Would you hire a nanny who is prettier then you?

Ruchel

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 10:20 am

amother wrote:

It's a temptation that I wouldn't around 24/7. Men are very visual.
Even If he woudnt cheat on u , maybe just maybe he would visualize her when u are being intimate.

Ancient greeks thought that about women, so they considered them inferior, unable to control themselves, and locked them up... sigh. Men are human and b tzelem elokim, gasp!!. If he's half way normal he wouldn't visualize the nanny when with you. OMG...

Amother who keeps bringing up halacha, show me the mainstream (or at all) halacha about not having a nanny, or having an ugly nanny. No? That's what I said... so don't bring up yichud or "halacha" as a reason not to.

Have a good evening!

OOTforlife

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 10:22 am

2cents wrote:

I wouldn't add a woman who's not matronly to my family. Not because of looks, necessarily. Because of closeness and created intimacy. If she's going to be taking cafe of my kids, dealing with situations with my kids when I'm not around but my husband might be, loving my kids, being around for what's usually family time, I think it's asking for trouble to introduce another woman to the relationship. There are too many potentially emotionally intimate moments that would be shared with her.

Having said that, I'll add that I would feel the same way about a man being around our family that much in the same capacity. If I had a brother in law or neighbor that was too close and was helping me consistently when dh wasn't around, helping with the kids and stuff around the houses constantly, hanging around schmoozing while we put the kids through the dinner and bedtime routine...recipe for trouble.

I have a similar reaction. Thanks for typing it out.

amother

Puce

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 11:21 am

Why make things harder? Yes, I trust my husband completely and don't generally concern myself with all the beautiful women he may encounter going about his day, but I'm not going to bring a gorgeous woman into my home every day. I also trust myself not to overdo dessert when I'm at a party, but generally keep desserts out of the house because if they're there all the time, it's an unnecessary challenge. We don't go asking for trouble. We don't purposely set nisyonos up just because in theory we should always do the right thing.

ectomorph

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 11:30 am

amother wrote:

Why make things harder? Yes, I trust my husband completely and don't generally concern myself with all the beautiful women he may encounter going about his day, but I'm not going to bring a gorgeous woman into my home every day Mk. I also trust myself not to overdo dessert when I'm at a party, but generally keep desserts out of the house because if they're there all the time, it's an unnecessary challenge. We don't go asking for trouble. We don't purposely set nisyonos up just because in theory we should always do the right thing.

Great analogy to desserts.

cozyblanket

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 11:40 am

Do you mean have my husband home (as in he works from home) with a Nanny without me? I wouldn't hire any female for that, no matter what she looks like. How is that even mutar? Yichud only gives an OK (yes, even with little kids around) if the wife is around the property (elsewhere in the house, in the yard, etc). If the wife is at work, a man can't be home with a nanny and some little kids. Halachikally, older kids are OK, but those kids would be in school and not in need of a nanny. This has nothing to do with the nanny's looks.

amother

Apricot

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 11:59 am

Ruchel I'm not referring to Halacha. IM referring to the human in all of us.

To all those 'I trust my dh implicitly' or 'we have a rock solid marriage'.
Never say never.

What about the reverse? A gorgeous hunk all day to stare at. in my home. While I work.
I'm drooling at the thought .....

amother

Mint

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 12:32 pm

I don't understand why people have such a problem with anyone who might not want to put themselves in a situation like that. I trust my husband completely not to do anything, but I've always thought of cheating as something that can be done mentally/emotionally. In other words thinking about another woman/wanting to be with her, whether or not he actually does anything. Maybe it says something more about me than my husband (that I'm a jealous/insecure person... not totally a lie) but I'm ok with that. My marriage is important to both me and my husband and if someone else's beauty made me uncomfortable, I would have no problem not hiring her. Sue me.

amother

Violet

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 12:32 pm

Many people are replying that they wouldn't even though they completely trust their husband.

So I'll say, I wouldn't hire a gorgeous nanny, and I don't trust my husband even a little bit. Plus I'm horribly insecure about my looks which are mediocre at best.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 12:36 pm

Don't do it. Number one: YICHUD, as everyone said. The only way it would be mutter is if you would regularly come in at any moment--which is not how you made it sound. Number two: don't put yourself in a place of nisayon (or your husband). Number three: you do your hishtadlus and then recognize that you never have full control over anything.

What kind of nanny do you want to get? Is the job to watch little kids? Big kids? Clean the house? Cook? If my husband we around all the time I'd probably hire a less attractive cleaning lady and try to extend the kids daytime arrangements a bit longer till I could pick them up. I don't think I would hire a man--I can't imagine there are many 100% normal adult men that are looking to babysit.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 12:54 pm

If I needed to hire a nanny, her looks would not be a factor in eligibility.

I also wanted to add, that the halachos of yichud do not take looks into factor. There are rules and a lot of detail. Halacha never makes distinction between a pretty woman and a plain looking woman. It will make a distinction between strangers and people who are familiar and comfortable with each other. Plus, who's to say what you consider pretty your husband considers attractive? Who's to say what you consider not pretty your husband finds unattractive?

That being said, if your husband expresses discomfort with the arrangements, listen to him. He knows himself best.

amother

Linen

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 1:03 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not a jealous woman, but this would bother me. I wouldn't leave a child with candy they can't have, why would I leave my husband with a pretty woman? No I don't think anything would happen, but why have him seeing her all day? I don't need him daydreaming about her. Even the best husbands would notice a gorgeous woman in front of them day after day.

ITA

amother

Bisque

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 2:19 pm

No I wouldn't!

I happen to be pretty and have a great body, yet I wouldn't hire someone who is very attractive looking overall, even if she doesn't measure up to me in appearances.

However if she were a great cleaning lady, I woudn't hesitate for a moment to hire her for once or twice a week.

sequoia

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 2:47 pm

This is hilarious.

The question is "would you hire someone prettier than you?" and everyone's bringing up halacha and yichud. The question wasn't "would you hire someone at all under these circumstances?" It was specifically about appearance.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 2:52 pm

I would try to avoid it as I would want the people I love to not bring my weakness foods while I'm trying to diet into the house. If I had no other choice or she was specifically super qualified I would discuss it with DH and see what he wanted to do or he wanted to go about it

agreer

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 2:53 pm

I wouldn't.

I also think the women who say they trust their husbands 100% are being naive (or lying to themselves to prove how progressive they are).

Please. Men are visual. If you think your husband won't look more at an objectively prettier woman, you are lying to yourself.