Do you like being with your kids

mommy3b2c

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 11:18 am

EnnuiGalore wrote:

You're really not sure which part of your response didn't sound so nice? I give up. 🙄

I'm not sure what offended YOU, personally. I did not attack anyone specifically. In fact I didn't attack anyone at all. I said if you don't like your kids, you need help. You were actually quite rude to me, and attacked me personally. I apologized to you. You keep coming back here to put me down. Just an observation.

momoftwo2

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 3:22 pm

I love when my kids are home for vacations or yom tov. There's a relaxed atmosphere where they stay in pjs till noon, lazy on the couch and we laugh at silly jokes. On a daily basis it's tough because after school they are much more whiny and there's homework, supper and bedtime to be done in a short time. So I'm constantly commanding, nagging and begging. I was sad that yt is over because that means back to school.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 3:45 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

I love it and I miss them when we are apart, but it can be exhausting as they are very young so need a lot of hands on care.

So when you are exhausted do you still like them than? I am trying to make sense of the responses here.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 3:52 pm

amother wrote:

I tremendously enjoy being with my children when it's one on one.... which sadly doesn't happen enough. When I'm with all of them as a group - the answer is sometimes. There are times when everyone is happy and behaving well and we all have a great time. There are times where each of them has flown off the rails and I want to escape them so badly. Mostly it's somewhere in the middle.

Yes, I came from a functional home with available parents - but it was easier for them. There were only two of us kids spaced 6 years apart.

When you want to escape them do you still like them? When I am overwhelmed by the mess in my kitchen I may want to escape it but I still am happy to have my kitchen. Are you happy at that moment that you have them.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 3:58 pm

A lot of you are responding that there are times you are stressed out/don't want to be with them/don't like their behavior. At those times do you stop liking them and just wish you didn't ever have them or get very angry at them personally for ruining things for you. Or are those two things separate.

I am asking bec I struggle with this. I am currently in therapy and things are a lot better but I never realized that many/most? parents really like their kids. Sometimes I can be very present and engage with them and other times I really don't like them at all and they feel like a big burden.

amother

Ruby

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 3:59 pm

I recently heard in a shiur (Rebbetzin Cohen in Lakewood - I love her take on things).
(almost) Everyone wants their kids in bed at night - and can't wait for the quiet that follows. But don't let your kids know. Just keep saying - I love when you around, I love spending time with you, I love hearing you speak for hours about how your teacher brought in a new color chalk. The really believe it - and you slowly start believing it too (if you don't already). It really works. Whenever I'm getting upset - I just slow down and remind everyont about love and kisses and hugs and it rubs off on me as well. You still want your kids in bed - but it changes the mindset.

ectomorph

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 4:28 pm

amother wrote:

I think this is the right attitude. Children need to feel love and wanted. But it's normal to be frustrated with them. We need to learn to be actresses.

amother

Silver

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 4:32 pm

amother wrote:

I never stop loving and liking my kids . I might not like their behavior at the moment and might wish that they would fight less but I still like them. I also agree that we have to show tons of love even if we are faking it.

In terms of being a burden sometimes I wish for quiet and space but that's bec I have not been in a vacation in 5 years.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 4:33 pm

amother wrote:

I know what you mean - at certain points when I'm really angry/overwhelmed/can't take their fighting, at those moments, I really do feel that I hate them. Is that normal? I feel that emotion very strongly - I'm a pretty emotional person, so how do you handle that emotional "surge" that is coming out of the present happenings that are so triggering? (Other times I enjoy/love them.)

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 4:57 pm

amother wrote:

Are we the only ones? Sad

little neshamala

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 5:08 pm

1. I love being with my kids. I miss them so much when we're not together. One of my favorite parts of yom tov is getting to spend so much time with them.

They do get difficult, just like most kids. Even at those times, even when I feel like ripping my hair out, I do still like, and love, them tremendously.

2. I definitely did not grow up in a stable and loving household. I think thats why I invest so much in being a good spouse and parent. Because ive seen the dark side.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 5:09 pm

amother wrote:

Good for you for getting help. As I mentioned in my first comment, it is not normal to dislike your kids. Getting angry at them, and disliking them are two different things. But you are getting help, which means that you are a good parent that's doing her best. I hope I didn't offend you.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 5:12 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Not at all. That is why I posted. To know what is normal. A person only knows their own reality.

amother

Ivory

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 5:41 pm

amother wrote:

Sometimes what feels like hate is really another emotion that you simply aren't identifying.

amother

Ecru

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 6:24 pm

OP, the mothers I know who truly do not enjoy spending time with their kids, (assuming those mothers don't have a mental illness or personality disorder) have lots of trouble enforcing boundaries with their kids (at least as it seems to me).

The kids are adorable, vivacious and smart, but the parents don't seem to know how to effectively discipline, and the kids treat them like doormats.

Who WOULD want to be around kids who are rude, ignore house rules and others' feelings?

So OP I'm wondering if discipline is an issue for you.

Another thought. Are you burnt out?

I love spending time with my kids, but when I start to feel an inner resentment (toward my role as mother, not toward individual kids), I know that means I'm starting to feel emotionally depleted. By nature I'm an introvert, and too much noise and socialization, too many kids climbing on me and wanting to be hugged or compete for my attention, can feel draining.

When that happens, I know that I need to focus on what helps me restore myself (maybe ten minutes outside, alone listening to music, or making sure I have a quiet hour in the morning, or switch to a quieter activity with them like reading, etc.). Hth.

amother

Ecru

Fri, Apr 21 2017, 6:28 pm

amother wrote:

It sounds like you're describing a burst of anger, which wasn't how I understood the OP. I'd think that for anger, anger management tactics can help. Ex. self talk, deep breathing, understanding child development, etc.