I need help working on being a more patient parent

amother

Sienna

Sun, Mar 12 2017, 11:16 pm

I'm often not the parent I want to be. Anyone have any tips or good books? The truth is I feel like I need to just work on myself rather than gain information or insight. I need to be more patient and understanding and more allowing of my kids to misbehave or act like kids do. I just don't know where to begin with working on this.

I snap too easily. My 4 year old is picking up on this bad behavior of mine. I have a sticker chart for my kids, but I feel like I need an incentive chart myself for how I behave sometimes. I get really upset with the lack of cooperation, not listening, etc. Sometimes I just feel like I have zero tolerance for whining, or any kind of misbehaving. What do I do?
It's hard when you have a bunch of little kids and always feel overwhelmed. I don't want it to be that I can't wait for them to all be in bed every night.

I do believe in discipline and I don't want to be a permissive type of parent, but I also don't want to actually be showing anger or as much frustration as I do.

gold21

Sun, Mar 12 2017, 11:25 pm

I hear ya.

I'm usually an easygoing parent, but will get really frustrated sometimes when I don't know how to effectively deal with certain misbehaviors. I'll get all frustrated and upset instead of dealing with the misbehavior effectively.

If I knew how to deal with the misbehavior, I would feel less frustrated. (Like my preschooler getting out of bed 100 times every night for a drink, snack, boo boo, cold, hot, scared....) I'm thinking of trying motivational charts with prizes. I don't know what else to do, cuz nothing I say or do helps resolve the issue. And then I feel frustrated.

I feel like the hardest part of parenting is working on my own middos!

MitzadSheini

Sun, Mar 12 2017, 11:34 pm

gold21 wrote:

I feel like the hardest part of parenting is working on my own middos!

I feel like this 👆 is the almost the only reason we are ever given children!

amother

Aqua

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 4:26 pm

I really think that a lot of discipline is more about self-discipline than disciplining your children.

I've heard good things about the book "No-Drama Discipline" by Daniel Siegel. I actually just ordered it, but haven't gotten it yet. His whole approach is geared towards mindfulness and compassion and calmness, and presumably addresses your own skills in dealing with your child. Again, I haven't read it yet, but it sounds like it could help. . .

dina125

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 5:04 pm

I really like the following site -

http://www.ahaparenting.com/

Dr. Laura Markham also wrote a book that's worth reading - "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting"

Hatzlacha!

ectomorph

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 5:05 pm

It's really hard and I'm still working on myself to be calm. I find when I'm sleep and socially deprived I have a hard time behaving well as a parent.
Can't always help sleep, but I do force myself to socialize and it really does help BH.

mha3484

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 5:11 pm

I do a lot of self talk especially with my oldest child who is more impulsive. I tell myself they are kids. They are not trying to make me mad on purpose they are just being the babies that they are. I think when I expect too much I get frustrated. I have to remind myself as much as my newborn is a baby his big brother (2 yo) is equally as much a baby.

The six year old is its own challenge because he struggles with impulse control.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Mar 15 2017, 9:06 pm

Thanks everyone! I'm going to look into those books. Really though I just need to work on myself. It's like I need a time-out or consequence myself sometimes. I feel so guilty. I keep trying to be better and then find myself getting angry all over again. The worst part of this is feeling like my kid is going to pick up my bad middot or have an anger issue.

amother

Silver

Wed, Mar 15 2017, 9:15 pm

I understand how you feel. Sometimes I do take a time-out for myself when I catch myself getting very worked up and angry & know if I don't calm down before acting, I'll do something I regret. Honestly, before I had kids, I thought I was a really patient person with pretty good middos. I think kids can very often bring out worst in me. But I guess that is the challenge to work on! Remember we're all in it together!

Tiredwithjust2

Wed, Mar 15 2017, 10:59 pm

I don't have any advice but just wanted to share that what OP wrote was word for word exactly me! I was just complaining to my husband how I've really had a bad week in regards to my patience/yelling at kids. I just can't handle the noise and not listening right away! Driving me nuts but I got to keep reminding myself they're just kids and this is normal behavior. Iyh I'll be a calmer, more relaxed person and parent and my children will learn how to listen better!

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Mar 15 2017, 11:25 pm

I second aha parenting by Dr Laura Markham. She has a book and website and blogs.

I also recently discovered hand in hand parenting.
Amazing resources.
And ideas. Many of them free

http://www.handinhandparenting.....ting/

And Dr. Gordon Neufeld of Neufeld institute