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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
For those who make their daughter wear tights after age 3
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amother
Black


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 3:50 pm
I am having trouble with my daughter (age 4) wearing tights all the time as I did not grow up this way. We are yeshivish and my husband wants her to be used to it young and not have her struggle with it, but just accept that this is how it is. She hates hates hates tights and finds them very uncomfortable. I don't understand why she can't wear knee socks or leggings with socks. But he only wants tights. I personally have issues with wearing tights and prefer socks as the material drives me crazy.

For those of you whose daughters wear tights from when they are little, do you do this year round, in the summer time as well? Have your kids ever overheated/passed out from wearing tights in 100 degrees or hotter weather? Do you have any leniencies? Please share that they are ok so I won't be as nervous about hot weather and tights. I have crazy anxiety about the upcoming summer. Thank you.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 3:58 pm
I only put them on them the winter after they are totally potty trained. I tell them they must have tights on if they leave the house until they are old enough to always keep their skirt down. (Finished with jump rope, bike riding, climbing stuff, sitting on the curb with their knees wide apart...) they understand that no one should be seeing their underwear.
It's plain logic and it works.

I did get them shabbos socks to wear at night with their long shabbos robes.

They get used to it. If it bothers you, they'll sense it and complain.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:03 pm
You are missing the sensory issue. I think forcing a sensory child to wear tights can only be counter-productive. For me wearing tights is torture. If I were forced to do it, particularly as a young child, I don't think I would be religious anymore
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:04 pm
My daughters are in tights from the age of 3, as am I. I find tights very comfortable. They protect against heat rashes/chafing.

And no, people don't pass out from wearing tights, in any weather. They aren't corsets...
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:06 pm
amother wrote:
You are missing the sensory issue. I think forcing a sensory child to wear tights can only be counter-productive. For me wearing tights is torture. If I were forced to do it, particularly as a young child, I don't think I would be religious anymore


I agree with this.

My father made me wear tights since I was 3. I am sensory and it was torture. The minute I turned 18, my tights came off. I don't wear any stockings today. Forcing children to wear tights at age 3 if they're uncomfortable and hate it can be so counterproductive.

I can't tell you whether this was due to wearing tights and long sleeves in the summer, but I did overheat and faint sometimes in the summer as a young child.
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pizza4




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:07 pm
It's all in the way you give it over. My daughters were thrilled and couldn't wait to be able to wear tights! I did wait till the winter after they turned 3, but the next summer was fine... If they ever want to take them off at home im fine with that, too.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:11 pm
pizza4 wrote:
It's all in the way you give it over......


No it isn't. If you are sensory, you can't talk your way out of it. I guess an OT may be able to desensitize a child to some extent , but as there are differing legitimate halachic opinions, this is not a battle I would recommend having.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:12 pm
Try buying different brands and textures. My girls are pickyish. Some are softer, stretchier, smoother, etc.
Cute designs may make it more enjoyable for her.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:15 pm
I only have sons but since you mention sensory issues, I'm going to chime in: my sons are very sensory and have trouble adjusting to kippahs and tzitzis after the upsheren. My nearly 6 year old couldn't consistently wear a kippah till a bit over a year ago and only in the last few months started tolerating tzitzis. I never made a big deal at 3. I would always encourage it, but never forced and let them go without if they couldn't do it. Closer to 5 I start emphasizing it more but still very gently. So far so good. 5/6 is still plenty young to get in the habit of wearing things you're going to need to wear as a frum Jew.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:32 pm
Why dont you two go to a Rav( not necessarily a rosh yeshiva as they usually arent poskim)who deals with these issues all day, and say what he says? Forcing a certain derech when theres no halachic basis can sometimes backfire.
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 4:43 pm
amother wrote:
I am having trouble with my daughter (age 4) wearing tights all the time as I did not grow up this way. We are yeshivish and my husband wants her to be used to it young and not have her struggle with it, but just accept that this is how it is. She hates hates hates tights and finds them very uncomfortable. I don't understand why she can't wear knee socks or leggings with socks. But he only wants tights. I personally have issues with wearing tights and prefer socks as the material drives me crazy.

For those of you whose daughters wear tights from when they are little, do you do this year round, in the summer time as well? Have your kids ever overheated/passed out from wearing tights in 100 degrees or hotter weather? Do you have any leniencies? Please share that they are ok so I won't be as nervous about hot weather and tights. I have crazy anxiety about the upcoming summer. Thank you.
my family did this. I have several sisters. I personally didn't struggle with it at all, in fact I can't stand wearing socks.
My youngest sister struggled the most. She now wears thigh highs and never did get into tights.
To each their own. I would not force it. Do whatever most people in her social life do.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 5:07 pm
Your husband's reasoning of "so they should get used to it now and not have problems when they are older" reminds me of the story of Chavah and the snake. The snake added on to the actual mitzvah and Chavah sinned because of that.
If your husband feels that the Halacha is that they should wear tights already, that's a different story, but just to get used to it for when they're older? Sounds a bit pressurizing to me.
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gingie37




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 5:19 pm
Am I the only one who finds the idea of the father enforcing tights and other tznius issues super uncomfortable? Mothers should be the one defining what is appropriate for their daughters to wear. I had friends in high school who were forced by their fathers to wear tights or other tznius and it was borderline creepy and just plain weird.

Also little girls should be be forced to wear tights. Why can't they wear regular socks and shorts under the skirt for more coverage?
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 5:22 pm
Tights for out of the house. In the house, socks are enough for me and for my daughters. Also, cotton tights are great for avoiding heat rashes. In the summer, thigh highs also work.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 5:47 pm
gingie37 wrote:
Am I the only one who finds the idea of the father enforcing tights and other tznius issues super uncomfortable? Mothers should be the one defining what is appropriate for their daughters to wear. I had friends in high school who were forced by their fathers to wear tights or other tznius and it was borderline creepy and just plain weird.

Also little girls should be be forced to wear tights. Why can't they wear regular socks and shorts under the skirt for more coverage?


I also find it strange. Isn't teaching tznius like the mothers job? I mean, yeah, technically, halacha goes by the child's father, but tights isn't halacha, it's cultural.
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zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 5:49 pm
the same with super tight necklines with the top button. or hijab under the chin. both would make me gag, if I wore it all my life it might be different, this is how you dress. dd wears tights from the age of 3, she wears cotton in the summer or the thin opaque ones. in the house, bare legged.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 5:56 pm
I only wear tights, I find socks very uncomfortable. Which was why I was very surprised when my cousin was reminiscing about when she came to visit us when I was 4 years old and my mother complained about the fact that I don't want to wear tights because most of my friends didn't.
I guess that means we do get used to it.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 5:59 pm
In my community, people hold age 6 for basics of tznius- no more short sleeves, no more short skirts, etc. Tights isn't even a consideration, nobody puts their little girls in tights, except on Shabbos to look dressed up.

And I'm talking about very frum people. I don't relate to tights at 3, I can't understand it. Chinuch starts at 3, OK, so why not send 3 year old boys to minyan three times a day? Maybe buy them a black hat? I dunno, I just don't understand it. Anyone know the halachic background for this?
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 6:05 pm
I think leggings is a better alternative, personally.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 6:29 pm
While we are at it, maybe three year olds should start wearing burka too. God forbid, too much of their skin could be exposed, better to cover them totally. Whover came out with these absurd rules for three year olds, is propably a male. Let men walk around with hot sweaty tights a whole day, then let's see what they have to say.
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