Not sure what to do...

amother

Cyan

Fri, Feb 24 2017, 11:27 am

My 12 year old daughter mentioned that one of her classmates missed half of the Bas Mitzvah parties and often came late to the ones she did attend - when my daughter asked her why, she answered casually because she had to babysit her siblings (she is the oldest). My daughter said her friend didn't even seem upset, she thought this was normal.

My question to you smart ladies is: what do I do with this information? Let the school know? What if her classmate didn't really want to attend the parties and used this as an excuse? Should I alert the principal? Or mind my own business?

amother

Cyan

Fri, Feb 24 2017, 11:45 am

Quote:

What exactly is your concern? What are you hoping to gain by sharing this information?

(I hope I'm not coming across as rude. I'm genuinely trying to understand your question better.)

Not rude at all. I was thinking maybe her parents are just clueless and maybe if the school told them that keeping a child home from her friend's events in order to babysit her siblings is not right, they would fix it. Then I was thinking well there are only 2 more bm parties for their class so maybe just ignore. But then (yes, I spend a lot of time in my head), I started thinking: what if this child is being mistreated at home and this is just one of the symptoms and by ignoring it, I'm leaving this poor child with no help. Am I blowing things out of proportion? Honestly I would prefer to ignore and hope for the best.....

seeker

Fri, Feb 24 2017, 3:56 pm

If there is a problem, it probably is not that the parents need to be lectured about not keeping their child home. It's more likely that they need HELP. That they need help so badly that they can't figure out any way to get it other than their 12-year-old who has a party. Do you have an older daughter? Maybe in advance of the next party you can offer to pay her to babysit this family. Do you think the school principal/teacher could handle this with kindness rather than with lectures? If so then telling them would make sense.

amother

Bisque

Sat, Feb 25 2017, 8:22 pm

TALKING FROM EXPERIENCE, as I came from a large family and I always helped out. I babysat and cooked and helped take care of my younger sibilings a lot. But, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It helped train me for running my household and being a mother when I got married. I probably would not have managed if I did not have that experience.

However, it seems that maybe the parents have trouble with the transportation too. I know that was an issue for me. I never had a way to get to the events. Maybe you could offer to drive and drop off this girl. Who knows maybe then the mom could arrange to get home earlier and it would help her to not have to schlep all the kids to drive the daughter???

It does not seem right that you are so judgemental but you did not even think of helping out. Something as simple as offering a ride there and back might be just what they need in this case.

And, please, do you think they would listen to a school telling them how to take care of their children and how to run their household etc.???No, I don't think so. If that was me getting a lecture, I would be disgusted especially if the same people lecturing don't even offer to help. If the person lecturing or in this case judging them, does not offer to help then that person can't give tochacha as says in the torah that the criticism must come from a "warm feeling"a feeling of care and concern. You seem more disgusted than concerned for the mom!!