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Forum -> Household Management
Would you hire a nanny who is prettier then you?
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amother
Blush


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:01 am
Would you feel comfortable hiring a nanny who is very pretty and much prettier then you if your husband is home a lot?
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:05 am
No, I wouldn't.

"Chachmas nashim bunsah beisah"
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:08 am
I'm not a jealous woman, but this would bother me. I wouldn't leave a child with candy they can't have, why would I leave my husband with a pretty woman? No I don't think anything would happen, but why have him seeing her all day? I don't need him daydreaming about her. Even the best husbands would notice a gorgeous woman in front of them day after day.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:21 am
amother wrote:
Would you feel comfortable hiring a nanny who is very pretty and much prettier then you if your husband is home a lot?


If I have to worry about my husband, it doens't matter if the nanny looks like a troll. If he's not going to cheat, she could be gorgeous.

So yes, I'd hire a good, gorgeous nanny.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:46 am
I trust my husband a million and 1% but I still would not like it or do it. I wouldn't want to be compared to her even for a second.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:57 am
So what do really ugly mothers do?
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 2:09 am
DrMom wrote:
So what do really ugly mothers do?


Yeah, Lori Palatnik never really clarified that point in her infamous video.
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 2:13 am
Ahh guys did you not notice what the cleaning lady thay Arnold Schwarzenegger cheated with looks like?
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 3:50 am
Do you ladies who are saying you would not hire a pretty cleaning lady not trust your husbands? Do you never have guests over that might be prettier than you?
I just dont get these types of questions. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. The big bad place where we have to interact with people of all kinds.
Have faith in your spouses that they love you and nothing will happen. Seriously. I dont get it. Just because a woman is pretty doesnt mean that your husband will go and sin. What is the big deal?
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rachel91




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 3:54 am
'Everything was in confusion in the Oblonskys house...'
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WastingTime




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 4:04 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Do you ladies who are saying you would not hire a pretty cleaning lady not trust your husbands? Do you never have guests over that might be prettier than you?
I just dont get these types of questions. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. The big bad place where we have to interact with people of all kinds.
Have faith in your spouses that they love you and nothing will happen. Seriously. I dont get it. Just because a woman is pretty doesnt mean that your husband will go and sin. What is the big deal?


I agree- you can't escape pretty women...they're everywhere!! shock

Although I do hear your concern, but honestly what if she isn't prettier THAN you but she makes better conversation? Shares the same tastes as your husband? Who know's what else... If you are worried about your husband being alone with the nanny (maybe if the nanny is there he doesn't have to be home?) then yes, if you hire a 70 year old ugly nanny you may feel more comfortable, but I assume the nanny is there to take care of your kids, so that should be the priority.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 5:58 am
Maybe you find her ugly and he doesn't.
Maybe he's an adult not a child with candy.
Maybe he has halacha...

My answer: yes because he has no interest in others bh.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 6:06 am
Choose the best candidate for the job.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 6:25 am
Ruchel wrote:
Maybe you find her ugly and he doesn't.
Maybe he's an adult not a child with candy.
Maybe he has halacha...

My answer: yes because he has no interest in others bh.

I've always learned "al taamin be'atzmecha ad yom moscha" (don't trust in yourself until the day you die). We have hilchos yichud for a reason. I don't believe we're smarter than god. Do no, even back in the day when I trusted my husband I wouldn't do it. There are lots of equally qualified less attractive people to hire. That being said, if he wants to cheat he will. Nothing I can do to stop it. With the hot nanny or mediocre one or someone else entirely.
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2cents




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 7:08 am
I wouldn't add a woman who's not matronly to my family. Not because of looks, necessarily. Because of closeness and created intimacy. If she's going to be taking cafe of my kids, dealing with situations with my kids when I'm not around but my husband might be, loving my kids, being around for what's usually family time, I think it's asking for trouble to introduce another woman to the relationship. There are too many potentially emotionally intimate moments that would be shared with her.

Having said that, I'll add that I would feel the same way about a man being around our family that much in the same capacity. If I had a brother in law or neighbor that was too close and was helping me consistently when dh wasn't around, helping with the kids and stuff around the houses constantly, hanging around schmoozing while we put the kids through the dinner and bedtime routine...recipe for trouble.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 7:12 am
amother wrote:
I've always learned "al taamin be'atzmecha ad yom moscha" (don't trust in yourself until the day you die). We have hilchos yichud for a reason. I don't believe we're smarter than god. Do no, even back in the day when I trusted my husband I wouldn't do it. There are lots of equally qualified less attractive people to hire. That being said, if he wants to cheat he will. Nothing I can do to stop it. With the hot nanny or mediocre one or someone else entirely.


Hence why halachot allow it fully, and never mention pretty or not.

Even gedolim like Rashi (!) discuss, and allow, nannies.

Once upon a time "everyone" had household help and/or relatives living under the same roof... Sometimes in close quarters...

I have no issue with halacha, and shailos, and personal feelings. But they're not the same. Mine remains as above, and yes I trust my husband. If I didn't, I also wouldn't let him work, or go to kollel (he might get close with a guy!), or go do errands (salespeople!)... It's not life.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 7:51 am
Ruchel wrote:
Hence why halachot allow it fully, and never mention pretty or not.

Even gedolim like Rashi (!) discuss, and allow, nannies.

Once upon a time "everyone" had household help and/or relatives living under the same roof... Sometimes in close quarters...

I have no issue with halacha, and shailos, and personal feelings. But they're not the same. Mine remains as above, and yes I trust my husband. If I didn't, I also wouldn't let him work, or go to kollel (he might get close with a guy!), or go do errands (salespeople!)... It's not life.

Halacha in no way allows yichud. Having a nanny doesn't automatically equal yichud. Based on OP husband would be alone with nanny (and presumably young child(ren)) which would therefore be yichud and a halachic problem.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:11 am
amother wrote:
Halacha in no way allows yichud. Having a nanny doesn't automatically equal yichud. Based on OP husband would be alone with nanny (and presumably young child(ren)) which would therefore be yichud and a halachic problem.
nowhere in the OP does it say the husband will be home alone with this person. just home a lot. Different.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:19 am
No I wouldn't.
There are pretty women everywhere but to have one in my home day after day is something else.

I really don't think it's about trust or not trust. It's a temptation that I wouldn't around 24/7. Men are very visual.
Even If he woudnt cheat on u , maybe just maybe he would visualize her when u are being intimate.

Life a hard enough, don't ask for problems.

I just wouldn't - op asked, I answered..
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:32 am
SixOfWands wrote:
If I have to worry about my husband, it doens't matter if the nanny looks like a troll. If he's not going to cheat, she could be gorgeous.

So yes, I'd hire a good, gorgeous nanny.


Congrats on providing the perfect pc answer!

Op however, should feel free to inhabit the real world of complex emotions, where the happily married wives of noncheating husbands at times feel insecure anyway, and although they might be loathe to admit it out loud (hence the posting anonymously on an anonymous message board), would really feel a lot better about dealing with a much plainer looking nanny day after day.

So, op, don't let yourself feel shamed into hiring someone you are not totally comfortable with, for whatever reason, shallow or otherwise. It's your life. You deserve to feel good in it.
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