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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
When a Rebbe ruins it for your child..



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amother
Silver


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 11:19 am
I should really be posting this in emotional health. I don't think I slept in two weeks. I have an 8th grade son and we are in the process of applying for Mesivtas. The process alone can take your sanity away, but we have a situation which is literally squeezing every ounce of normal out of me. We applied to a number of good solid Mesivtas in town. My son is a good boy with a solid head for learning. He had a rough start to the year with a new inexperienced Rebbe, who had some preconceived notions about my son. They were not a shidduch and with much agmas nefesh on our end we finally resolved that my son would switch classes. The Hanhala backed us up and helped us in the transition, assuring us that this was not our son's fault and that this Rebbe was incapable of working with our child for whatever reason. He switched to a very experienced seasoned Rebbe and bh is doing amazing. Now the problem. Apparently, when the Roshei Mesivta hear that my son switched midyear, they reach out to his previous Rebbe who it seems is maligning him. The Mesivtas have been giving us vague and weird excuses as to why they feel he is not a good fit for their school. The Rebbe where he is now has gone to bat for him, explaining to the Mesivtas that the hardships he had in the beginning of the year were no fault of his and that he is a strong learner and capable of doing well in their Mosdos. Jowever, we are hearing one negative reply after another! We even lowered the bar for him and applied to a lower standard Yeshiva and still received the same lame excuse about his commitment and seriousness!! What do we do? I am so frustrated. It's bad enough his previous Rebbe wrecked his first three months of the year and nearly sent him into a depression. He is seriously ruining his future! I called the Menahel and he said he would have to verify that this was indeed happening, but we were told by two Mesivtas that they spoke to him so we know this is happening! Advice? I am so overwhelmed and sad. And the clock is ticking and we are running out of options...
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doctorima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 11:22 am
It sounds like somebody needs to speak to the Rebbe he started the year with. It would be nice if the Menhael or new Rebbe would do it, but if they're stalling or refusing, would you or DH feel comfortable to approach him directly? It sounds like you have nothing to lose at this point. Or is there a way to prevent the Mesivtas from finding out that he was ever in the other Rebbe's class, and just give the name of the current Rebbe, and leave it at that?
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shirachadasha




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 11:42 am
Can you ask the 7th and 6th grade rebeiim to write letters to the prospective menahalim?
This way you can demonstrate a favorable track record.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 12:07 pm
amother wrote:
I should really be posting this in emotional health. I don't think I slept in two weeks. I have an 8th grade son and we are in the process of applying for Mesivtas. The process alone can take your sanity away, but we have a situation which is literally squeezing every ounce of normal out of me. We applied to a number of good solid Mesivtas in town. My son is a good boy with a solid head for learning. He had a rough start to the year with a new inexperienced Rebbe, who had some preconceived notions about my son. They were not a shidduch and with much agmas nefesh on our end we finally resolved that my son would switch classes. The Hanhala backed us up and helped us in the transition, assuring us that this was not our son's fault and that this Rebbe was incapable of working with our child for whatever reason. He switched to a very experienced seasoned Rebbe and bh is doing amazing. Now the problem. Apparently, when the Roshei Mesivta hear that my son switched midyear, they reach out to his previous Rebbe who it seems is maligning him. The Mesivtas have been giving us vague and weird excuses as to why they feel he is not a good fit for their school. The Rebbe where he is now has gone to bat for him, explaining to the Mesivtas that the hardships he had in the beginning of the year were no fault of his and that he is a strong learner and capable of doing well in their Mosdos. Jowever, we are hearing one negative reply after another! We even lowered the bar for him and applied to a lower standard Yeshiva and still received the same lame excuse about his commitment and seriousness!! What do we do? I am so frustrated. It's bad enough his previous Rebbe wrecked his first three months of the year and nearly sent him into a depression. He is seriously ruining his future! I called the Menahel and he said he would have to verify that this was indeed happening, but we were told by two Mesivtas that they spoke to him so we know this is happening! Advice? I am so overwhelmed and sad. And the clock is ticking and we are running out of options...



I've had children apply to several high schools. Why does it come up that he switched classes? Are you volunteering this information? How does the new High school know your son switched classes? Does a prospective high school actually call every 8th grade rebbe of all the applicants? I didn't think the process worked that way. I'm also surprised that a Mesivta would actually come back to you and say that his rebbe threw him under the bus and gave a bad report so they can't accept him. Very unusual behavior and you say this happened twice. When my son wasn't accepted we either get a letter that he's a great kid but there's not enough room so he's on the "waiting list", or he's a great kid but not for this yeshiva.
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MyTimeNow




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2017, 12:17 pm
I'm sorry for the agmas nefesh you're going through.
Just sharing my experience: I had similar (it was coming from someone in the the hanhala, long frustrating story), but at the end my son was accepted into the yeshiva that was right for him- by people who were open to hearing what we had to say. The original schools we'd contacted, through their narrow-mindedness and disinterest in exploring the truth, clearly proved to be places where my son would not have been welcomed and would therefore not have been beneficial for him even if we had found a way to finesse him in.
Do continue to try everything you can to remedy the situation- fight for your child! -and with Hashem's help, he will end up in the school that's right for him.
I wish you much hatzlacha.
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