No one to play with at playground

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 10:23 am

My 2 no grader is complaining that she has no one to play with a playground. She told me about this after several trips to the office saying she didn't feel well at this time. I have spoken to the teacher in the past and she says she usually has someone to play with. Should I just keep telling the teachers (there are multiple ones who monitor recess) to keep an eye on her? BH this is not a girl who anybody would say is shy or socially awkward. I asked her if she asks to join in and she said sometimes people say no it's a game for two, three etc. I thought about sending her with "stuff" like a jump rope that might make her more "attractive" at playground but I would have to find out if it's allowed as they generally discourage kids from bringing stuff from home. Any other suggestions?

amother

Lavender

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 11:06 am

Theres a method called "the mirror theory" basically, they say that children sometimes make up problems because they want the attention from their mother. They want to see theyre mother get sad for them.
So, When she complains that she has no one to play with, say in a regular non emotional tone-
DM "Oh you have no one to play with"
DD "ye I have no one to play with"
DM "oh you have no one to play with"
DD "well I dont have no one to play with, just not the girls I want to play with
DM "oh not the girls you want to play with"
DD "well the girls I want to play with dont invite me"
DM "oh the girls you want to play with dont invite you"

........
At the end of the convo- she will figure out the solution.

amother

Linen

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 11:07 am

First of all, you need to make sure she isn't being bullied. Keep in mind that the teachers might not even notice. Aside from real bullying, even teasing might be enough to put her off. Ask the teachers to keep an extra eye on her, but also talk to your daughter about bullyign or teasing, but I have no idea what the right approach for this is.

Second, even if she has one or two girls to play with, if she's being excluded for a major group, or the cool girls, or even just the group she wants to be included in, this could be a factor. Sending her with stuff from home or possibly teaching her and a friend a cool new game to teach the other kids could help.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 1:51 pm

Op, I have a shidduch for your daughter- my son.

He nags and whines all day. I've spoken to the teachers who all say he's popular. I spy on him by recess, he's the leader of the pack. He has a ton of friends, he's good at sports, a natural leader. He's also in second grade. Maybe they should get together and throw a pity party for each other.

SixOfWands

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 2:34 pm

amother wrote:

I seriously doubt that a child who is making herself ill in order to avoid playtime is faking it for sympathy, or is capable of working this out on her own.

I also seriously doubt that anyone is watching her closely. It may well be more like "we see her near that girls playing hopscotch, all is well," when she is just watching the game she was excluded from.

OP, I would (1) talk to your DD about exactly what is happening; (2) talk to her teachers about her social skills, inclusion by the other girls, etc. Work out a plan.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 2:42 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Actually, I think there might be something tonthis method. When I question my son, he often admits that he really did have people to play with. One thing is for sure, my son constantly complains that everyone is mean to him, and it's just not true. I had to hire a behavioral therapist because things got so out of control. Last year he was refusing to go to school. It's strange, but apparently there are kids who make these things up. One of those kids is my very own little darling.