Dh said I shouldn't stand on a chair

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Mar 26 2017, 11:26 pm

Dd 12yo needed something right away from the top shelf. I grabbed a chair and got it from her. It was an old kitchen chair. Dh said I shouldn't stand on a chair. He said it ruins the chair and dangerous. Is he right?

greenfire

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 12:22 am

he is right it can possibly ruin a chair ... it can also be dangerous

but so can crossing the street, changing a light bulb, taking a bath, breathing pollutants for that matter & so forth & so on ...

these are decisions you get to make for yourself as an adult ... yay !!!

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 12:46 am

greenfire wrote:

Thanks. This is what I feel!!!!

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 12:48 am

amother wrote:

Is this really an arugument you're posting on imamother? It seems so silly and unimportant.

Not trying to be mean here but truly not understanding.

It is silly but still. It was really annoying to hear dh giving me a lecture about it. I felt that I can stand on a chair if I need to grab something right away.

amother

Tan

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 1:43 am

Are you short, or as I like to call it, vertically challenged?

I keep one of these in the kitchen to reach the upper shelves and it's light enough to carry to other parts of the house if necessary:

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Cos.....09082

MagentaYenta

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 1:53 am

amother wrote:

It is silly but still. It was really annoying to hear dh giving me a lecture about it. I felt that I can stand on a chair if I need to grab something right away.

Do you often need to do this? I keep a short Rubbermaid step in the kitchen and another 3 step stool close by. It's my preference, I hate getting the chair cushions all funky.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 9:09 am

I always stand on chairs when I need to reach something on the top shelves in my kitchen. I did once topple off a chair when I was pregnant and got pretty shaken up but I continue standing on chairs. What's the alternative?

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 9:25 am

We don't stand on chairs in our household, for the reasons your DH mentioned. We have a stepladder for that.

(I also have a tall husband for that....when I need something from a high shelf and he is around, I tell him that's one of the reasons I married him....)

I can still understand your frustration, though. You are an adult and can make your own decisions in these matters. You feel like you've been told off like a child.

Reesa

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 9:45 am

if this was my dh I'd show my kids that I agree with him. I wouldn't want my kids to stand on chairs. This way you are telling dh you know it's dangerous and not good for the chairs but this time you needed to do it anyway.

op, are you assertive enough in your marriage? you need to feel comfortable with yourself and your decisions. If dh tells you something you can either thank him for pointing it out to you or explain your opinion.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 11:04 am

Reesa wrote:

I did explain it to him but he disagrees. He said we have step stools and it is dangerous and bad example for the kids. I said I was in a great hurry and just grabbed a chair and It's not s big deal. He still doesn't agree.
It is not an issue I just wanted to get feedback about it. You are right about showing the kids that it's dangerous but is it ok to have dh lecturing me in front of the kids?

WhatFor

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 11:22 am

amother wrote:

It doesn't sound like the issue is the chair/ stepstool. It sounds like you want to be vindicated for being upset that DH told you what to use. It's not clear to me whether you're upset that he told you what to do, that he told you in front of the kids, or whether you're just generally annoyed with him and this is the thing you're focusing on.

It's helpful to try to create win- win situations. In this case, you're trying to look for people to tell you you were right, DH was wrong. You win, he loses. It may be that you are right, and you can win the battle, but lose the war. (If the main goal is both of you being happy.)

Letting it go can be win- win. He might be right, you can stand on a stepstool, win-win.

If there's a larger issue at play, and you feel like it's win-lose in the opposite direction, then that's something else that needs to be addressed. But this issue by itself is really not worth the time you're spending on it.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 11:34 am

Reesa wrote:

he can't lecture you if you stop him and agree. then he hasn't told you off. he has no more of his speech left to give. you can still go ahead with doing what you have to do.

If I say you a right and keep standing on the chair he wouldn't be happy about it and continue lecturing.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 11:36 am

WhatFor wrote:

It is part of an issue that dh feels that he can lecture me about stuff and if I don't teach him that he is not my father he will keep doing it.

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 11:42 am

amother wrote:

It is part of an issue that dh feels that he can lecture me about stuff and if I don't teach him that he is not my father he will keep doing it.

Then the two of you need to have a communication session - possibly with a 3rd party like a Rav or therapist - where you explain this to your DH. Perhaps he needs to hear that you are an adult, and that if he has an opinion on something you are doing, he can share it privately and respectfully. Maybe you need to be open to such conversations, and he needs to respect that your opinion might differ from his.

zaq

Mon, Mar 27 2017, 6:56 pm

I agree the issue isn't about the chair. (FTR your dh is right about that, depending on the type of chair.) You need to work out a way to disagree in a non combative and respectful manner. Let's be dlkz that dh yelled because he was worried about your safety. Even so, he has no business addressing you as if you were a rebellious child. At the same time you need to stop and consider your actions in front of your dc. You really shouldn't be doing in front of them things that you or your dh wouldn't want them to do.