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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Violet
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 Sun, Feb 26 2017, 8:43 am
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My dad is at a bris right now. He drove 45 minutes to be there and the bris is about 10 minutes from me. The father of the baby is the younger brother of a friend of mine who I was friendly with in school but now our relationship consists of Facebook likes and chatting for a few minutes if we happen to bump into each other in the supermarket. I certainly haven't seen her brother in years and didn't even remember he had gotten married. I'm not schlepping my kids to a random bris and I don't think it's right to ask dh to watch them so I can attend a random bris. And selfishly, I don't want to get dressed at leave the house at this time on a Sunday morning for people I'm not that close with. My dad keeps saying I should go because it's righr in the neighborhood and "you've known the Finklesteins your whole life, you need to come by and wish them a mazal tov". Is it so terrible to sit this one out?
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Simple1
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 8:53 am
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Your father probably wants to see you. How often do you get to see each other? Otherwise I wouldn't feel obligated to go to a distant acquaintance's bris.
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amother
Ruby
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 9:05 am
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Can you have your father come to your house after?
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amother
Violet
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 9:08 am
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I see him a lot (his office is close to my house, so he drops by a couple of times a week before going home). And yes, I told him he can drop by after since he's in the neighborhood.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 9:10 am
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I don't think it's really about the bris. I think it's about kibud av and your father wanting to see you. If it's 10 minutes away, would it hurt to leave the kids home for half an hour? You don't have to stay very long....
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summer0808
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 9:26 am
I know what you mean. it's not just stopping by. You have to get 'dressed' leave upset kids that would love to come along, instructions for DH, sometimes come home to a bigger mess.
The men just 'stop by' doesnt happen to us ladies.
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SplitPea
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 9:32 am
Bris aside I don't understand not wanting to leave your kids with DH. Is that not what he does with you all week? Does he ever stress about "leaving" them with you?
Husbands should not need instructions or need any type of praise to PARENT their children. Because to better believe if it were a bris for his friends he would be there and not think twice about leaving you!
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amother
Violet
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 10:03 am
| SplitPea wrote: | Bris aside I don't understand not wanting to leave your kids with DH. Is that not what he does with you all week? Does he ever stress about "leaving" them with you?
Husbands should not need instructions or need any type of praise to PARENT their children. Because to better believe if it were a bris for his friends he would be there and not think twice about leaving you! |
You're making a lot of assumptions there. We both work, so no no, he doesn't leave the kids with me all week. And while I have shorter hours and more flexibility and do have more time with them during the week, any time one of us leaves the other with the kids because one of us needs to be somewhere, that's different, it's taking care of what needs to be done. If this were a close friend of mine, he would happily watch them so I could enjoy. Likewise, he wouldn't expect me to watch them so he can attend something for the sibling of an acquaintance. He actually hates attending simchas in general and only goes to the ones he really needs to be at, so no, he wouldn't just waltz out of the house to attend a random function, and I won't do it either.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 1:54 pm
| summer0808 wrote: | I know what you mean. it's not just stopping by. You have to get 'dressed' leave upset kids that would love to come along, instructions for DH, sometimes come home to a bigger mess.
The men just 'stop by' doesnt happen to us ladies. |
I must be an anomaly. I have no problem leaving my husband with the kids. He doesn't need extra instructions, he's their father not a baby sitter who doesn't know them. The kids can't be disappointed if they don't know what's going on. Ema is going out. The end.
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tichellady
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 2:01 pm
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No it is not terrible to skip it
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PinkFridge
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Sun, Feb 26 2017, 2:03 pm
OP, I don't know what you did in the end but I do feel for you, based on my experiences. Some things that seemed so overwhelming to pull off when I was younger/had more little kids around seem laughable now.
IMO, it probably would have been nice all around to go. But if this is the biggest thing you'll be kicking yourself over this year, hat's off to you!
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