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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
4 Year Old Doesn't Interact with Other Children



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amother
Salmon


 

Post Mon, Feb 27 2017, 10:34 pm
My 4 year old son is in preschool and loves it there.

The teachers have told me that he doesn't interact much with the other children. He mostly stands on the side and watches the other kids participate in the activities. They always offer my son to join in what the class is doing, but he doesn't want to. He spends most of his day reading books alone, doing puzzles alone, or watching the other children. When my son wants to share something, he will go to the teachers, not his classmates.

As an aside, we often invite a friend over on Shabbos and he seems to interact fine with the other child.

Should I worry? He loves going to school so I don't think there's anything going on there that would trigger this behavior.

What do you all think?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 27 2017, 10:54 pm
You should definitely look into it. Very often kids who have difficulties have enough skills to manage with one friend at a time, and/or in their familiar home, but not enough to make it in a more demanding environment like school. If that's the case, you want to know and start to help as early as possible.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Mon, Feb 27 2017, 10:58 pm
In what way should I look into it and what type of help would be appropriate?

This past Shabbos we had 3 other children at our house and he interacted with all of them really nicely!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:04 pm
Maybe a developmental pediatrician or psychologist?
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amother
Rose


 

Post Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:37 pm
I personally think he's fine. If there was something to be concerned about then he wouldn't play with his playdates either. He sounds more like a serious type of guy. Its okay.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:48 pm
amother wrote:
I personally think he's fine. If there was something to be concerned about then he wouldn't play with his playdates either. He sounds more like a serious type of guy. Its okay.

That is empirically untrue. There are many differences between playdates and school. That he does well on playdates is a very nice thing for him and can certainly help narrow down areas of concern. It may be true that he is just more introverted but you need to do due diligence to make sure that if there is anything the kid needs, we are doing our best to provide it.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:03 am
I agree that this is something you need to look into. My son is 3 and hes been having a hard time socially pretty much since he was born so I know a lot about this. There can be many different reasons why he would be having a hard time. I agree with the poster who said that it's possible he just has an easier time one on one as apposed to a bigger setting.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 2:31 am
amother wrote:
I personally think he's fine. If there was something to be concerned about then he wouldn't play with his playdates either. He sounds more like a serious type of guy. Its okay.


This is SO not true. My kid could usually play with one on one situations. He has a dx on spectrum. High functioning yes, but has no real friends.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 4:42 am
amother wrote:
I personally think he's fine. If there was something to be concerned about then he wouldn't play with his playdates either. He sounds more like a serious type of guy. Its okay.

Like the poster above me, I have a son like this and he is on the autism spectrum. This definitely need to be looked at, it's a major red flag. Also, it is possible that OP thinks he's doing fine on playdates but a professional would notice more subtle things that show even then that his social skills are not where they should be.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 5:15 am
I think everyone is right. Don't panic or get scared, BUT do get him evaluated just in case.

He could be on the spectrum, or he could just have problems processing too much stimulus at one time. Maybe he's just a natural introvert. Either way, a bit of therapy can help a lot.

Everyone can bring examples of their kids, but each person is an individual, and you can't judge by other people. Similar looking behaviors can have very different causes, and need very different approaches. Only a professional can really tell you what's going on.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 1:18 pm
OP here.

Would ABA be helpful for this type of issue?
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 2:40 pm
My son is 6 and has a lot of challenges with social skills but always did well one on one. The group setting throws him off. He is the opposite of your child in that he is very impulsive so he tries to join in and it fails.

He sees a counselor and they do a lot of role playing of social situations.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 3:04 pm
Maybe try discussing it with your son & ask him if there's any reason doesn't like to join in with others at school. You never know, maybe it is something simple.

Hatzlacha!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 4:47 pm
amother wrote:
OP here.

Would ABA be helpful for this type of issue?

You don't even know what type of issue it is...
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bsy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 5:08 pm
I just want to add that I've seen kids in their first year of school and then in their second. There was no comparison. Some kids take longer to open up in large groups and feel comfortable.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 6:00 pm
This is true but it would be very unusual for a child to still be too uncomfortable to join friends at all by February/March, assuming all else has been relatively stable since September, if there are no other issues. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I wouldn't sit back and wait for it. IMHO there is no such thing as being too proactive. I'm not saying the child should be pushed to join games he's not interested in or ready for, all I'm saying is there needs to be some assessment of whether anything is amiss that is preventing him from joining in.
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runninglate




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 6:44 pm
Op, are you in New York? If yes, I think you should request a board of ed evaluation and request Seit services. There's no need to panic, but you definitely want to address this. How verbal is your child? How are his cognitive skills?
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2017, 8:06 pm
Op here again. A little more background. My son has a dx of asd. It is his second year in the preschool and he is really comfortable there. We just recently received the dx after a reaallly long wait for the developmental ped. We are now on waiting lists for several different programs. He has made a ton of progress over the past few months that I feel we can start to address "normal" issues. Until now, social skills in the classroom wasn't even on my radar. So, what do you all think? What type of help would be appropriate?
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