guarantee cavities will stay away anyway so why bother. Does this logic make sense to you?

As far as me going amother, We are all anonymous. Your comment to me that that I shouldn't hide as amother is disingenuous. Your screen name is KB. I don't have more of an idea who you are knowing your screen name than you know of me. We are equally anonymous.

Sun, Feb 19 2017, 11:09 pm

amother wrote:

No. I'm not as anonymous as you. And whether or not I am, it's against the rules of the site to insult people as amother.

What I meant about parnasa not being guaranteed is that just because you think you can afford a child doesn't mean you will be able to afford all expenses forever... it's not our job to cheshbon out whether or not we can afford to bring a child into the world.

The same God who creates the child will also help you support it.

(That isn't to say you shouldn't go out to work. Just to say that you never know if you'll be able to afford a child's care forever, and I think your comment was uncalled for and inappropriate. )

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 1:04 pm

I believe you got to step back and let your husband worry about making ends meet. In fact it is his obligation to support you-check your kesubah.

Sit husband down to a pep talk.

Sammy dear we Baruch Hashem have a growing family and growing expenses. I am happy to help out by bringing in $500 a week. I buy clothes on a budget, bake cakes instead of buying pastries and do others .... to keep costs down.
I will now leave the responsibility completely to you. I'll be happy to offer support.

And stop worrying about it, in front of him. Make it his problem

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 1:45 pm

amother wrote:

But if he really doesn't have the ability to earn more, how is he going to fix the problem?

sourstix

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 2:19 pm

Op, have you discussed this with your dh? What does he say? How are things gonna work out? Does he have plans?

Parnossoh is written how much a person will make on rosh hashana. That being said if you think your dh is doing his utmost to bring n what he can then he's done his share. If you think he's not then your dealing with a different issue.

Moving to a different neighborhood might make it better. I don't know if he would agree to that. To a cheaper neighborhood.

amother

Olive

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 3:03 pm

sourstix wrote:

Olive amother you really don't see the difference in being amother then using a screename? So why don't you use yours? Oh so your looking to get a free pass without taking responsibility for what you say.

The reason I don't like using my screen name often is because I have relatives here who know my screen name and I'd prefer to be anonymous. When I first joined imamother I pretty much alwsys used my screen name. I think that if no one in real life can link a screen name to a real person, then posting under a screen name is essentially 100% anonymous. At the end of the day, zero people (excluding the mods) know who you really are. A little off topic, That's the reason I find this site so much more enjoyable than jewish woman talk about anything. That group now has 16000 woman (and surely a few men). The problem is that because the responses to an op are not anonymous, and your actual facebook name and profile picture are attached to every comment made, it discourages real meaningful opinions and conversion. Someone wants an amzing potato kugel recipe? I'll respond. A recommendation where to get good deals on childrens clothes? I'll respond. But I would NEVER put my real name to some of the topics that come up there and frankly most normal people wouldn't. As opposed to this site where I can completely anonymously participate in a conversation about intimacy, shalom bayis, or finances. But getting back to your point, no, I don't really feel that when you post under a made up screen name "sourstix" that you are anything but anonymous. When you put your real name under a post I'll give credit for not being anonymous.

MagentaYenta

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 3:07 pm

amother wrote:

...The problem is that because the responses to an op are not anonymous, and your actual facebook name and profile picture are attached to every comment made, it discourages real meaningful opinions and conversion. ...

Not true. Try and find my real name and Facebook page from my posts here.

watergirl

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 4:25 pm

GreenEyes26 wrote:

She's not talking about here. She's talking about a Facebook group called "Jewish women talk about anything."

Lol yeah. Love how she said most normal women wouldnt post on JWTAA about things other than kugels. Its an awesome group thats really diverse. Not all frum at all. And tons of very normal people who I know irl post there all the time.

amother

Olive

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 4:41 pm

watergirl wrote:

What I'm saying is that many "normal" woman wouldn't engage in a public conversation, essentially in front of 16,000 people, in topics like intimacy, personal finances, hashkafa, venting about work or community, personal marital issues ect. Of course there are some exceptions, and I'm talking in general. Would you post with your name and picture regarding an intimacy problem you were having with your husband? Vent about a friend or neighbor? Had a fight with your husband and need to vent? I think I stand by my previous comment. Normal people don't put these things out there in front of 16000 strangers. That's why I think the group itself is boring. Often the topics are dull for the very reason I'm describing.

Mandmmom

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 9:54 pm

op, I don't know if this is you or your husbands type to do, but my husband recently read Dani Johnson's book First Steps To Wealth, and it gave him a tremendous push to put in all of his effort in his current job, earning him a nice raise and fantastic bonuses. the book is all about motivating you to work and make money your slave to be able to start earning more etc. the book also discusses how to manage debt and get rid of it quickly and easily.
Their website is down now so I can't send you the link, but Google Dani Johnson's free printable ebook and you will find it.
Good luck with whatever you do!!

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 11:42 pm

Mandmmom wrote:

I don't think the op's husband can read a book in English. That's a big part of the problem.

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:17 am

kb wrote:

But you can have a good idea.

When you're an unskilled worker making just above minimum wage, and not trying to gain skills needed for a new position, you pretty much know that your income potential is limited.

If you're a world-renowned brain surgeon, you pretty much know you'll be making bank even if the hospital you practice in closes.

That's the frustrating thing with OP, IMNSHO. People have made reasonable suggestions about increasing income, but she has rejected them all. Doing nothing means nothing changes.

Most skilled labor requires learning and apprenticeship. Plumbing. Electrical. Automotive. Welding. You can make decent money, but it takes time. And most unskilled labor doesn't pay well.

The only other suggestion I have is not likely to be well taken, but what the heck. Sanitation worker. After 5 years, with overtime, they can make close to $90,000 a year in NYC. But its not an easy job to get. Or one that most people would want.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:48 am

Op, my dh didn't finish high school. He is far from an educated man. When he began working when we got married married, he was making very very little. He worked his butt off and is now earning a lot more based solely on how hard he worked. Just letting you know that if your dh is motivated, there is hope. Is your dh a charming man? Is he put together? Does he talk well? These things can make a big difference at a job interview.

WastingTime

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 4:42 am

frumandproud wrote:

I hate to say it but the time to ask that question was before you got married and before you had children. How did you expect to support yourselves?

You sound like a nagging MIL. What if she has no answer? What's it going to help now? Next time she's 19 and unmarried she'll be wiser...