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HELP! making a bar mitzvah in 2 weeks and I'm 22!!!
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byisrael









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 3:57 pm
So basically I may have to make the bar mitzvah party for a child who is not related to me (vauge for confidentiality reasons) in 2 weeks. I won't know for sure until tomorrow. His mom is in a different city and will do the shabbos and the evening party - I need to do the the pary for his class in a hall.

I need help with
- color sceme
- decor tips/ideas
- menu
-dessert bar
- activity

It needs to be nice so he doesn't feel even more nebach than he already does. The actual food will be catered but the dessert bar won't, I have some baking help and am pretty good with my hands but I don't much time....

PLEASE HELP!!!! I AM PANICKING!!!
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Stars









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:00 pm
No ideas , just want to step in here and say you are amazing.
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youngishbear









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:08 pm
Can you reach out to people in the neighborhood to find out what the norm is? I can think of ten activity ideas that just won't fly at a chassidish bar mitzvah, for example. Perhaps once you know more of what's expected, we can help plan the specifics.

I think you are amazing for taking on this mitzvah.
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FranticFrummie









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:09 pm
Color/theme. Does he like any professional sports teams? You can use their team colors, and the sport for a theme.

If not, what are the boy's favorite colors? If he doesn't know, there's the classic dark blue and white, or dark blue and silver.

Crepe paper streamers and color coordinated balloons are your best bet for affordable decoration. If the boy has a bar mitzva project, then put tzedakah boxes in the center of each table to collect for the boy's charity of choice.

DIY ice cream sundae bars are the most popular, and the most affordable. Have lots of small bowls full of various toppings. Don't bother with fresh fruit, go with tiny candies and sprinkles. Have an adult scoop the ice cream and give whipped cream topping, or there will be a HUGE mess and a lot of waste.

For the menu, let the caterers handle that. They will give you suggestions to choose from that are within your budget. You'll pay "per person", so decide how many people are coming, how much you have to spend, and then divide. Don't forget to factor in a tip afterward, or you'll never get catering again! (Caterers have LONG memories.)

Activity? That's always a tough one. Karaoke is big. There are frum companies that have all kosher music. I don't know how much it would cost, though. Hopefully other mothers will have some better suggestions for that one.

For what you are doing, you should be rewarded a thousand times over!!!
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Iymnok









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:09 pm
Ask the boy what he loves. The whole thing should be about him. Colors he likes (ex, his sports team). He knows what the norm in his class is.
Will he feel like a nebach to be involved? He could have a say in the menu, tell the caterer your budget and ask for the menu options.
After you have the basics, decorating should fall into place.

I've always liked an ice cream bar. Get three flavors with three (volunteer) waiters. You can get the three gallon canisters from restaurant supply stores and occasionally an ice cream shop.
Have syrups and lots of toppings.
Lots of napkins too!

ETA: FF, great minds think alike!


Last edited by Iymnok on Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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SixOfWands









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:10 pm
byisrael wrote:
So basically I may have to make the bar mitzvah party for a child who is not related to me (vauge for confidentiality reasons) in 2 weeks. I won't know for sure until tomorrow. His mom is in a different city and will do the shabbos and the evening party - I need to do the the pary for his class in a hall.

I need help with
- color sceme
- decor tips/ideas
- menu
-dessert bar
- activity

It needs to be nice so he doesn't feel even more nebach than he already does. The actual food will be catered but the dessert bar won't, I have some baking help and am pretty good with my hands but I don't much time....

PLEASE HELP!!!! I AM PANICKING!!!


My sons could not have possibly cared less about a color scheme or decor, but you can't go wrong with https://www.flashingblinkylights.com/ I mean, who doesn't love neon?

But the rest is hard without knowing the group. My sons and their friends are into sports, but that may not be the case here. I'd suggest calling either the hall or school for suggestions -- what do most kids do?

Dessert, I'd do make your own sundaes. Tubs of ice cream. Candy mix ins. A couple of sauces. Whipped cream in a can. Its easy, and kids tend to like it.

And you're wonderful for doing this.
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byisrael









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:11 pm
Thanks!
I don't see myself as amazing just as some who cares about a really sweet boy in a real bad situation.....
I'm in Israel and the crowd is chassidish and I'm not really familiar with the socail norms which makes this even more complicated.
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byisrael









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:16 pm
Also kid is totally depressed about his bar mitzvah and is the first in his class so doesn't have anyone to compare to.

He is into music, has a gorgeous voice, and is into soccer...The soccer won't fly in his school but I don't know about a music theme -youngish bear can you weigh in?
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SixOfWands









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:22 pm
byisrael wrote:
Also kid is totally depressed about his bar mitzvah and is the first in his class so doesn't have anyone to compare to.

He is into music, has a gorgeous voice, and is into soccer...The soccer won't fly in his school but I don't know about a music theme -youngish bear can you weigh in?


You could do balloons, with something like this holding it down

https://www.windycitynovelties.....swodIU4Fsw

Using favorite soccer team for colors. Not so over the top that school would object.

Or something like this if you're creative



Would karaoke work?
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Iymnok









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:26 pm
Call his Rebbi. He knows bar mitzvah boys best. What's accepted, what goes... he should also know this bochur well enough to help make it special for him.
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byisrael









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 4:27 pm
Iymnok wrote:
Call his Rebbi. He knows bar mitzvah boys best. What's accepted, what goes... he should also know this bochur well enough to help make it special for him.


Great Idea!!!
I will do that ....

Keep the ideas rolling....
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zigi









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 5:11 pm
is sefira an issue? dessert bar, have ice cream with toppings. chocolate fountain. cut fruit. cookies, candy bar, have them help them selves to loose candies and put in a goody bag. we are lubabitch my son went to 6 barmitzvahs already. my son said that there wasn't an activity at the bar mitzvah. -one smaller one just for the kids; they had a magician. the activity was dancing, I heard that there are people who can sing acapella and run the dancing etc.
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youngishbear









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 5:19 pm
byisrael wrote:
Also kid is totally depressed about his bar mitzvah and is the first in his class so doesn't have anyone to compare to.

He is into music, has a gorgeous voice, and is into soccer...The soccer won't fly in his school but I don't know about a music theme -youngish bear can you weigh in?


I don't know the Israeli bar mitzvah norms, but I think you're right sports just won't be appreciated.

As for music, if it's in sefirah you unfortunately can't do anything with music in many chassidish circles. Can you find out their minhag? Maybe an acappella group would work. They're not cheap though.
Sad

The huge over the top chassidish American bar mitzvahs tend to the classy - flowers, dramatic lighting, ice sculptures, etc. Not really like the "all about the birthday boy" parties other posters are describing. Even the regular bar mitzvahs are decorated like a vort, not a party.

This seems to be something I'm not familiar with at all. A party just for the class? Are any adults invited at all? What type of venue?

Can you find out from a previous grade what's expected? I think in this case you need to be extra sensitive that he shouldn't stand out from other kids. That means ignore what the hanhala says... they might wish everyone follows a specific standard but the reality might be different. Find moms in the school who have actually done this.
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Shuly









  


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 5:49 pm
The Israeli chareidi bar mitvahs I have gone to are nothing like American bar mitzvahs and they definitely did not have anything to do with sports!

You must call his rebbi because there is a very specific protocol for the class party, to prevent jealousy.
I never went to a class party, but my friends told me what they did for their sons - it was in their house with basic paper goods and a specific menu, down to the required boureka as an appetizer.
They sang songs, the rebbe spoke and that was it.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Wed, Apr 19 2017, 5:55 pm
If he likes singing There's for sure something like hamzamrim or shira choir in isreal
Hatzlucha
Klal yisroel appreciates you!


Last edited by amother on Wed, May 03 2017, 12:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
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byisrael









  


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 1:26 am
Bringing Motti Shteinmitz would be awesome but no way we could afford it....

Okay called the Rebbi;

Its called a Seudas Chaverim because the school policy is that no one is allowed to invite friends to the evening event which works perfectly for this kid - EXCEPT that it's usually done in a house or shul hall and run by the father, he said the mothers usually have the basic catered food and make it really nice with fancy papergoods and decorations , the father speaks, the friends sing and there is dancing which won't work cause of sefira, the boy speaks, the rebbi speaks, sometimes people do a slideshow and the mothers make a fancy/vort type homemade dessert bar.

Problems;
-His father is out of the picture and while he is close to dh- dh looks to litvish and to young to be dad. There is a figure who he is close to who an fill in....

-Kids don't know parents are divorced and doesn't live at home and he's not willing to tell them, we've been talking to him about telling his friends for MONTH'S-but its a no go....

- Kid wants to skip the whole thing so that they don't find out but then cry's all night that he won't have a seudas chaverim, Rebbi also told me that if he doesn't do this part he will become a socail outcast.

I can do the papergoods, decorations, baking, and set up - it do need ideas for things that look fancy but aren't to complicated 'cause I don't have time. Ideas in that department willl be really apperciated.

Idea's how to do this without him feeling horrible would also be really apperciated. Rebbi said maybe he should just tell the class that the kid lives in a dorm (I'm his dorm mother) without the kids permission but I don't like the idea of going behind his back...
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Iymnok









  


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 2:20 am
It sounds like you have to make it nice, but super normal.

Shul hall is fine. Any Shul, it's the hall that's rented, not the affiliation with the Shul.
For paper goods, go to the chad peami store and get Nice looking things. One style, two colors, one darker, one lighter. table runners do add, but find out if the tables are long or round. There are gemachim for centerpieces.

Make a beautiful dessert table. Think like a kiddush for a girl in your home. Trays of cookies and miniatures, little mousse cups, a large cake in the middle with tefillin and his name. This cake must look professional. It is the centerpiece of the dessert table. Have something decorating it like flowers at two corners.
If you set the cookies and miniatures on mirrors from a gemach, it looks fancy and really simple. Square/rectangle is easier than oval.

If you can find some yeshiva katana bochurim tossing, that would really add.
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LisaS









  


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 4:39 am
If anyone, friend or neighbor, asks what they can do to help make sure you already have a few tasks in mind that you could delegate. Things like picking up and returning items from a gemach, setting tables, purchasing drinks are easy to delegate.

What about his classmates surprising him with a song they wrote for him or a skit? Does that go in those circles? That will be even more memorable than the food/decorations.
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Jewishmom8









  


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 5:34 am
does the family have a rav that they are close to?
maybe the town rav can come?
In these situation people step up.
you do not need to give any details.
do not say anything that isnt true.
tell them your good family friends.
kids take cues from us. if the adults are calm and confident the kids will be fine also.
byisrael wrote:
Bringing Motti Shteinmitz would be awesome but no way we could afford it....

Okay called the Rebbi;

Its called a Seudas Chaverim because the school policy is that no one is allowed to invite friends to the evening event which works perfectly for this kid - EXCEPT that it's usually done in a house or shul hall and run by the father, he said the mothers usually have the basic catered food and make it really nice with fancy papergoods and decorations , the father speaks, the friends sing and there is dancing which won't work cause of sefira, the boy speaks, the rebbi speaks, sometimes people do a slideshow and the mothers make a fancy/vort type homemade dessert bar.

Problems;
-His father is out of the picture and while he is close to dh- dh looks to litvish and to young to be dad. There is a figure who he is close to who an fill in....

-Kids don't know parents are divorced and doesn't live at home and he's not willing to tell them, we've been talking to him about telling his friends for MONTH'S-but its a no go....

- Kid wants to skip the whole thing so that they don't find out but then cry's all night that he won't have a seudas chaverim, Rebbi also told me that if he doesn't do this part he will become a socail outcast.

I can do the papergoods, decorations, baking, and set up - it do need ideas for things that look fancy but aren't to complicated 'cause I don't have time. Ideas in that department willl be really apperciated.

Idea's how to do this without him feeling horrible would also be really apperciated. Rebbi said maybe he should just tell the class that the kid lives in a dorm (I'm his dorm mother) without the kids permission but I don't like the idea of going behind his back...
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amother




Sienna


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 8:06 am
So this is really more than a just a bar mitzvah that you are handling. Wow. Kados to you.
My heart is melting for the boy with his dark secret inside of him.
I can't say that once it will be out he'll feel better because sadly, boys this age have the potential to crush a kid with thier often painfull comments. If he does reveal it he needs proper support and cushioning as to how to go about with them.
PLEASE DON'T TELL HIS FRIENDS ANYTHING BEHIND HIS BACK.
He will never regain trust in adults again!!!
Is it possible to connect him to an understanding ruv, therapist Madrich?
This would be the biggest gift one can give him lekuvod his bar mitzvah.


Last edited by amother on Wed, May 03 2017, 12:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
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