Toddler said he wants to hurt--how to react

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Gold

Wed, Mar 29 2017, 5:55 pm

Today, my normally sweet and pretty verbal almost-3-year-old said, "I want to hit people with a knife". It wasn't said in anger, although he was talking about how upset he's feeling. What would be the best way to react? I know he doesn't really understand the full context of what he's saying, and I'm happy he's expressing his emotions, but I'm not really comfortable with that kind of talk...

amother

Wine

Wed, Mar 29 2017, 6:32 pm

Talk to him about the feeling behind the words, not what he is saying. He must feel very hurt.

amother

Gold

Wed, Mar 29 2017, 6:40 pm

amother wrote:

Talk to him about the feeling behind the words, not what he is saying. He must feel very hurt.

I'm not denying he was upset when he said that, but I really don't think he was coming from a place of deep hurt. I'm also not sure he realized the full impact of what he was saying--to me, the words are very violent but I'm not sure he meant it in that extreme way. Regardless, it's pretty scary to hear a little kid say that...

behappy2

Wed, Mar 29 2017, 6:48 pm

A boy?

amother

Gold

Wed, Mar 29 2017, 7:05 pm

behappy2 wrote:

A boy?

Yup.

The issue is that I don't think he meant what he said as particularly transgressive. Two minutes later he said "I want to roar like a lion" in the exact same tone of voice. It's just that I, as a mom, can handle the latter but not the former

behappy2

Wed, Mar 29 2017, 7:13 pm

amother wrote:

I have a boy who was just like that at that age. I am sorry it gets you scared. He is little and doesn't understand the ramifications of things like knives or even death. I will not list the things my son would talk about. Besides for which even at six the thing he loves most to make with the clics are knives and guns. And guess what? I help him! Smile

and I grew up in a house where my mom would not let water guns into the house. And I didn't think I would either until I had a boy. Enjoy the boy in him and nurture it.

greenfire

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 6:03 pm

I don't think he fully understands what he is saying with his aggressiveness - he is 3 not 13

however, you can gently remind him that it's not okay to make people boo-boos

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 7:12 pm

I'd try to find out where he got this idea from. Did hear hear someone else say it? The way you described it sounded like it wasn't coming from anger, rather he was repeating it, not even fully understanding it. It is important to find out who/what is triggering this type of speech.

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