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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Leaving kids alone
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 11:18 pm
Spinoff from the dadsitting post.
At what age would you leave kids alone at home?
I was surprised that some are ok leaving young kids home without adult supervision. I won't even leave my ten year old with younger siblings even though she is responsible.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 22 2017, 11:23 pm
Depends on how long I'm gone and where I'm going. I've gone around the corner by foot to pick up a kid from playgroup while a seven year old was home with a five year old.

OTOH, if I was going by car even a five minute ride, I'd leave a seven year old alone, but not a five year old.

You also have to know the natures of your kids. If one is a more curious, exploring type, you can't trust her/him for too long whether alone or with another child.
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newmommy22




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 12:18 am
I would leave my eight year old alone for 15-20 minutes but would not allow her to babysit any younger siblings. I would not allow my six year old to stay home alone at all. I don't think he would know what to do by an emergency. Just this week my baby had finally fallen asleep for his nap and I had to run out and do carpool for about 15 minutes and I was considering leaving the baby sleeping with my eight year old. I was not so excited about the idea and was debating whether I should wake her up but then my husband came home so he did carpool.
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Aylat




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 2:41 am
Like I said on the other thread, I don't believe in making decisions based on what others do. Your neighbourhood setup is different, your kids are different.

Having said that, if you are asking what I do:

I would leave my 6 yr old at home by himself (or my 6 and 7 y.o at home together) for up to about an hr, while I am approx a 5 minute walk away and have my phone with me.

I would (sometimes) leave my 9 y.o in charge of my 3 y.o in the same circumstances. Depends on more of the details and his mood/preparedness at the time. Only if he is willing and ready to be fully present with him and responsible.

I would without question leave my 11 y.o (and did also when she was 10) in charge of my 3 (at the time, 2) y.o in the circumstances as above. She is very mature and responsible. She has just started babysitting for other families and will beH be doing the next first aid/CPR course available.

While my DH is sleeping in the house after a night shift, all my kids except the 3 y.o are allowed to be home for several hours while I am a drive away. My 9 y.o is allowed to be in charge of my 3 y.o under those circumstances.

I have just started allowing my 11 y.o to be in charge of my 6 y.o while I was a half hr drive away for a couple of hrs. I confirmed with a friend living on the next road that she is in the area and available by phone if anything were to happen.

This is not exactly what you asked, but in terms of going out alone (relevant context - I live in a small yishuv in Israel):

My kids from 6 y.o up are allowed to range alone up to about 10 mins from our house. 6 and 7 y.o have to be home before dark.

From the time he was 5, DC was allowed to be in charge of 2/3 y.o in the vicinity of our house (could see them from our window).

From the time she was 9, my daughter, who was mature and responsible, was allowed to take the toddler to any of the neighbourhood parks. My DC who is 9 at the moment is not always allowed to take out the 3 y.o because he is not as responsible and aware.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 4:11 am
I live in a suburb of NYC.

I have never left my 8 year old alone at home, although I have allowed her to play in the snow in the backyard by herself while I keep an eye on her from the window. She watches my 2 year old when I'm in the bathroom or on another floor of the house for a while. She also walks home from her bus stop 1 block away.

I would never leave a baby or toddler at home by themselves even for a few minutes. I will unload groceries from my car in the driveway while a baby is safely in a crib or while my toddler wanders around my main floor as long as the gates to upstairs and downstairs are closed.

I trust my 8 year old as a mother's helper when I'm in earshot or otherwise close by. She often seems mature beyond her years but every so often she'll do something to remind me that she's really just a kid. I can't always trust her judgement. I think that if she was my only child then I would feel fine about leaving her briefly while I did something quick in the neighborhood as long as she had a way to reach me, but I would not leave her in charge of her younger siblings without an adult present.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 9:04 am
I don't leave my 11 year old home alone by herself or with my 7 year old, even though they are both mature and responsible. Am I crazy?
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amother
Green


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 9:14 am
I dont kmow what to say.
I was in the ER with one of my kids, and hat to run home because I
didnt want to leave !3 year old home alone with younger kids 6 and up, for a long time.
But leaving 6 and 7 year old home alone, with younger kids....I dont get it.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 9:51 am
I've left my 4 and 6 year old by themselves for 15-20 minutes while them sitting in front of the tv so they won't move. I did that when I had to bring other kids to school and it was cold. We walk to school. I don't think I would leave any kids home alone under a certain age if I went by car somewhere. Of course c'v something can happen while walking, but with a car something could happen and you could also have traffic. Now my 4 and 6 year olds are 6 and 9 (depends on what time of year Wink ) and I've left them while I went down the block to buy a few things. Whenever I leave I give them a whole long thing on what not to do and just stay put. If I didn't have the tv or computer I would never leave them.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 10:00 am
I am shocked to hear how many people leavr their young children at home without an adult! This is mind boggling to me. How can you leave a 7 year old home alone?? So what if it's cold.. what if gd forbid there is a fire or if the kids really hurts themselves? What if the kid goes outside by himself?
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 10:15 am
amother wrote:
I don't leave my 11 year old home alone by herself or with my 7 year old, even though they are both mature and responsible. Am I crazy?


No. Not crazy at all.

I wouldn't either.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 10:20 am
In the U.S., some States have regulations as to the age children are legally allowed to stay home alone. It's very important that parents are aware of and obey the local laws, as there could be serious consequences if something happens while there is no adult supervision.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 10:41 am
I dont know. It all depends on the specific child. But under 9 really sounds young to me. As mature as they are they really are just kids and cant always think clearly in certain situations... espesially if you leave little one with them to care for.....

I had a neighbor that would put her babies to sleep and go out leaving them home on their own. By day , by night... not for a sec down the block , away by car. I didnt know what to do, I wasnt going to report her but I was very uncomfortable... whats if there was a fire c"v or some one broke in or who knows what... my sister tried to convice me to call a local rav to find out what the right thing is to do... I never did though...I moved out and dont know what happend with them... dont know if it was right or wrong to just do nothing...
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 11:06 am
Im quite sure that there are some laws regulating this.

I think it may be illegal to leave a child home alone under the age of 12. I'm not positive, but I think so.

Yeah, I would leave kids of any age home alone- sleeping baby, preschooler, elementary age, etc- if I was literally going next door to borrow a cup of sugar for 30 seconds. The house is in my sight the whole time and it takes a half a minute. I think everyone does that.

But to walk for a length of time, or to get into the car and drive somewhere, with children home alone under the age of 12- no, I definitely have not done that. I honestly don't think it's safe. I don't know anyone who does that.

(My neighbor actually was telling me recently that she was really excited when her oldest turned 12 this past year cuz she was able to leave the 12 yr old in charge of the kids when she ran for short increments of time, such as carpool, or short grocery trip... She never let her babysit until her 12th birthday.)

You know how people like to sagely intone "Some people can manage well with 25 kids while others struggle to manage with 2"? As if its all about how good of an organized balabuste you are, some moms are just superior to others in their "managing" skills, and if you struggle to manage your life, there's something wrong with you?

I always laugh to myself.... Yeah right. Total distortion. It's not about how much of an organized balabuste the person with 25 kids is, it's about how many shortcuts she takes. Maybe the mom with 2 kids isn't willing to rely on the shortcuts that the mom with 25 kids relies on. For the most part, nobody is superior to anyone, it's really all about the shortcuts, some which are safer than others.

Leaving little ones home alone is a shortcut, one that many moms do not agree with. I'm not judging people who do rely on this shortcut, I get it, life is stressful and overwhelming and sometimes people feel like they need to rely on shortcuts. But it really is a very very b'dieved shortcut.

That's my take on it. Tongue Out


Last edited by gold21 on Fri, Feb 24 2017, 11:18 am; edited 1 time in total
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 11:17 am
gold21 wrote:
Im quite sure that there are some laws regulating this.

I think it may be illegal to leave a child home alone under the age of 12. I'm not positive, but I think so.


I posted this on another thread many states like NJ and NY have no laws.
MD is young at age 8, Illinios is old at age 14.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 11:20 am
sky wrote:
I posted this on another thread many states like NJ and NY have no laws.
MD is young at age 8, Illinios is old at age 14.


So if a mom leaves her 3 year old son home alone all day, she would not be subject to prosecution? There must be some legal guidelines.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 11:41 am
Its so interesting because my kids school offers to send 7th grade girls to babysit for chesed so that you can attend the dinner (assuming you are not going due to childcare issues). It is at a hotel 20-30 min away. I am pretty chilled but that seems way too young. If I was going to dinner in my neighborhood and can be back in 10 minutes maybe. I have had a real emergency where I had to call 911 it was traumatizing to say the least. I cant imagine a younger teenager having the capability to manage that kind of situation.

I am 33 almost. I was allowed to stay home alone for short periods around 10 years old. By 8th grade I was coming home some days before my mother and started babysitting for others again parents usually not too far away. We lived in quiet suburbia with a good support system of neighbors that could help us.
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LittleDucky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 1:06 pm
It depends on the maturity of the kids involved. I was a mature kid- I was home alone or watching a sibling at a young age. And this was before the days where cell phones were attached to everyone like a body part. Wink

If ones kids were put to the same test as I was I would be ok with them watching. Do I trust them to:
call 911 in an emergency?
Be able to know what to do if someone is hurt, there is a fire etc?
Be able to get themselves drinks, snacks etc? General taking care of themselves so in case things run late they can eat something.
Know which neighbors to run to if there was a non 911 level emergency but it is something scary?
Can entertain themselves, do basic problem solving (even if it is "separate and wait for mom to resolve)?
Do they have basic common sense (not to do obviously dangerous things, know not to put metal in a microwave)?
How to call Dad at work?

Some 15 year olds don't pass these criteria. But some 9 year olds do. I did.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 1:24 pm
I don't go by age.
I go by then knowing what to do if there's a fire in the house Chas vsholom, and if I can trust them to never open the door even if someone is ringing/knocking twenty times.
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 1:48 pm
I was a very mature kid.
I must have been not more than 9 when I was trusted to watch up to 4 kids at a time.
I remember making a plan in my head if there was a fire chv. And making sure all the doors and window gates were locked.
I wouldn't trust a kid so young to be in charge of more than one kid. And not for hours on end. Or even sleeping kids like I did.

For a 10-15 minute run to the grocery thenbid be ok with that.

I also have left my kid sleeping with a video monitor (she also has my combination number lock) that has motion and noise sensors (and I get allerted on my phone) that the neighbor was listening to to run to the grocery or to a quick local simcha to say mazal tov (only with dh so that I won't be stuck without a ride if needed. 3-5 minute ride but 1/2 hour walk).

I've also connected a motion sensor video camera to both doors that I can see from my phone and I get alerts when someone comes close to the door and I can talk to them too.
I've done the simcha thing a few times. And once the neighbor called me that she hears my kid twisting and turning in bed.....
We share a wall that's so thin, I wake up from her babies crying. I'm not sure I even need a monitor.... (kidding)
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 2:41 pm
I might leave an eight year old very mature child home alone, but not with (and in charge of a six year old.)

I would only do it if I was running to pick up another kid around the corner and if my neighbor is home and is aware that my kid is home in case there's an emergency.

I was once running late from a doctor's appointment and my eight year old came home from day camp before I did. She was home alone for fifteen minutes but I was on the phone with her most do the time. Ten minutes after I got home, a fire broke out and we needed to run out without shoes. Imagine if the fire would have broken out when she was home alone. She would have no clue how to handle the situation. (I basically lost myself!) There were no neighbors home. Since then I never leave kids home alone unless my neighbor in the same house is home.

(Til today, I look at the positive and thank hashem that if there had to be a fire, at least it didn't happen ten minutes earlier!)
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