I told my friend I didn't like her engagement dress.

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Fashion and Beauty

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 4:44 am

It's a long story why I said this but I told my friend that I didn't like her engagement dress and that she should have worn a different dress and now I feel terrible about it (by the way if it makes a difference the engagement didn't even end up working out). I don't think she got offended but I feel terrible about it and I don't know what came over me. I guess because I feel so close to her that's why I told her my opinion but thinking about it now if someone would have said this to me I would have probobly gotten hurt. I feel terrible about it. Do you think I crossed the line by saying this? Do you think I should apologize or just leave it so maybe she will forget what I said?

amother

Jade

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 4:50 am

I think you should tell her exactly what you told us. That you are sorry you said this and that you would have been hurt if someone said that to you. We all make mistakes, and the closer you are to someone, the easier it is to slip up and say the wrong thing. You'll BH find the right words to make amends.

amother

Gold

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 4:53 am

I definitely would. Clearly you're bothered by it, why not get it off your chest? One of two things will happen.
Either she'll say:
1. "I don't even remember you saying that." In which case you can feel better about not having hurt her feelings.
2. "Thank you for apologizing. It really offended me." And then great, you'll have apologized.
Win-win.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 5:01 am

So let's hear the statistics. Is it that the closer you are you hurt them more?

MitzadSheini

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 5:07 am

amother wrote:

So let's hear the statistics. Is it that the closer you are you hurt them more?

I think op was saying "the closer I am, the more honest I think I can be". Honesty (Emet) is often in conflict with Shalom. Looks like this was a classic example where op acted in favour of Emet but now regrets this and wishes she acted in favour of Shalom. Does not mean she was trying to hurt anyone at all.

watergirl

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 6:32 am

My best friend told me that she thought my engagement ring was ugly. This - after a really hard divorce and finally an engagement! I didnt ask her opinion. But you know what? It WAS ugly! Really ugly. I knew it. She knew it. So ok. Moving on.... I dont care. Did it do any good to tell me? No. But it didnt dent my friendship with her at all.

Ruchel

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 7:08 am

Two options
1) she likes it. You just removed some of her joy.
2) she doesn't like it. You rubbed it in.
I would have been more than mortified. Good for you to apologize but it may modify your relation for a moment.....

gp2.0

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 7:27 am

How long ago was this? If it was a while ago, it's probably a mistake to bring it up again.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 7:30 am

If her engagement did not work out then give it some time. You meant to say it was not your style and you felt she should wear the other one. Its a matter of taste and opinion. Unless she took it sooo seriously that she never touched that dress again.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 3:55 pm

I told her this after her engagement was broken

greenfire

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 10:56 pm

did you think this was some sort of consolation ?!

the way it works should be negative comments so long as you are still in the store ... after that she owns it so no need to insult her taste

pause

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:01 pm

Sometimes when we mistakenly make an inappropriate comment, the best thing is to move on from it. You're dwelling on it because you feel guilty, but she probably forgot already. I remember more of the times I misspoke than the times someone insulted me unintentionally. Bringing it up again might make you feel better, but it can make her feel worse to hear your insulting comment again.

WhatFor

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:08 pm

Honestly, I think most of us have had a foot in mouth moment at one point in our lives or another. I have personally had many such moments.
We can especially say dumb things when it comes to an emotionally charged situation where we're just at a loss and just grasping at things to say to try to relieve the tension and make the other person feel better. Over time, I've learned the best thing to say in these moments, is often nothing. Just be there.

I do think it would be good to apologize. "Sorry, it was a stupid thing to say. I wasn't thinking and I didn't even mean it." (if you're close enough that she personally told you about the broken engagement, you can add: "I was hoping to say something to make you feel better about what happened, but I realized as soon as it came out of my mouth how dumb that was. It was such a stupid thing to say and I'm so sorry.")

carrot

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 1:19 am

Unless you can honestly say that you didn't really mean it the way it sounded, it's probably risky to bring it up again...

Page 1 of 1