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Forum -> Children's Health
I think my teen has an eating disorder
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amother
Amber


 

Post Wed, Mar 29 2017, 7:56 am
amother wrote:
I also thought my teen has an eating disorder. Her psychiatrist told me that;
All eating disorders are a symptom.
A symptom of something going on in her emotional world.
It can be an unresolved childhood trauma that she was too young to handle and it's resurfacing now or it can be a current issue or pressure that's triggering it.
Instead of it surfacing as OCD depression or anxiety it surfaces as an eating disorder.



this - I had an eating disorder for 14 years I am 27 now -

from my experience if my mother would have known this , my life wouldve been alot better and different
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amother
Amber


 

Post Wed, Mar 29 2017, 8:01 am
I wish my parents acted like you are...
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Mar 29 2017, 9:07 am
amother wrote:
I wish my parents acted like you are...


Thank you! You actually made my heart happy. I know I'll make mistakes but as I told my daughter we are in this together all the way.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Mar 29 2017, 12:21 pm
Wow!! I can't believe how many people said they wished their parents would have helped them.....I didn't know I'm not alone in this feeling!! I had so much anger, then sadness, that they couldn't see how much weight I was losing, that they didn't understand how depressed I was, that even after I asked them to get me help, my Mom gave me the phone and told me to call myself. It didn't work out, and they didn't find me anyone else. They had no idea how bad it would get before it'd get better but I'm grateful today that eventually I got the help I needed and my parents were there to give me the money for it.

I don't know if this is any help to you OP.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Mar 29 2017, 12:39 pm
amother wrote:
Wow!! I can't believe how many people said they wished their parents would have helped them.....I didn't know I'm not alone in this feeling!! I had so much anger, then sadness, that they couldn't see how much weight I was losing, that they didn't understand how depressed I was, that even after I asked them to get me help, my Mom gave me the phone and told me to call myself. It didn't work out, and they didn't find me anyone else. They had no idea how bad it would get before it'd get better but I'm grateful today that eventually I got the help I needed and my parents were there to give me the money for it.

I don't know if this is any help to you OP.


It is papaya. I'll be honest I was surprised also. The first time my daughter asked to see someone was about a month ago to help her be less stubborn. Can't say I went rushing to the phones but we started the discussion. But at the first inkling that there was more than just overcoming a difficult character trait, I was all over it. How can I be happy if she is sad or move on in life if she is stuck? I told her today that the ask for help was the first step in our recovery. And I truly believe that. This has to be a family wide learn and grow (I don't want to say change) process. I will likely end up with my own therapist before this is all done!
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Mar 29 2017, 2:38 pm
I don't have time to read through all of the responses, but it's great that you are listening to your daughter and coming on here for support/advice.
For me the depression came first. The eating disorder helped me cope with my feelings.
Getting help early is very very very very very very very important.
Find a good therapist and nutritionist who specialize in eating disorders. Help your daughter. be there for her. Even if this isn't super serious, it's a quick quick slide to seriousness. Or it could not become a full-blown life-at-risk eating disorder, but either way it sounds like your daughter is not happy and it'd be great to get her help for that, right? Smile
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amother
Red


 

Post Wed, Mar 29 2017, 8:00 pm
OP, I don't know how to put in a quote here, but the part where you said you woukd keep me in your tefillos meant so much to me. Thank you. May you have much hatzlacha, clarity, and menuchas hanefesh.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 3:09 am
amother wrote:
OP, I don't know how to put in a quote here, but the part where you said you woukd keep me in your tefillos meant so much to me. Thank you. May you have much hatzlacha, clarity, and menuchas hanefesh.


I don't suppose you'd share your Hebrew name with me? Therapists are a wonderful thing and hashem's shluchim but the words of Dovid hamelech are salvation. As I have in the past my goal is to complete Seder Tehillim monthly. Will you share your name? If not I will daven for red from the imamother thread I started. Gailfri@yahoo.com. (So not a real email address but that's a long story.)

Wishing us all hatzlacha, clarity and menuchas hanefesh.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 3:12 am
amother wrote:
I don't have time to read through all of the responses, but it's great that you are listening to your daughter and coming on here for support/advice.
For me the depression came first. The eating disorder helped me cope with my feelings.
Getting help early is very very very very very very very important.
Find a good therapist and nutritionist who specialize in eating disorders. Help your daughter. be there for her. Even if this isn't super serious, it's a quick quick slide to seriousness. Or it could not become a full-blown life-at-risk eating disorder, but either way it sounds like your daughter is not happy and it'd be great to get her help for that, right? Smile


My heart breaks for her daily. That I didn't notice sooner is on me but how someone can be in such pain. We are working hard on the earthly fixes and the spiritual ones as well.

I'm so happy to hear we are on the right track. She's not ready to talk to me face to face but we've been writing letters back and forth ....,.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 4:09 am
OP, you are doing a fantastic job, and the proof is that your daughter is communicating with you.

My DD started self harming. It's from anxiety and OCD. I told her that 1. I'm not going to force her to stop, and 2. It doesn't matter what she is doing, but rather getting to the WHY. Once you start addressing the why, the actions will clear up on their own.

It was a huge relief for DD to hear that I wasn't going to hide all the knives, and that we were going to go after her core issues. Just that day, she stopped harming herself, and hasn't started again, B"H. She's now getting CBT therapy.

For body image issues, read "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf. She's not a fan of Orthodox Judaism, but otherwise she has excellent insight into feminism, body acceptance, and why the media and advertising wants to keep women constantly trying to be "perfect". It's a real eye opening read. It's too advanced for a teen to read, but you can give over what you've learned in ways that she can understand the main message.

A quick summary of the book: If men let us realize how amazing and perfect we already are, then we women would have incredibly power, and we might threaten them. If we are constantly thinking about losing that last 5 pounds, we're not in a position to reach our fullest potential. Then the book goes on to detail just how pervasive and insidious these damaging messages are.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 4:43 am
Thanks FF. I was actually going to say to her when your are ready, if you feel you need to binge, invite me to join. I feel the secrecy of it all is part of the problem. And maybe if she doesn't feel she needs to hide and she realizes we aren't going to yell at her if she binges, it may help?

What do all you helpful mamas think?
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amother
Natural


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 4:46 am
amother wrote:
Thanks FF. I was actually going to say to her when your are ready, if you feel you need to binge, invite me to join. I feel the secrecy of it all is part of the problem. And maybe if she doesn't feel she needs to hide and she realizes we aren't going to yell at her if she binges, it may help?

What do all you helpful mamas think?


That won't work. That would be dealing with the symptoms.
Deap down she will see that as a attempt of you to control her symptoms.
And maybe deap down thats really what it is Wink
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 4:59 am
amother wrote:
That won't work. That would be dealing with the symptoms.
Deap down she will see that as a attempt of you to control her symptoms.
And maybe deap down thats really what it is Wink


Thanks Natural

I just didn't want her to have to feel like she needed to hide and then deal with the shame. Maybe there's more to it that. I guess I hoping she would come get me and then realize it wasn't necessary. I really just don't know because as much as I want to, not having been where she is, I can't walk in her shoes.

I figured you would all know better. I'll skip that suggestion.

Your guidance has been beyond helpful. All of you to be honest. Thank you for sharing.

Keep it coming if you are able. And I'll keep posting as we move along in our journey.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 5:08 am
amother wrote:
Thanks Natural

I just didn't want her to have to feel like she needed to hide and then deal with the shame. Maybe there's more to it that. I guess I hoping she would come get me and then realize it wasn't necessary. I really just don't know because as much as I want to, not having been where she is, I can't walk in her shoes.

I figured you would all know better. I'll skip that suggestion.

Your guidance has been beyond helpful. All of you to be honest. Thank you for sharing.

Keep it coming if you are able. And I'll keep posting as we move along in our journey.


You really are an amazing mom. Its humbling to read your posts. You are so opened to learning.
On the same note, I will add that even with all the symptoms that your daughter has. She is in a relatively healthy place. I would assume its due to the fact that she grew up in an overall healthy home.
The fact that she is seeking help is wondeful.
I grew up in disfuncional home. At her stage I was not intersted in help. I didn't want anybody to take my ED away from me.
As much as I was suffering from it, I believed I would suffer much more without it.
An ED is often used as a protection.
The fact that she is willing to lift that vail shows that deap down she believes she can be better off without it.
(I only started trully healing after I married my wonderful supportive DH[who knows much more about my ED than my Parents])
Buttom line the fact that a ED sufferer is willing to go for therapy is a pretty good intication of the support system he/she has around him/her
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2017, 12:03 pm
Natural

I suppose it's too forward of me to to say I love you?

I told my daughter today that she is the most courageous person I know. You are all coming in right behind her on that.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Mon, May 01 2017, 4:37 pm
Maybe you all could give me some advice.

So my daughter gets migraines and is on a food elimination diet. Or at least we think she get migraines to the extent she tells us. We also know that she sometimes says it's a migraine when it's really I'm feeling badly about myself.

Anyway we bought a twelve pack of chocolate Oreos. Chocolate is a no go on this diet. And she ate 6 packs! And at the same time she said she got a headache. And then said she didn't have any Oreos.

It hurts that she still isn't okay telling me the truth even with everything else she has told me. And my heart is breaking for her.

I just changed the subject but I'm not sure what else to do. She's old enough to decide if she wants to eat herself sick but I don't know how to help her when she's feeling so destructive.
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